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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want DP to realise that a section is surgery?

47 replies

LissyGlitter · 04/11/2009 13:21

Last night I was having contractions, and we were debating whether or not to go into hospital (we didn't in the end, and they tailed off). I said something about wondering whether it is better to have planned or emergency surgery (I have to have a section) and DP said "I dunno, I don't know anything about surgery, the only surgery I have experience of is the kind my ex had"...two and a half years ago he held my hand as I had a section with dd! I pointed this out and he said "yeah, well, it's not like you had a general or anything, when you have a general you could die, it's very emotionally draining and risky. My ex could have ended up incontinent or anything if the surgery went wrong" (she had spinal surgery)

He then couldn't understand why I was annoyed! He says he knows I'm scared and will do anything to help me, but I have no reason to be scared because it is a really common procedure and if men had it they would be back at work the next day.

I think he was just trying to cheer me up, but between contractions it didn't go down very well!

OP posts:
Kathyis12feethighandbites · 04/11/2009 13:26

"it is a really common procedure and if men had it they would be back at work the next day."

But women who have had sections are, effectively, back at work the SAME day, and in some cases starting a new job, with very extended hours - ie looking after/bf a new baby!

You are, obviously, not being unreasonable!

ginnybag · 04/11/2009 13:26

Direct him to an information site on C-Sections and watch his face change.

On your own behalf, ring your midwife or whoever and tell them you were having contractions. How much longer do you have to wait for the planned section and when's your 'official' due date? If it's close and you're having contractions like this, they may want to look at moving your elective closer if you couldn't deliver vaginally.

OTOH, there's not much procedurally between and planned and an emergency section - it's just less stressed and frantic-seeming!

Good luck either way!!

Marioandluigi · 04/11/2009 13:28

YANBU - I have had two sections and it is surgery, and bloody painful afterwards. I have also had my appendix out and it wasnt as bad as my sections.

Iklboo · 04/11/2009 13:28

Offer to demonstrate the initial incision etc with a steak knife

Iklboo · 04/11/2009 13:29

Actually, it sounds like he has some strange idea that women are kangaroos and the baby grows in a little pouch just under the skin

Habbibu · 04/11/2009 13:30

Tell him they wouldn't be back to work if they had to drive... Who goes to work straight after (say) an appendectomy? That's pretty routine too.

seaglass · 04/11/2009 13:32

After my c/sections, the miwife told me that it was worse than a lot of routine surgeries, as you have the addition of your body trying to get back to normal after your baby is born too, and having to look after the new baby and any other DC's you may have.

Tell your DP he is being a plonker!

Original poster
LissyGlitter · 04/11/2009 13:34

The section is booked for the 16th. Do you really reckon I should ring her? My community midwife or the hospital? I am desperate to have this baby, everything hurts and I haven't had a decent sleep in weeks! (I know babies need feeding, but at least you get a couple of hours sleep between feeds!)

OP posts:
dittany · 04/11/2009 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 04/11/2009 13:43

Yeah, and being awake while 9 people stand around, one of them rummaging inside your innards like they are a giant handbag is really not-at-all-freaky (emergency section with DS1)

Undercovamutha · 04/11/2009 13:44

YANBU. I had my two DCs 'naturally', and although it wasn't exactly pain-free I would never have preferred a CS as I am PETRIFIED at the thought of surgery (which a CS obviously is!).
Mind you he's not the first D H to make light of childbirth in general (my DH has been known to utter the words 'women have babies in fields - its a perfectly natural thing!' in response to my pre-childbirth worries!).

hanaflower · 04/11/2009 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toomanyballs · 04/11/2009 13:45

If its any help, having a spinal block etc is much nicer and less stressful when not having contractions.

Can't help with dumb man!!!

Original poster
LissyGlitter · 04/11/2009 13:46

He actually said the worst bit for me would probably be not eating for the day before! I do think he was just trying to make me laugh and not worry, but I just wanted a hug and a backrub (and maybe some chocolate...) and not to hear about his bloody ex!

OP posts:
harimosmummy · 04/11/2009 13:47

Well, I've had two planned CS - elective, I might add, so it was my choosing.

And I had great recoveries afterwards in both cases.

I still class it as major surgery.

You are SOOO not being unreasonable.
(and as second wife, comparing that to his ex is WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG)

For that alone, I'd have been seriously ticked off!!!

dittany · 04/11/2009 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LissyGlitter · 04/11/2009 13:53

undercovamutha Oh, I've had that as well - apparently women in history managed to work in the fields until they gave birth and then just jumped up and carried on... Never mind that DD (and possibly me) would have died in that situation, and so I am a little nervous about a repeat!
He also tried to tell me that my Nana wouldn't have made such a fuss - I happen to know for a fact that she was in hospital for two weeks after a straightforward birth with her first child and employed a "woman who does" around the house for the end of her second pregnancy and first few weeks with the new baby. It was just what you did in those days apparently. Sounds like heaven!

OP posts:
SolidGoldBangers · 04/11/2009 13:58

Oh just remind him that up to a third of women used to die in childbirth when there was no medical assistance.

diddl · 04/11/2009 13:58

The only point I might concede is the GA/not GA.

But not surgery???

FFS! I recently had a boil removed from under armpit with an local.

And of course I could get up & go as soon as finished.

But I had strict instructions to move arm as little as poss, ice every hour, no reaching up etc.
Basically take pain killers & relax.

And when I looked a bit , they said well you have had surgery!

And talking about ex-that´s just awful!

dittany · 04/11/2009 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chattermouse · 04/11/2009 14:03

Am very sorry to have to break it to you but our dp is thick. Only a blithering idiot could fail to notice or understand that a section is major surgery. He must have no common sence or grasp of current news stories. There are some morons out there and sadly you seem to have bagged one of them.

posieparker · 04/11/2009 14:06

I can comment, GA/not GA.
I have had four sections, yes four! One emergency with an epidural, one GA and two planned. The planned were a little better than the emergency but there wasn't too much difference between the first two, except I couldn't and can't remember the first time I saw dc2.

My DH did try to compare his vasectomy with my section, and by doing so nearly made the procedure unnecessary!

Undercovamutha · 04/11/2009 14:06

You really don't want to be hearing the word 'fuss' in relation to CS/childbirth. Talk about asking for a plate to be thrown at him!

posieparker · 04/11/2009 14:08

Oh and major surgery it is, that's why you have morphine and a whole medical team to assist. For my last one I had the senior registrar to slice me.

Indith · 04/11/2009 14:10

Men

Make sure you "have" more contractions tonight and Accidently punch him/break his fingers

Sounds like he was doing that stupid hole diggin, trying to make you feel better/laugh thing that just makes you want to cry. Dh is an expert.

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