to be really cross that NO ONE can be arsed to help at PTA fayre

[nicefleece]

I have volunteered to help out at the PTA Christmas Fayre. A note was sent out last week in all 410 book bags, asking for any volunteers to help set up / man the stalls.

3 people replied, one of them is the chair of the PTA

What the feck? Shall I ask the heads to mention it? Why are people so sodding selfish! I know people work, have other kids etc etc but really....

What next? Megaphone of shame in the playground? Sooooo cross and disappointed!

I am very torn here. I can see both sides.

Having been involved with trying to get a Village Community Forum up and running - something to which, in a community of about 1000, about 7-8 people would regularly turn up - I can see where nicefleece is coming from, and I feel aggrieved on her behalf. Our school PTA does a lot and raised money for, to give just one example, the adventure playground, which undoubtedly contributes to the children's health and well-being. They also raised money for the Y1 classroom extension a few years back, and I can't see anyone objecting to that as non-essential.

On the other hand I have sympathies with the opposing camp. Maybe not so much for what the PTA does but in the way it can appear. It can seem cliquey. The endless events can be a bit of a pain in the arse. (Although DW and I can't possibly help given our work commitments - it would be unfair to claim we could - we always support them by attending.) There is sometimes a presumption that you have nothing better to do. But that's how you get people on board, I suppose. I'm with those who say ask a few people face-to-face - we get so many sodding letters in the book-bags and I think they make most parents' hearts sink, if I'm honest. But if someone I knew as J's mum or C's dad, rather than a letter, asked me directly to spare half an hour to run a stall, I can see myself caving in and doing it...

Unquiet Dad...totally agree with you on the 'both sides' issue.

As I said, I helped out a LOT over the last two years but have stepped back this year for precisely that reason - it seemed to be a cliquey group (which it wasn't really, just the same old faces turning up to help, not like we go out to the pub afterwards), and some of us decided it was time to step back and let newer parents take the reins...

But as Moondog and others have said, if our children aren't the basis for our community, what hope do we have as a society?

I think that we are all expecting too much of ourselves. We are trying to do it all - full time work, make school holidays interesting/educational, after school activities that involve parents ferrying the dc around night after night, and then on top of that, we are asked to volunteer for things to raise money for charity/school/church etc. We can't do it all. And then there is the guilt of not doing enough for our dc education, helping with homework, making sure they get enough "social" time with friends...where does it all end?

I think that's why so few parents can spare the time for the pta. It is low on our list of priorities. Our lives are too complicated.

The key is to get your arse into the playground and approach parents directly. Nobody wants to look a twat and say no in front of everyone else.

ask me i will say no,isnt etiquette is work priorities

Wow, if teachers really base how much they are willing to do for a child in their class on how much their parents do for the school, then they are being extremely unprofessional in IMO aren't suitable to do the job!

My LO isn't of school age yet, however I do help out at playgroup events, fund raising events for Sick Kids etc and ALWAYS stay to help at the end.

However, although it is disappointing for the OP that she didn't get more of a response to her note, I think she is BU to assume parents are being selfish. Does the OP really know the individual circumstances of each family to be able to make such a comment? I think not! Some people work crippling hours (because they have to) and 'making time' is just not possible.

For those of us who are lucky enough to 'make time', we should help if we can and inevitably there will always be those who do more than others. We shouldn't be doing it just for the benefit of our own children, but in the interests of all those who attend the school.

The PTA used to stand just inside the school gates with a rota sheet and nab you as you went in and ask you outright which slot you could do.

Now, they have a new system. The Christmas Fayre is not run by the PTA at all..... but by the kids themselves - Yr5 and Yr6 and they absolutely love it, this has worked well for the last 3 years. It is done on an afternoon, opens at 2.00pm - all the stallholders get a chance to go around themselves. The tombola and bottle section open at 3.00pm when it is open to parents.

I've said no to the PTA - I was asked to help. I said no. It was so liberating - and quite interesting to see the look of surprise of the face of the person asking. I'm not convinced she'd imagined it was possible to say 'no' until then.

The PTA is NOT the only way to be involved in your child's education. Saying no to the PTA does not mean I don't care about my child's opportunities - just means I'm not doing the PTA thing.

Our PTA do meet in the pub by the way, but they're definately not a clique, not at all.

I agree with previous suggestions to be specific about the type of commitment you are asking from people and give a range of choices.

I don't normally volunteer but this year I did do an hour at the biscuit stall at the easter fair:

The PTA gave a list of hourly time slots, which we could choose. If parents could not volunteer in terms of time, they could volunteer by donating plain biscuits, sprinkles, gells, icing sugar etc. Good advance notice and when the contributions/replies have to be made.

I think that is good. Had quite a few volunteers. One even made their hour a family slot with the parents and their children pitching in.

Our school PTA do a fantastic job. I am not able to help out at Saturday events, due to other committments, but I do go along on a Friday evening and help put out tables, etc. I still get a stern look though when I say I am not coming back to man a stall the next day. This would put some people off helping at all. PTAs do a great job, but some of the people on them can be a bit bossy.

What a bloody depressing thread. OP YANBU and the general apathy and aggression towards people who do actually go that extra mile would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic. But for some parents, it's all take, take, take. We have loads of working parents at our PTA, but I do think that the anti PTA feeling is like a disease that spreads - it's obvious from this thread that there are parents who have never even attended a meeting, got a clue what it's actually all about, who are the ones sneering at the school gate when PTA is mentioned, and trotting out the clique cliches.

I suggest that only kids whose parents actually contribute to the fundrasing get the benefit. That way, only about half od DDs class would be able to use the PC and have pressies at the Christmas party. It would be the same parents who would then be screeching about how unfair it was.

Tey emailing parents and make a list of EVERY activity that you need help with, however insignificant - from wrapping Xmas pressies (which can be done at home) to asking for a donation next time they visit a local shop. Saw a suggestion somewhere about asking the head to run a crech for pre schoolers during set up/clearing away.

You'll still get the excuses though - don't sweat it. I'm bloody proud of the stuff that we've done for DDs school

I don't take part because I am bad at that sort of thing. I haven't got to my late thirties without knowing my strengths and weaknesses. Some people love it and thrive on it, some of us find it excruciating and anxiety-inducing.

To berate people for "not being bothered" is simplistic and unpleasant, and just firms up my view of these things as clique-ridden, judgemental and full of the sort of head-girl types I have had the pleasure of avoiding all these years.

Personally I would rather make a generous donation than have to be bothered spending my time with some people telling me what to do and raising an eyebrow if I don't perform to their standards.

We don't even have a PTA. The school just throws money at this stuff until it gets sorted. Thank Gawd!

I'm in the "everyone do a standing order for a fiver a month and fuck the Xmas Fayre" camp.

Luckily at secondary the PTA doesn't seem to exist.

our PTA are actually quite embarassing. they seem to love ANY oppurtunity to dress up and then proceed to behave like amateur pantomime actors. its cringey,and i WILL not embarass my kids,or myself by being associated with them

as for funds they raise,couldn't casre less if the school didn't put on a disco due to lack of funds!! i really couldn't,same for extra sch trips.

SGB 'Not everyone sees the DC's school as 'the centre of the community'. People may well get their sense of community from other things, family hobbies/charities/campaigning organisations/their friends outside the world of the school.'

Agree agree agree!

YABU. Because I was quite involved in some of the Parents Association stuff at school last year, I got pestered endlessly to help with the end-of-year fête. I just couldn't, because I have DD to look after and no alternative childcare. It really bothered me that the organisers of the fête thought that I should put the fête before my DD and tried to guilt-trip me into helping with the fête.

I have just read more of the thread and tbh it has absolutely cemented my opinion of the kind of people who INSIST that this is the only way: excruciating and time-consuming pressure-ridden "activities" run by people with a dictatorial bent.
FGS have a basic understanding of psychology!

Given the choice of: be pressured into giving up hours of my time organising something naff, with the constant threat of being pushed into an admin role "because there's nobody else", most likely under someone who is a petty dictatorial cnut

Or: be told I am a useless waster who doesn't care and is probably a neglectful parent to boot, and this is why education is going downhill

I choose to run a mile.

(Apologies to all of you who clearly have good fun, realistic and above all compassionate PTAs.)

Agree completely, Prunerz. I know that some of what is done is good work, but an awful lot of it is just yet more white noise. And I hate the idea that because some parents choose to engage in it, all must either join them or be cast as lazy/selfish. There are many other ways to contribute to school and society.

Well said Prunerz.

Also Deadworm 'white noise'. I like that. So much of it about these days too. I start to tune it out I'm afraid.

When dd1 started in reception year, I was that keen mum, dying to get involved in the PTA. I promptly went along to several meetings, and organised the making of one of those tea-towels with all the kids' pictures on it. Sorry to say, on completion of said tea-towel project, that was it for me. Too many overbearing types, constantly pressurising you into doing way more than you felt able to offer. Example - running the canteen at fair. Not just simply turning up and serving tea and cake, but organising the whole catering side of things, contacting suppliers, organising staff, etc. It's like a full-time career in itself! To be run by 2 people, the only 2 that came forward, though I am not surprised. I said no to giving my time when I felt I couldn't (hubby constantly away and a toddler at home) and felt it didn't go down well.

In a school with over 400 pupils, we have very few volunteers, I guess i am not alone in feeling what I did. Also, I think it depends on what your school is aiming to raise funds for - ours happens to be in a fairly affluent area, it needs very little so is saving up for a new stage. We only use the stage once a year for about an hour for the xmas show, and the present one is absolutely fine. Begs the question, what are are slogging away for anyway - personally, I would be happy to give a large proportion of what we raise to other worthwhile causes (but of rourse, imagine trying to agree on the chosen causes).

I've said it before, and will say it again... (sigh)

SCHOOLS DO NOT GET ENOUGH FUNDING. PTA MAKES UP THE DIFFERENCE!!! YOU ARE ALL PISSED OFF AT THE WRONG PEOPLE- WHY ARE YOU NOT ANGRY THAT THE GOVERNMENT DOES NOT FUND EDUCATION ENOUGH?

We have given THOUSANDS for books, math equiptment (to follow new gov't guidlines), play equiptment etc etc

Plus try and do fun things to add a bit of color to childrens school life.
All of it is important.

What irks me is that on our committee, we ALL work outside the home - we ALL have young children (obviously!) -we are all busy. Yet we volunteer - we are VOLUNTEERS!!!!! - and we get it in the neck.