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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that a mum who is ill with swine flu sent her son (7) over to our house to play?

33 replies

QuintessentialShadows · 03/11/2009 20:13

My youngest is 4, and was diagnosed with Asthma when he was one years old. He has been admitted to hospital on several occasions with breathing problems when he has a cold. Colds normally turn into pneumonia for my son.

I only got to know about it when I called her to let her know her son was at ours. We had been chatting for nearly 15 minutes when she casually told me she was on tamiflu as she had been in bed with swineflu since sunday.

I told her I would send her son out to play, as my youngest is in a risk group. But she knows this!

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 03/11/2009 20:15

If she sent him over to play, why did you phone her to let her know where he is?

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 03/11/2009 20:17

Because her son said "could you please call my mum and let her know where I am."

When I called her she said "I know, he has been moping around bored all evening so I sent him over to play at yours"

OP posts:
MinkyBorage · 03/11/2009 20:18

when dd1 was diagnosed with sf were were expressly told that you are not contagious unless you actually have symptoms yourself, so hopefully there's nothing to worry about.

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 03/11/2009 20:21

I hope that is true, as I read somewhere that you can be contageous the day before it breaks out proper.

Ds2 had the vaccine just yesterday, they started vaccinating "at risk under 16" first. But I understand it takes 3 weeks for immunity to build.

I am probably more concerned than I would normally be, due to some very worrying episodes in the past with him.

I have all his inhalers, calpol, and what not at the ready. Just over worried I suppose.

OP posts:
twolittlekings · 03/11/2009 20:22

I have a 4 yo asthmatic son diagnosed at a year that gets viral induced asthma and I would be absolutely furious!! I assume she knows he is asthmatic?? How come he was at your house if he was ill? He can't be that ill if he is up and about - which leads me on to saying don't panic since he may not have SF - they seems to diagnosing it when it is only a heavy cold (I know that probably won't make you feel much better!)

Even so, it is not right that she let her son out to play if there is the slightest possibility that he has it - for at least 7 days - so clearly she is not abiding by the guidelines?

I personally am dreading this winter as I also have a 3 month old and whilst you can not wrap them up in cotton wool I am doing things to try and not get swine flu like not going to play centres etc unnecessarily. I have also bought Sambucol for kids which I have read on various forums and internet sites is actually quite effective for flu flighting.

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 03/11/2009 20:25

Her son isnt ill, only the mum, but she has been ill since sunday, so I reckon it is just a question of time before her son is ill/contageous.

She knows my youngest son is vulnerable. Luckily he was in the other room on the computer, and as soon as the boy was out of the door I threw open all windows and scrubbed the area he had been in. I am probably hysterical....

OP posts:
HeWontSleep · 03/11/2009 20:30

Maybe so but I would have been hysterical/furious too! Silly woman.

twolittlekings · 03/11/2009 20:31

sorry crossed wires! Well yes as long as the son is not showing symptoms you should be fine - I have also read that.

No.... I would have done the same thing and would definitely say something, especially as she knows that he is asthamtic.

I think some people just genuinely don't think it's that big a deal. I am waiting to get DS1 vaccnated although slightly nervous I am thinking it is the right thing to do - will be late November before he gets it though.

mummyofevilprincesses · 03/11/2009 20:43

When I was so ill with swine flu I could hardly get out of bed, my friends all rallied round, taking turns to get the girls from school, taking them home for tea and a play then bringing them back just before bedtime. I am so grateful to them, it made it so much better for my children. This was 2 weeks ago now, and my children haven't caught it from me.

twolittlekings · 03/11/2009 20:54

I know that not everyone gets it even if you are in close contact, and it can be very mild for some and not others and that you can't wrap kids up in cotton wool, but if it was me I would have wanted her to call me BEFORE to ask me if it was ok - I would have then had the choice to say no.

weblette · 03/11/2009 21:02

YANBU at all - I'm in a very similar position to twolittlekings with 5yo ds2 and bricking this winter Very thoughtless of her since she knows about your son's asthma.

I know what people say about when it becomes contagious and blah but when you've seen your child in a severe attack caused by the tiniest cold, the prospect of them developing SF sends reason out of the window. Does with me anyway...

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 03/11/2009 21:23

Thanks for sympathy. Good to hear I am not unreasonable.

I am not scared of swineflu per se, not for me, not for ds1, but it is different with ds2. I am just hoping his vaccine will kick in and protect him before the rest of us get it.

OP posts:
Twintummy · 03/11/2009 21:33

YANBU

I'd be fuming. My DD has a very serious heart condition and I live in dread of her getting it.

wannaBe · 03/11/2009 21:40

I think yabu a bit, sorry.

He's not ill. And while I can sort of see your anxiety, reality is that your ds is probably coming into contact with people on a daily basis whose parents/siblings/family members have swine flu.

Would you expect people to keep their children off school as well even if they weren't ill?

twolittlekings · 03/11/2009 21:44

Wannabe - I agree but choice is the key here. The lady was thoughtless......phone before not after if you please.

Thingiebob · 03/11/2009 21:51

No you are not being unreasonable.

I would be FURIOUS especially as your child is so vulnerable.

Hopefully your child wasn't at risk.

islandofsodor · 03/11/2009 21:57

YABU. We think dh just had it. Not 100% sure as they arn't testing and he didn;t bother with Tamiflu. The children's lives carried on as normal, we didn't even bother to tell most people.

I had severe asthma as a child and dd has had a few do's as a toddler.

Conundrumish · 03/11/2009 22:12

YANBU - also can't see why people wouldn't be contagious without symptoms - surely you are with most viruses?

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/11/2009 22:34

yanbu

mum is ill and infectious, her dc could be a carrier

your dc will be prone to chest infections

islandofsodor - you say you think dh had it,my brother and friend both had swine flu,both very ill with it, and in bed for over a week and weak for 2 weeks afterwards,both had tamiflu

sounds to me as if your dh had a bad cold,just as my dh had/has

if you or your dh did think he had swine flue, why didnt you give him tamiflu?

islandofsodor · 03/11/2009 22:45

Dh was in bed for over a week, and two weeks later is still not right. He ended up with a secondary lung infection. I have not known him so ill since he was nearky hospitalised with tonsillitus a couple of years ago.

He didn't get the Tamiflu due to the possible side effects and the fact that it doens't really lessen the effects anyway. The doctor said he may have had it but it may also have been normal flu.

Someone I know had confirmed swine flu right at the start of the outbreak (was swabbed) and had it very mild, thought it was just a hangover and was only tested as his best mate had it and they had both just got back from LA.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/11/2009 22:54

true

i had real flu once

and was in bed for 5 days, crawled to toilet on hands and knees

hope dh feels better soon

islandofsodor · 03/11/2009 22:58

He is a peri teacher and doesn;t get paid when he doesn't work so had to go back as soon as he was able to/not likely to be infectious

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/11/2009 23:19

se like my dh

think thats half the problem, both went back to work before they should have - but needs must

Stripycat23 · 04/11/2009 09:20

YANBU. I wouldn't have been very happy either. I believe that in most cases SF won't be a problem but for some it definitely will be a problem. Your neighbour was thoughtless.

madamearcati · 04/11/2009 09:35

Maybe her DS has already had it. It could easily have been he who infected huis mum.
I think YAB a bit U and PFBish unless you have been keeping your DS in isolation since SF first hit the UK

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