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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL interfering over having DD babysat on holiday

82 replies

cheeseandbaconquiche · 04/11/2009 19:12

Name changed for this in case I get a pasting but don't really see why I should.

We are planning to go to Thailand next month with DD who will be 4.5 months old.

DH and I have agreed that whilst at the hotel complex we will leave DD with a hotel babysitter for four or five nights so we can go out and have some nice childfree nights.

We will only be a taxi ride away and will have mobiles.

DH has told MIL (although I wouldn't have bothered myself as don't consider it her business). She is worried as DD won't know the babysitter or the customs there.

I'm not worried at all as have been to Thailand a lot and the Thai people are great with kids.

Just wondered if IABU for being peeved that MIL is sticking her oar in.

OP posts:
madmissy · 04/11/2009 19:14

nothing to be unreasonable about i don't think...

i would be too worried though and could not personally do it

not much help am i!

mil's are always sticking the oar in

Hulababy · 04/11/2009 19:15

I personally couldn't have done it. However it is your baby and you do what feels comfortable for you.

Your MIL has expressed her concern. If that is all then it seems fair enough, and you just say "thanks for concern, but we feel all will be well." and move on. If she keens going on about it though then of course YANBU to feel annoyed. Your DH, in that case, needs to have a word wth her.

bigchris · 04/11/2009 19:16

yanbu

bloody dh's telling their mum's everything

my dh is forever doing this, 'oh I told mum that ds has a school test tomorrow' cue her phoning 5 days the next day to see how it went when dh is of course at work
drives me potty

AnyFuckerForSomeParkin · 04/11/2009 19:17

well, I would also feel uncomfortable doing this

MIL is entitled to her opinion, but once stated, she should shut it

your child, your decision

Rindercella · 04/11/2009 19:19

What AnyFucker said.

kitsmummy · 04/11/2009 19:19

I think your MIL has good reason to be concerned about her grandchild who at 4.5 months old is being left alone, a taxi ride away, on 4 or 5 occasions with a thai babysitter. I think most people would never consider doing that so YABU to be pissed off at your MIL

wonderingwondering · 04/11/2009 19:20

I wouldn't leave a 4.5 month baby with a hotel babysitter. Especially abroad, where if there were a problem, you are in a different culture and unfamiliar environment. And 4.5 months is very young: a child that age is vulnerable.

I can see the argument that it is your child, your decision, but I think your MIL has a right to say she's worried about it, particularly with such a young baby.

E45 · 04/11/2009 19:20

Bloody Hell, I would not give my 4.5 month old child to anyone to mind, and I certainly would not go off site.

Still easy come, easy go....

crokky · 04/11/2009 19:20

I would not have done that with either of my DCs when they were that age, so I can understand why your MIL is worried about it. However, she has stated her opinion and it is your decision what to do with your DD so like AnyFucker has said, MIL needs to zip it now.

potplant · 04/11/2009 19:21

I wouldn't do it myself and I can understand her concerns.

But she's your baby and presumably you have checked it all out and its reputable.

She's not really sticking her oar in though just expressing concern.

RealityBites · 04/11/2009 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hocuspontas · 04/11/2009 19:21

I can never understand parents who leave their babies with strangers. Do you know how the babysitters are vetted? Sorry, have to agree with mil!

RealityBites · 04/11/2009 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

salbysea · 04/11/2009 19:24

she is just expressing a concern

TBH If it was my grandchild and the parents wanted 5 childfree nights on hol I'd feel the urge to suggest they leave the child with me and went off and had their child free time on holiday while the kids was with someone they knew

I was a hotel babysitter (in a respected well known chain, 4 stars)
I had no interest WHATSOEVER in babies, knew nothing about them, no experience, no training, HATED HATED HATED doing it, dreaded the child waking up. I worked in the restaurant and forced to do it (or loose my job) everyone female had to take a turn (housekeeping, bar staff, restaurant staff, kitchen staff) - that was the hotels babysitting service

so I think your MIL's concern is well justified

insertwittynicknameHERE · 04/11/2009 19:27

not something I could do, but I suppose we all have different boundries over who we would leave our DC with and at what ages.

I have to say though I agree with your MIL.

insertwittynicknameHERE · 04/11/2009 19:27

boundaries

mazzystartled · 04/11/2009 19:29

It's her grandchild's happiness and safety so I think it is her business, and you should take her concerns into consideration.

Saying Thai people are great with kids is a bit like saying peopole from - er - Accrington - are great with kids - a sweeping generalisation and not always entirely true.

NowtonTelly · 04/11/2009 19:29

Your baby, nothing to do with your MIL.

BertieBotts · 04/11/2009 19:30

Her concerns do sound strange - "DD won't know the babysitter or the customs there." - your DD doesn't know much, she is only 4.5 months old! So I think she is being unreasonable to object on these grounds.

If you know the country and are satisfied with the safety procedures with babysitters etc I don't think it's any more risky than leaving a 4.5 month old with a babysitter from an agency in this country.

GinSlinger · 04/11/2009 19:30

YANBU Have a good holiday -

violethill · 04/11/2009 19:30

You are not worried, you know the country and the customs better than your MIL. The decision is down to you and your DH - no one else. If you and your DH have talked it over and feel happy with your arrangements, it's got bog all to do with anyone else.

Apart from anything else, you know your baby's routines and character. My dc1 was sleeping through from 12 weeks so she wouldn't have woken up anyway, unless she were unwell, in which case we wouldn't go out. So stick to what you want to do - YOU are the parents!

TheCrackFox · 04/11/2009 19:31

Salbysea - I used to work in a hotel and was forced to babysit too, so were any female member of staff under the age of 25. I hated it and what I knew about babies could have been written on a stamp. I often had finished working a 10 hour shift on reception and then forced to babysit all evening(or lose my job). This was 15 years ago so it has probably all changed now. I however would never use a hotel babysitting service (for babies older children possibly) or any dubious listening in service (an underpaid receptionist doing a trillian things and not really listening to your baby).

However, MIL has said her piece and will hopefully leave you to it.

Original poster
cheeseandbaconquiche · 04/11/2009 19:32

Thanks everyone.

Violet, she doesn't sleep through, I wish! She goes to bed when we do, in fact will probably go to bed later while we're away so we can enjoy the evenings then have a lie in.

OP posts:
wonderingwondering · 04/11/2009 19:33

I can't believe people really think that grandparents have no right to express legitimate concerns over their grandchild's well-being.

The MIL isn't saying 'don't take her on a plane' or 'don't go to Thailand with her'. She's expressing concern over leaving a very, very young baby with a person that you have no knowledge of, have no idea how responsible they are, in an environment that you are not familiar with and would not know how to react quickly in an emergency. That is a pretty unusual thing to do and I can understand why the MIL is concerned.

ilovetochat · 04/11/2009 19:33

i wouldnt leave a baby with a stranger in a strange country while you leave the complex, my dd is more important to me than 5 nights childfree and i think your mil is justified in expressing concerns about the safety of her gc