to think that grown women should not to too scared to walk home alone after dark?

[nicepasta]

I live in a small town.

When we go out or to meetings, none of my friends ever walk home alone. It really annoys me. They say it is too dangerous. They spend ages working out who is giving lifts to who - and these people all live within half a mile of wherever we are going.

Our town is no more dangerous than any others. They all seem to be convinced that there is a really high risk of being attacked. They always tell me that I shouldn't walk home by myself. I think it is utter nonsense.

AIBU?

I don't see it as any different from locking my house or my car door. It wouldn't be my fault if my house was burgled (also fairly unlikely statistically I would have thought) when the door was left unlocked or a window left open but it doesn't make it a sensible thing to do.

I listened to all these arguments about how safe it was to walk home alone at night when I was a student. My male house mate decided he'd rather stop with his GF than the pair of them walk back with me to our house. I was fine, I moved out, but one of the girls I shared with still lived there and was attacked by a rapist on that very same walk home I did so many times. Turned out it was a serial rapist and he got another girl I knew too. It was pure luck it was her not me (mine good hers bad).

I'm no poor ickle flower thank you very much, I just make a judgement call based on my own personal experience, as we all do. All the stories of I did X and I'm fine don't wash any more than they do when applied to people not using child car seats or people smoking etc.

You can't make the bad people go away by pretending they don't exist, or stop bad things happening by pretending they won't. That's why we lock our doors, and put our children in car seats, and why I choose to be careful about walking alone at night.

"They always tell me that I shouldn't walk home by myself. I think it is utter nonsense."

They ABU, it's your decision, just as it is their decision to get lifts even although this annoys you.

But from their point of view, they are probably offering you a lift to protect themselves from the anguish and guilt they would feel if something did happen to you.

I walk home by myself at night all the time but if my younger sister comes round I always walk her home and then walk back myself. This is for purely selfish reasons- she is not fussed at all and walks home by herself from any other place. If I thought she was fussed or found this patronising or limiting of her freedom then I certainly wouldn't do it. Its just that I could not bear anything happening to her when there would have been a way I could have prevented it.

I don't think this has anything to do with being risk averse. I think its something to do with the specific effect rape has on people. It can be soul destroying in a way that I don't think compares to being in a car crash, for example. I know I would not be able to live with myself if something happened to her walking home from mine. She would most likely cope and be fine but its not her I'm protecting by walking her home, its me.

So OP, maybe all you have to do is absolve them of any guilt they are worried they might feel by reiterating that it is your decision to walk home alone and only you are responsible for your own safety.

"Maybe if more "ordinary" people of all genders and ages were happy to walk in the dark, the streets wouldn't be populated only by bored teenagers?!?"

Well said Bramshott

I agree with bramshott too. And this bit from sgb's post: "the reason I get pissed off with the idea that women can't/shouldn't go out alone is partly that, the more women (and well-meaning people of all ages and genders) do go out, the safer and more comfortable we make the streets for each other, and also, the more it's said that being out at night is too dangerous for women, the more harm that does to women - the next thing it willbe curfews, and muggers/rapists getting reduced sentences because, after all, this loose woman wasn't undre male protection, she was reckless, she tempted the mugger/rapist, etc."

I've been raped. I have several friends who have been too. None of us were attacked in the street - it's very, very rare.

"That's why we lock our doors, and put our children in car seats, and why I choose to be careful about walking alone at night."

Doobry I agree with you very much about individual judgement calls made on personal experience, but not with your comparisons.

We put our children in car seats because its illegal not to because its so unsafe- its not really a choice.
We lock our doors, if we didn't and we got burgled, no, it wouldn't be our fault but would the insurance company agree?

A woman walking alone at night can't really be compared to these things because it is not illegal, and because you can't really compare a woman being on a dark street alone to an unlocked door. A human being is not like valuable property that should be hidden away.

I do understand your point though- it's still a risk and its a personal one by which no-one should be judged on either taking the risk or not. But I think comparing it to things like the above make it sound like its a no-brainer, and if its a no-brainer then what kind of person would take that risk? Which is a slippery slope to them being at fault for taking it.
I would judge someone who didn't put their child in a car seat and had an accident, and I would question someone who got burgled because they hadn't locked their door. But I wouldn't judge or question a woman who was raped when out alone at night.

For men, walking alone at night is a personal decision but I think it is seen as a normal risk as with all else in life. Whereas for women, it seems to be a much less socially acceptable risk. Is that because of rape, or just because they are women? If there were no such thing as rape, I wonder if there would there be more equal numbers of men and women on the streets alone at night?

I think all the reclaim the night marches are coming up soon, they're usually at this time of year.

YABVU.

When I lived with my parents, my sister was mugged outside a church, less than a minutes walk away.

My brother had his bike stolen in the park opposite.

And I was beaten up (albeit not very much) about 10 mins away.

There is NO WAY I am walking home alone in the area again, and I would be v pissed off with anyone who even attempted to judge me for it.

I live in a tiny village of about 150 houses. About 10-15 years ago I would have happily walked out and about at any hour and often did on the way home from the pub.

However now I would not. Only a few weeks ago my friend and I had got in at dusk from a walk only to find we'd only been a few hundred paces ahead of a group of army blokes trying to learn survival skills in the dark. Followed by the following day the police trying to work out if we'd heard the gypos down the road when they had shot each other, or seen anything about the abandoned caravan full of the blood from a murdered bloke in Manchester (we live near Oxford but in the middle of no where). Then there is the group that comes from Kidlington and picks up people and beats them up and dumps them or the people who are trying to film porn movies or naked stuff at the Windmill near us.

Do I need to go on? No I will not go out in the dark on my own unless I really had to and it would be quick.

I live on a council estate in the East End and often walk home alone at night, am I brave or stupid?

Surely though, "few hundred paces ahead of a group of army blokes trying to learn survival skills in the dark" is one of the safest places to be at night ?! Or are they somehow a threat just because they are men?

Well I can't afford to be cautious. If I don't go running regularly it affects my mood really badly - I'm already on anti-Ds - if i stopped running I'd fall back down that big deep pit.

So for me there is no choice. I don't see it as being a minor inconvenience.

Have we heard back from op or has she got enough for her article now?

you won't hear back from her about an article, she was an mner (who has contacted me to say 'heeelp') but didn't want her friends to recognise her from her post. mind you, this was earlier on today and i hadn't read my emails as have been out enjoying a brand new WAITROSE!