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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 3 is too young for all this social shite?

59 replies

WenisLicker · 10/11/2009 19:09

I thought I had years, at least 7! Before I had to start worrying about birthday parties and such. A 3yo at my DS's preschool came out today, ran straight into his Mums arms sobbing that 'johnnie' hadn't invited him to his party. I didn't even think they had birthday parties at this age! Now I'm wondering how many parties my DS hasn't been invited too and why.

I'm quite a rational person, but this little boy was so sad, they're too small and lovely to have deal with that (mum looked just as heartbroken) I doubt my DS would even understand the situation but still.

OP posts:
lovechoc · 10/11/2009 19:11

I can't see the point til they are of school age. I agree with your opinions here.

YANBU.

Sassybeast · 10/11/2009 19:14

YABU. A mum who looks 'heartbroken' over a 3 year olds party is going to be a basket case by the time he is 10. Why oh why do people assume that their kid has an automatic right to be invited to every party going ?

piscesmoon · 10/11/2009 19:14

I don't think that there would be a problem if they had small parties with only the DCs who were real friends. One guest per year of age is a good idea.

kitsmummy · 10/11/2009 19:14

Oh goodness, they definitely have parties at 3 years old. The third birthday seems to be the one when the parties start. Soft play centre seems to be the venue of choice for third birthday. Gym for the fourth party and then aged 5 onwards they all get a bit more creative. Enjoy!

cat64 · 10/11/2009 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Heated · 10/11/2009 19:15

Dcs started going to nursery parties at about 2! But they are singularly unaware if they are not invited, probably because invitations are placed in nursery bags or book bags at primary, unless the parents decide to hand them out in person.

Sassybeast · 10/11/2009 19:18

Kitsmummy - are you for real ? Or are you taking the piss ? I can't quite decide.... I'm hoping that you are taking the piss....

Original poster
WenisLicker · 10/11/2009 19:20

I'm oblivious to them so assume they get put in bags or something. DS is 4 this time and has only had family parties. Wasn't planning on doing anything different this year, he doesn't or mind or care.

What the hell is a gym party? I'm clueless as you can tell.

OP posts:
kitsmummy · 10/11/2009 19:23

No, I'm totally for real! DS went to loads of 3rd birthday parties (all soft play) and then heaps of 4th parties (mainly the gym). He was at nursery for 3 days a week though from the age of 8 months, so he had long established friends that he saw 3 days every single week. Maybe for children with SAHMs there is less frequent contact with the same children, so less impetus to celebrate birthdays together? Don't know, just a thought, but that is certainly my experience of it.

kitsmummy · 10/11/2009 19:24

Wenis - a gym party is just a birthday party in a gym, probably with a bouncy castle or trampolines.

slushy06 · 10/11/2009 19:25

Where I live the parties start at 3 and some of the kids tease others e.g you are not coming to my party because I don't like you.

Maybe it is just my area but the standard joke around here is that the kids have a better social life than the adults.

I think it is heartbreaking if ds has a party I will either invite everyone from school just the boys or none at all.

Sassybeast · 10/11/2009 19:25

Jolly good Kitsmummy. Super stuff. Agree that it's much better for the au pair to organise the parties if one is a working marm

LadyOfTheFlowers · 10/11/2009 19:27

DS1 was invited to a soft play party while at pre-school and has just recenty been to a football party for a five yr old now he is in reception held inside a sports centre - he was ever so chuffed with his 'special letter'.

I am not in a position to throw expensive parties myself and having 3 kids of my own to contend with (4 by the time his 5th b'day comes or DS2s 4th birthday comes) I doubt I will be doing any then either, even if I could afford to.

Other parties have come since the last one he went to which he was not invited to and it didn't bother him or me as the children who matter to him invite him to theirs.

QandA · 10/11/2009 19:28

I love parties, it is a case of what suits you and your DC. Don't see why there is such a need to get all Scrooge about it. If you don't want one, don't have one.

My DS loved his and some children do get a lot from having a birthday party.

Agree with Sassy, the 'heartbroken mum' needs to get a grip.

carocaro · 10/11/2009 19:30

I have 2 boys, 2.5 and 7, and I did not start having any sort of celebration until he was at school.

I could not invite the whole class or even just the boys, due to space and cost. It's tough, they soon learn, quite happily, that they all can't get an invite to every party and vice versa. DS1 7 totally understands this, and he knows if he taunts (which has never happened) the party gets cancelled. Now he and his peers are 7 going on 8 is strictly ONLY BOYS ALLOWED.

A good thing is to find someone else in the class with a birthday around the same time and do a joint party, split the cost, invite a few more people!

By the way, it was at a garden centre where they have one of those little steam trains, it was so lovely and DS1 was over the moon!

QandA · 10/11/2009 19:31

Also, the term social shite is a bit OTT, in relation to having friends together, a few games and a cake to celebrate a special day in a child's life. The grow so fast!

daisydora · 10/11/2009 19:32

Totally agree with Kitsmuumy.

DD has been to loads of 3rd birthday parties. Usually at a soft play place, one at a petting farm and a couple in the church hall with added bouncy castle.

My SIL had a 'cooking party' for my nephews 5th birthday at £11.50 a head - bloody bonkers!!

BTW OP YANBU, I think its too young too but it does happen.

Original poster
WenisLicker · 10/11/2009 19:34

I wasn't talking about social events, more the social rejection.

OP posts:
Original poster
WenisLicker · 10/11/2009 19:34

That was to QandA BTW.

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 10/11/2009 19:36

kitsmummy not sure I get your comment about SAHPs. IME most SAHPs (and round here alot are dads) tend to have friends with same age kids who meet up regularly and are the perfect candidates for party guests (should you be able to face organising a party). Plus you know the parents as friends which can make the whole thing abit more bearable as tinies can't be left. Can't resist a snigger when told earnestly about the "friends" an 8 month old has at nursery.

kitsmummy · 10/11/2009 19:37

Aaah, Wenis, I must admit I read your post the same way as QandA did.

piscesmoon · 10/11/2009 19:37

You can actually stop worrying in 7 yrs time because people, in general, then have a couple of friends. The party madness is about 3yrs to 6yrs.

Original poster
WenisLicker · 10/11/2009 19:40

I did look at it and thought I should clarify in the OP, it's not the parties that's the issue, I didn't think 3yo actually cared whether they were invited or not to parties, but going the little boy earlier, it seems some do and at 3 I think it's a bit sad.

OP posts:
QandA · 10/11/2009 19:40

Children will feel upset about lots of things in life, it is how severe it is (minor in this case), how it is handled (badly in the case of the 'heartbroken mum' and how you then prepare them for the same thing happening again.

'Social rejection' sounds a bit harsh to me. I completely agree with those that don't want parties for young children, but just don't see why having them should be seen as a such a negative thing for those that do.

podgesmummy · 10/11/2009 19:40

my son has just been invited to a bday party, the third in as many months..

Also he keeps coming home asking if im his best friend, and telling me that such and such isnt his best friend.. it breaks my heart, hes not even 3 yet!