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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL interfering over having DD babysat on holiday

82 replies

cheeseandbaconquiche · 04/11/2009 19:12

Name changed for this in case I get a pasting but don't really see why I should.

We are planning to go to Thailand next month with DD who will be 4.5 months old.

DH and I have agreed that whilst at the hotel complex we will leave DD with a hotel babysitter for four or five nights so we can go out and have some nice childfree nights.

We will only be a taxi ride away and will have mobiles.

DH has told MIL (although I wouldn't have bothered myself as don't consider it her business). She is worried as DD won't know the babysitter or the customs there.

I'm not worried at all as have been to Thailand a lot and the Thai people are great with kids.

Just wondered if IABU for being peeved that MIL is sticking her oar in.

OP posts:

salbysea · 04/11/2009 19:34

agree with bertiebots that its no worse than a babysitting agency her

only because of my opinions of babysitting agencies - knew a ozzie backpacker who worked for a babysitting agency and said it was easy as sign up and off you go, no refs or CRBs, the only thing they asked was that she was a graduate.....of anything! (so that their claim of "highly qualified staff" was technically true as they didn't specify qualified in childcare! my friend had a film degree and that was sufficient)

salbysea · 04/11/2009 19:38

Thecrackfox did you find that the parents who used us couldn't get out the door quick enough? no "his dummy is here, she likes this toy, if she wakes rock her/give dummy" etc

just "oh you're here, bye"!

It was horrible as I knew nothing about babies and was given no instructions, often not even the child's name

Earthstar · 04/11/2009 19:38

I think leaving a baby with an unknown babysitter in Thailand is taking a definite risk with her but it is your decision. I am not suprised that your MIL expressed suprise and alarm but of course it is not her decision.

Morloth · 04/11/2009 19:41

I don't blame your MIL. I am pretty sure hell would freeze over before I left a baby in a hotel with a stranger.

TheCrackFox · 04/11/2009 19:41

God, yes, and a lot didn't seem to have working watches either "oh, we'll be back at 11pm" then saunter in through the door half pissed at 2am. I always seemed to have a shift starting at 7am that morning.

Firawla · 04/11/2009 19:43

I think yabu, mil probably couldn't help herself from expressing some concern as its not exactly a commonly done thing to leave a baby so young with an unknown person and so far away. It doesn't sound a good idea to me either. In the end it is up to you but you should appreciate that mil's voicing her objections only because she cares. In this instance it does not seem to be really a case of over interfering mil as a lot of people would have her same reaction, its not like she has gone crazy and demanded you cancel your holiday or anything, merely raised a concern

salbysea · 04/11/2009 19:47

or they would say there were just going to the hotel bar but spontaneously decide to head out to a local pub / into town without letting me know

QandA · 04/11/2009 19:50

Completely agree with Morloth.

TheCrackFox · 04/11/2009 19:50

Most never bothered to ask what my name was. I thought it was odd at the time (before I had Dcs) but now I have two boys I think a lot of them were barking.

Original poster

cheeseandbaconquiche · 04/11/2009 19:52

Well, thanks for all your comments.

Each to their own, as they say.

Liking the idea of MIL having him while we go on holiday, but I would miss him too much! Besides, MIL has him one night a week as it is so I don't think she'd be up for any more than that.

Interesting to hear all the viewpoints though, I guess some of us are just a bit more relaxd in our parenting style than others

OP posts:

diddl · 04/11/2009 19:52

She´s hardly sticking her oar in.
She has expressed concerns.
Ultimately it´s your decision.

IMO,YABU to be "a taxi ride away".

salbysea · 04/11/2009 19:52

LOL at being asked your name

I wouldnt be surprised if the parents who I babysitter for thought my name was simply "the help"

I didnt have a NAME!!! dont be absurd!

MrsToffeeCrisp · 04/11/2009 19:53

You asked for opinions so here's mine.

I think you're absolutely crazy to leave a young baby with an unknown babysitter in a foreign country. TBH I can't understand how you could relax and enjoy yourself in that situation.

I know that both my MIL and my Mum would have very strong views on me doing the same and I would expect them to - actually I'd be worried about telling them my plans - but that probably says more about me.

Maybe you should leave your baby at home with your MIL while you have your holiday - its clearly not designed to be much fun for a 4 month old baby.

Original poster

cheeseandbaconquiche · 04/11/2009 19:53

Oops, was calling him a DD so as not to out who I am. Sorry about that, I don't really recognise most of your names anyway though.

OP posts:

salbysea · 04/11/2009 19:54

babySAT

traceybath · 04/11/2009 19:55

Well I've used hotel babysitters in this country - did so a couple of weeks ago in fact.

But she worked in the creche at the hotel so was crb checked - and I've also used sitters a lot.

However abroad I wouldn't do it. Can you not just take baby out with you - put her in pushchair and she'll hopefully sleep whilst you eat.

I can understand mil perhaps speaking without thinking to her son - I'd probably have done the same.

fannybanjo · 04/11/2009 19:56

My mother who is the most easy going and non-confrontational person in the world would have kittens if I decided to leave my 4.5 month old DD with a babysitter in this country who I didn't know from Adam, let alone in Thailand! Fucking hell, no way whatsoever and I think you are a lunatic. Why would you want child free nights for 5 days of your holiday, whats the point in taking her.

thesecondcocking · 04/11/2009 20:01

i wouldn't. if you take your kids on holiday then you should look after them. I wouldn't leave my handbag with a stranger,let alone one of my children!? i assume your jewellery will be in a safe in the hotel?My answer to this would be the same for a baby any age,in any country btw.
i am sure the McCanns wish they'd not left theirs.

EyeballsintheSky · 04/11/2009 20:03

You are off your trolley. There's a difference between relaxed in parenting style and...well... bonkers. If you can go a taxi ride away in a foreign country and leave your, let's face it, tiny baby with a total stranger then enjoy your evenings. But I'm not surprised your MIL is concerned.

girlsyearapart · 04/11/2009 20:03

yabu about the idea of leaving him for that many nights in a strange place with a stranger.

yanbu about not wanting your mil to stick her nose in/your dh to tell his mum everything.

Feierabend · 04/11/2009 20:05

I am surprised you even feel up to going out with a 4.5 month old baby. I know all I would want to do is sleep!

Iggi999 · 04/11/2009 20:07

[mouthdroppingemoticon]

NowtonTelly · 04/11/2009 20:09

thesecondcocking · 04/11/2009 20:10

innit?
i wouldn't leave my purse out in a hotel room let alone my baby...
poor kid eh?

Arsed · 04/11/2009 20:14

You are Mad.

What is the point in having a baby if you expect eveything to continue just as it did before?

I wouldnt leave my 5 year old with a stranger. Hell would freeze over before i'd leave my baby with one.

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