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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to mind about this present?

29 replies

loupiots · 01/11/2009 20:04

I spent some time thinking up a gift for a friend of mine as she has been having a bit of a hard time, and I wanted to make her feel better. In the end I bought her an ipod and loaded it up with albums and songs that I thought she would like.

I just found out that she has auctioned it off. (It's for a good cause, half of the proceeds go to charity and the other half goes to her, so it not entirely selfish)

I know that once you give a gift then it's out of your hands, but I don't know, I just feel a bit hurt by it.

It just seems a bit cold - y/n?

OP posts:

shockers · 01/11/2009 20:08

I think so too...

toddlerama · 01/11/2009 20:09

Well, if she told you that's what she did, she's rude and mean. If you were never meant to find out....we've all done it.....

alicet · 01/11/2009 20:09

You are right that there is nothing you can do about this but I would be really hurt too. It's not about the money is it - it's the thought and effort you put into getting something you thought would cheer her up and she's just gone and sold it.

You say she's having a tough time - is it financial problems? The reason I ask is that if so this would be a little more understandable but in your shoes I'd still be hurt tbh.

Next time don't bother

FuckwitsAllofthem · 01/11/2009 20:10

I agree, I would mind a lot that she had done that with my thoughtful gift FOR HER

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/11/2009 20:14

It is understandable that you feel hurt; this wasn't just a piece of technology, it was time and effort and thoughtfulness. It's sale must feel a little like rejection, a lack of appreciation for what went into the gift.

I really don't think this is an issue where reasonableness or otherwise comes into it.

Original poster

loupiots · 01/11/2009 20:16

No - not financial problems at all. I too would kind of understand it a bit more if there were, tbh.

It does feel like a rejection. I'm not angry, just ~hurt~ and a bit disappointed.

OP posts:

edam · 01/11/2009 20:37

Not a nice way for her to behave at all. You put a lot of effort into creating a lovely gift that should have meant something to her.

Oh well, you'll know not to make an effort with presents for her ever again!

InMyLittleHead · 01/11/2009 20:38

How generous are you?! I'd love to get a present like that. YANBU to be upset, I think it was quite a cold thing to do.

PeedOffWithNits · 01/11/2009 20:48

OP - it was my birthday last week. i would LOVE an ipod and promise not to flog it, good cause or not!

have just reread thread - was this just a spur of the moment gift to cheer her up, not birthday or anything?

I would seriously reasses the friendship. Or does she think you are being too showy with your money, or trying to buy her friendship??

Heifer · 01/11/2009 20:50

How long did she have it before she auctioned if off? Is it possible that she already had an Ipod? Also maybe she downloaded all the songs you so kindly put on so not a total wasted present.

I would be miffed though.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 01/11/2009 21:05

YANBU. How can she not have realised the sentiment behind it- you chose the songs. Songs are a big deal, they're personal.

WidowWadman · 01/11/2009 21:10

She could have thought it's just a used I-Pod if it was given without explanation.

girlsyearapart · 01/11/2009 21:22

yanbu.

As I can't even get songs onto my own i pod anymore! Takes some effort that does..

How did it come up in conversation that she'd auctioned it?

LoveBeingAMummy · 01/11/2009 21:24

do you know why she did it?

LynetteScavo · 01/11/2009 21:29

Did she know you'd chosen the songs especially for her?

It does seem a bit cold..how did you find out?

allaboutme · 01/11/2009 21:30

How long ao did you give her the ipod before she sold it?
Also did you explain about the songs that you put on it?

Original poster

loupiots · 01/11/2009 21:35

I found out through a newsletter. It listed an event that she had gone to and said what had been donated to the charity auction by each person.

I knew that she didn't have an Ipod already. Anyway, haven't spoken to her yet - I'll wait and see if she brings it up. If not, guess I'll just chalk it up to experience.

OP posts:

Original poster

loupiots · 01/11/2009 21:37

Gave it to her back in the summer and I did say - hope you like the music I've put on ...

OP posts:

AnyGhoulKno · 01/11/2009 21:37

such a shame, what a thoughtful gift. perhaps she thought she wouldn't get round to using it.

LynetteScavo · 01/11/2009 21:42

Maybe she just never used it?

mooki · 01/11/2009 21:57

Is it possible she liked it so much that she bought another one to give away at the auction?

BosomForAPillow · 01/11/2009 22:02

Maybe the auctioned off ipod was a different one to the one you gave her?

lilolilmanchester · 01/11/2009 22:13

I would feel hurt too, Lou. Tho before spending that kind of money on a gift would have made absolutely sure it was what she wanted. Maybe she is so deperate that she needs the money?

Mummee · 01/11/2009 22:50

I would just clarify things with her. How old is she? maybe she is not really into things like that or was not using it much. Is she a music lover with loads of spare time?

LynetteScavo · 02/11/2009 09:29

Maybe 2 people gave her ipods, and she auctioned the other one?

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