to think that grown women should not to too scared to walk home alone after dark?

[nicepasta]

I live in a small town.

When we go out or to meetings, none of my friends ever walk home alone. It really annoys me. They say it is too dangerous. They spend ages working out who is giving lifts to who - and these people all live within half a mile of wherever we are going.

Our town is no more dangerous than any others. They all seem to be convinced that there is a really high risk of being attacked. They always tell me that I shouldn't walk home by myself. I think it is utter nonsense.

AIBU?

So if 3.2% of the population were victims of violent crime - the vast majority - 96.8% were not.

"men were more likely than women to be a victim of violence from strangers (78 per cent of victims were men)"

From the ONS website

Just what I was thinking spicemonster annd bramshott

I would walk around Croydon on my own at night with no fear (maybe foolishly) - there were always plenty of people around. Now I've moved out to the suburbs of a West Midlands town, I don't - there just isn't enough other people walking around at night for me to feel safe enough.

Ironically, I even drive back from a martial arts class when I could easily walk it. But it would involve walking down badly lit, isolated footpaths. As my martial arts instructor says, the best form of defence is not to be there.

My friends still live in the small town I grew up in, the other night my friend walked home alone and was followed and then chased by a man, she hid for two hours just five minutes from her house until he vanished.... when she reported it to the police it transpired he had tried to rape a woman 3 weeks before.
So YABVU.

YABU.I wouldn't walk home alone in the dark after being followed and accosted by a car driver when I was at college. I nearly broke my neck crashing over a fence to get away from him but the alternative was much worse. Why does it annoy you so much ? Unless they are asking YOU for lifts all the time ?

Yes, YABU.

Why would it bother you, in fact, why would it bother ANYBODY how SOMEBODY ELSE chooses to get home? If it helps them to feel safe, why would you CARE?

What a totally bizarre thing to judge people for.

I think fine to make your own choices about walking or not, but when people tell everyone they know that it's definitely not safe, then that promotes a culture where it won't be safe because only the muggers and rapists will be out...

Message withdrawn

Has anyone here addressed the implication that women should not be on the streets after 5PM in winter months? There is a world of difference between choosing not to walk home alone after the pub and feeling the need to be sequestered after sundown, surely?

Pitch - I do think martial arts training does actually show you just how vulnerable you can be. The more you learn shows you just how much you don't know/can't do!

Also, a lot of training is geared around situational awareness and being able to be in control of any situation you walk into. So I can totally understand choosing a better lit but worse area from that perspective.

There's a weird thing about being a black belt though - if someone goes for you, you have to tell them in the martial arts code of conduct that you are a black belt. Which for some bizarre reason means blokes are much more likely to try and take you on. Men are very strange.

Hmm, not heard that code of conduct before. In fact (although bear in mind I'm not a black belt - I've only been going 6 months!) we're taught opening stances that still protect you but don't look like you know any martial arts to avoid antagonising a situation!

I regulary walk home in absolute pitch dark (no street lights in our village).

Have been known to miss our house altogether in the dark.

But I did fight off muggers in Liverpool city centre when 5 months preggers.

I is ard, I is.

I suppose some people are just more nervy than others, so fair do's if they want to get a lift back.

Oh and it's not just men. I've had a girl saying "hit me, hit me, go on, hit me... I can block it, hit me" when she heard I was doing a martial art.

I always walk home alone in the dark, and always have too. My mum used to try and get me to get cabs and not walk through quiet roads after dark! I cannot live my life constantly being scared that someone will attack me if I go out past 7pm. I am sensible but not totally paranoid.

Once I was walking through a quiet station road very late at night. Very dark, hardly any street lights, long road, no houses - you get the picture. I heard someone walking behind me and then a man shouted out "excuse me". I thought he was someone I knew or a nutter but turns out he just wanted to let me know he was there and to pass me so that I didn't think he was a creep that was following me and scare me. What a lovely thing to do I thought.

That is lovely

Some men are clueless though. Went to a conference in London earlier this year and walked back to the hotel late at night with a heavily pregnant female friend.

Walking under a badly lit underpass with no other people around, bloke suddenly came up behind us very quickly and got very very close before making any move to 'overtake'. That was rather freaky (though as it turned out, completely innocent) and rather thoughtless on his part, imo.

I've had that too Hando! I thought 'what a good job his mother must have done'

I half agree with you. I used to do an evening class only 10 minutes walk from home and was astonished that people were horrified that I walked home alone at 9pm (its a very nice town, and my walk was along mainish, well lit roads).

I also think that this 'fear' of crime is much greater than the reality, but that people avoiding walking around anywhere actually contributes to making the streets less safe, because they are so empty. This has meant, ironically, that I have felt safer walking around when I lived in less salubrious areas whilst at university than when I lived in an expensive gated community, simply because in the gated community no one walked anywhere so the streets were eerily empty

that said, on an individual basis we each have to make our own minds up really. I narrowly avoided an attack (on my own street, in a sleepy village (have moved recently) a few months ago and I am now much more cautious about going anywhere on my own). That said, it is highly unlikely to happen again and I am determined to overcome this largely irrational fear and regain my independence.

the key, in my opinion, is definitely just about being sensible where you go, and taking basic precautions (not flashing cash around, not wearing shoes you can barely walk in etc etc)

I live in the outskirts of London and prefer not walking around after dark by myself, but will do it at a push avoiding alleyways. I would however never go on a night bus alone. I've seen more than one unprovoked fights in my youth mostly girls turning on other girls. Therefore, YABU each to their own, there is a risk and if it worries you are within your rights to avoid it.

I also don't think its just women either, its men too. My 6 foot 5 BIL was attacked a couple of years back and almost killed for a small amount of money. I also know a 5 foot blonde woman who has been mugged twice and don't forget police stats are not all they are cracked up to be. Not all muggings etc are reported so the figure is probably much higher.

I think everyone should assess the risk for themselves and make their own choices.

I like to carry a bottle of wine around with me.

I also agree with you, and would instinctively be in the stop making such a fuss camp. HOWEVER my lovely flatmate was seriously sexually assaulted at 6pm in November on a residential road in the smartest bit of the city. That was years ago but when you have opened the door to someone who has suffered like that it brings it home that it really can happen. I think its abit like the drinking in pregnancy. Most likely it will be fine. But if it isnt then it is really really bad.

This really winds me up as well.

I walk to work because it's only 30 mins on foot and the price of a parking permit is ridiculous. In the winter, it's dark when I walk home. I sometimes don't leave work until 7pm, on Tuesdays not until 9pm. There is no direct bus and I walk.

Yes, "bad stuff" happens and it could happen to me but to live your life in fear is ridiculous.

oh and I have been mugged - in broad daylight at 2pm in the middle of a crowded city centre.