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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want DP to realise that a section is surgery?

47 replies

LissyGlitter · 04/11/2009 13:21

Last night I was having contractions, and we were debating whether or not to go into hospital (we didn't in the end, and they tailed off). I said something about wondering whether it is better to have planned or emergency surgery (I have to have a section) and DP said "I dunno, I don't know anything about surgery, the only surgery I have experience of is the kind my ex had"...two and a half years ago he held my hand as I had a section with dd! I pointed this out and he said "yeah, well, it's not like you had a general or anything, when you have a general you could die, it's very emotionally draining and risky. My ex could have ended up incontinent or anything if the surgery went wrong" (she had spinal surgery)

He then couldn't understand why I was annoyed! He says he knows I'm scared and will do anything to help me, but I have no reason to be scared because it is a really common procedure and if men had it they would be back at work the next day.

I think he was just trying to cheer me up, but between contractions it didn't go down very well!

OP posts:

chubbleigh · 04/11/2009 14:18

Make him WATCH down the business end of the procedure and then let him tell you it is not surgery, bye the way done by a whole team of doctors, nurses, anaethatists etc. Remember the extras, anti clotting drugs, strong pain killers for a couple of weeks, surgical stockings for 2 weeks, no driving for 6 weeks! Is that all for show? Or is it serious abdominal surgery?

Original poster

LissyGlitter · 04/11/2009 14:20

He has already watched me having an emergency one!

OP posts:

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 04/11/2009 15:01

Did you get one of those forms saying what you are/are not allowed to do after the CS?
I got one last time and it impressed my DH... I remember it said that only after a WEEK you are allowed to do LIGHT dusting! And no cooking, lifting, hoovering etc for a good while after that!

NestaFiesta · 04/11/2009 16:03

YANBU. Make him watch a C section on Youtube. Its MAJOR surgery. Just because they are done often doesn't mean they are low risk or minor. Bringing his ex into it is just bloody tactless and insensitive.

mummytotwins · 04/11/2009 16:17

A section is MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY end of, he is being a plank, ask your midwife to explain this to him!

ginnybag · 04/11/2009 16:23

Yes, I'd bell your midwife - if only to explain to your DH what a twonk he's being!

No, give them a ring and mention it, especially if you have more contractions. T'is what they're for and you're obviously not going to get support at home. Why are men so bloody clueless sometimes?

BonjourIvresse · 04/11/2009 16:30

I've had an appendoctomy and a c-section. A section was far more painful and the recovery was a lot harder. He's a twat.

lucky1979 · 04/11/2009 16:47

Thing that brought home to me that a section was major surgery was when the doctor breezily looked over the screen while she was stitching me up and said "Nearly done dear, just finishing stitching layer 5 of 7"!

Even if he is just trying to be funny a distract you, he needs firmly telling that it's not helpful.

megcleary · 04/11/2009 16:52

The morning after my emergency section for dd a student midwife told me " its not considered an operation you know"

That only popped back into my head a few weeks later (post baby dementia ) I will thump that cow if I ever have the courage to have a second. DD is two now and I am no nearer to a decision.

Fabster · 04/11/2009 16:53

Well my none surgery emergency section was fucked up so I had to have operation the following year, nearly lost my last baby as the scar nearly ruptured and now can't have any more children.

He is an idiot.

Lulumama · 04/11/2009 16:55

when you have your pre op and do your consent, ensure he is listening the the risks

it is not a breeze, it is major abdominal surgery and does carry risks, to you and the baby, not to say it is a terrifyingly risky procedure, but he needs to be aware it is not just a way of taking the baby out, it is surgery, regional anaesthesia or not

dittany · 04/11/2009 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 04/11/2009 16:59

Your DH is talking nonsense. A CS is major abdominal surgery!!! It is, however, ne of the only surgeries you ever have where you are expected to be up and busy the same day, looking after a brand new baby 24/7!

My FIL had a hip op around the same time I had my cs, both done under spinal not GA.

He was rested in hosptal for several days after, taken care of, told to take things easy, etc.

I was out of bed the next morning (evening cs) looking after a baby and expected to do it alone. Infact within a couple of hours I was being expected to watch and help bath my baby, dress her, feed her and then deal with her overnight.

JemL · 04/11/2009 17:03

"no reason to be scared because it is a really common procedure and if men had it they would be back at work the next day."

I guarantee that if men had caesareans, they would be in hospital for at least 2 weeks afterwards and would stay in bed to recuperate at home for at least another 4.

diddl · 04/11/2009 17:55

If men had babies they would only do it once!

Jeez, they get a cold and have to take totheir beds!

Fibilou · 04/11/2009 18:03

No offence here but what a complete twat. Heart surgery is done regularly but I doubt anyone would call it minor.

I'm actually speechless on your behalf

bigduncspigeon · 04/11/2009 18:26

Snap with my dh- didn't think my 2 c sections were serious surgery- until my mw told him off. She told me to stay in pjs and feed baby- do nothing else for a week as it is major surgery.

Northernlurker · 04/11/2009 18:34

So will you be showing Mr 'It's no big deal' this thread?

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 04/11/2009 18:45

Good luck Lissy
And yanbu of course!

teabreakgirl · 04/11/2009 19:13

I dont understand why he thinks like that...really. Ive had two sections both emergencies. The second time I actually gave birth with use of forceps but they reopened the scar 'to investigate'. I was put under and baby taken away to be temp looked after while they did this. Its an awful experience that IS major surgery. I dont think yabu. But you need to have words with him about comparing situations. My ex is the opposite in the extreme. Hes so scared I dont think he will agree to another baby. Which I desperately would love.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 04/11/2009 19:13

Umm...a spinal block isn't risk free either! Does he realise what 'local anaesthetic' you have? Does he think it's just a little injection like when you have a tooth out?

teabreakgirl · 04/11/2009 19:18

didnt mean MY ex, meant dp! Sorry, didnt make sense. Seriously, show him this thread!!!

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