Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be wound up by primary school kids wearing shag bands

156 replies

RattusNorvegicus · 23/10/2009 21:18

I work in a high school and we had Y5 primary school kids visiting for transition today. Lots of them had shag bands on. These have been banned from our school, and I'm sure most of the younger kids don't know what they represent, but it still goes through me to see them being worn.New here, be gentle!

OP posts:
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 24/10/2009 23:27

Ok, this is how the conversation with 8yo dd went-
dd- mummy I want those bands that X wears
me-oh, ok I'll keep an eye out for some for you
dd- mummy is shag what you do to have a baby?
Me- errrr, well yes but I'd rather you didn't use that word...
dd- well X says that if a boy snaps one that's what he wants to do with you, and if it's a pink one you have to show him your boobs

What should I have said? Yes dear, that sounds like a nice idea I'll pick some up tomorrow?

These are 8yo that have good parents, go to good schools, and are otherwise childish in their outlook.
I don't believe for one moment that no other children of this age are aware of their 'meaning'.

BobbingForPeachys · 24/10/2009 23:37

DS1 wears a purple one, should I be pleased that he just kisses then?

Er no, he wears it becuase it was given to him by his fave charity at a therapy session

Bizarre idea that i've never come across. MN, eh?

But theyre banned now anyway, apaprnelty its a H&S risk. Er, how?

herladyship · 24/10/2009 23:40

i have a ds in secondary school and a dd in primary school..

i have NEVER heard of these bracelets, i have just asked ds (15 next week) and his friend about them and they say they have never heard of them either!!

maybe it is because we live in lincolnshire and it will take another 20 years for any 'trend' to reach us?

choosyfloosy · 24/10/2009 23:47

Haven't read all the thread but have read the Snopes link. Quite telling.

It's not a nice thought, but not new either.

I must say, at 11 I was copying out stories from Fiesta magazine and reading the results to my friends round the back of the Portacabins at school. In a society where porn is fairly freely available, children are going to pick up on it at any level they can take in.

BobbingForPeachys · 24/10/2009 23:48

DS1 doesn't know what one is either

He is ten and we live twenty minutes from 2 cities so whilst not London, not rmeote either

ravenAK · 24/10/2009 23:54

The secondary school kids I teach think they are hilarious.

Partly because 'oooh, Ben snapped Lauren's fluorescent pink band & now she has to '. Which is jolly funny if you're 12.

But mostly, I'm afraid, because their dps are getting in a right old tizz about it.

It came up in a chat with year 10 the other day (no, no idea how we got there from Oliver Twist).

'Miss! My mum actually believes that if some greasy denger snaps one of these I'm going to shag him! Hahahah! She's such a loser...'

I'd let my dc have them, not a problem. They'll be the height of naff by after half term, anyway, & trendy will be wearing 5ps in your ear or something...

midlandsmumof4 · 25/10/2009 00:38

Saw a huge sign in the Pound shop the other day advertising SHAG BANDS -never heard of them but the name was to say the least. Later overheard the local PC telling another local trader that they had advised removal of the sign as it had been reported as offensive. Its now been taken down. What do they represent?

RubberDuck · 25/10/2009 08:39

{wonders idly if local PC is going to ban signs for shag pile carpets too }

sprogger · 25/10/2009 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 25/10/2009 09:15

I told her that having to do anything because a boy snapped a piece of plastic was the most ridiculous notion I ever heard, and she agreed.
She already knows about sex within the context of a loving relationship, and I don't think she is ready to discuss the ins and outs of casual sex or foreplay just yet.
She said she didn't want a bracelet because it was a shag band, simply that she liked them.
I explained that I felt uncomfortable letting her wear something that was encouraging ill informed discussions about sex, and should she have any questions she should ask me, and not to worry about my reaction as I would be as honest as I could.

We settled on a pretty charm bracelet for her to wear instead.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 25/10/2009 09:40

Just had another little chat about it, and it seems she had heard a little more than she had first revealed.
Apparently a boy told her that a certain colour one means you have to do (her words) 'something really disgusting mum, I don't want to tell you cos it makes me feel poorly, and it sounds painful'

Confirmation, in my mind, of how they are totally unsuitable for primary children. I shouldn't be having to have discussions with my 8yo about sex acts, surely?

RubberDuck · 25/10/2009 09:43

Thing is, even if the bit of plastic didn't exist - the chances are that boy was likely to have talked to her about the act. A bit of coloured plastic didn't enforce the conversation, the other kid did.

Rather than wasting your time being outraged about a coloured piece of tat, I'd be saving your ire for the school/boy/parents of the boy tbh

RubberDuck · 25/10/2009 09:45

And it really doesn't help that the newspapers keep printing the list of what the colours are supposed to "mean" while faking moral outrage - it just propagates the story further, with more parents questioning their kids about the bands and pointing to the paper article - voila, their kid can now tell every other at school which one means blow job...

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 25/10/2009 09:59

I've just text his mother, as I'd want to know if I were her. Still think the bands encourage these type of situations, but we'll have to agree to disagree.

TombliBOOOOOObs · 25/10/2009 10:06

Oh yes its all because parents are sitting down with the newspaper and teaching their children what each colour means and I an also not sure about the shag bands being used as a tool for sex ed, that those parents who disagree with them are not fully utilising

Bringing in to question MorecrackthanHarlem's parenting because she said no is also

RubberDuck · 25/10/2009 10:22

Not just parents but older siblings can read newspapers too you know - I was certainly reading the family newspaper at 12 (the Mail... shudder). A paper with such a large circulation is going to get into more homes and boost the popularity and "knowledge".

Otherwise you get the chinese whisper effect where everyone has different ideas over what band means what - see ravenAK's example in her school "Partly because 'oooh, Ben snapped Lauren's fluorescent pink band & now she has to '. Which is jolly funny if you're 12."

And no, I wasn't criticising MoreCrack's parenting, though I admit I generally have quite a brusque style when typing on here. I was suggesting that she might want to raise it with the school as I think the fact that it was in context of a bit of plastic is downplaying that another kid is acting inappropriately.

(Incidentally, on the whole text can be misconstrued thing, MCTH - it might be a good idea to follow up the text with actually speaking to the mother? I hope things get sorted out )

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 25/10/2009 10:22

I have only just realised the full extent of what dd has heard about the damn things, and tbh I am a bit sickened.
I would also bet lots of other children have heard similar things, whether they have discussed it with their parents or not.

If you are comfortable with a toy that clearly encourages sharing of highly inappropriate info, then go ahead. I will still be saying NO.
I will talk about sex in more detail with dd when I feel she is ready, and not be forced into it by some nasty playground fad, thank you.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 25/10/2009 10:24

I have asked her to call me when she is available, RD.

TombliBOOOOOObs · 25/10/2009 10:26

Why does it matter if it is all over the papers if it isn't a problem for children to have them, as so many people seem to believe?

RubberDuck · 25/10/2009 10:28

Because the very people who are so upset that they are popular are creating the hype that guarantees they stay popular.

TombliBOOOOOObs · 25/10/2009 10:34

I really don't buy that argument RubberDuck. They are popular because children like them, ask for them and parents knowingly buy them.

It is the parents buying them that I object to the most.

What is so wrong with the approach Crack took with her DD, seemed well thought out and well discussed with her DD. Just some parents can't/won't say no.

RubberDuck · 25/10/2009 10:42

I don't think the approach was wrong - I've already stated that I wasn't criticising MCTH's reaction. It's not (personally) a stand I would have taken, but I too would be disturbed if my daughter had been upset with the conversation that followed and would probably have brought it up with the school or parents.

I remember my own childhood and remember similar conversations (though mostly giggly between friends) just not in reference to cheap plastic colourful bands.

So I don't think they should be banned, nor does primary school kids wearing them wind me up, which after all was the whole point of the OP. I would question them being worn at school - but from uniform issues rather than what the bands were supposed to represent.

Now, don't get me wrong, I can get insanely irrational about other stuff which is meaningless to other people - the pinkification of everything associated with girls and even grown women. I could argue on the evils of that until the cows come home, so don't think that I don't get the passion in the argument. I don't think the colour pink should be banned though.

I just can't get overly excited about plastic bands around a wrist. Sorry.

Each to their own.

TombliBOOOOOObs · 25/10/2009 10:49

Ah now you see I agree with you on the 'the pinkification of everything associated with girls and even grown women'

Am happy to at least have engaged in a reasonable debate rubberduck am increasingly becoming irritated by the simple FGS/FFS approach to a disagreement of opinions on MN

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 25/10/2009 11:01

Tomblibooobs, the discussion with my dd was not well thought out, and that is the point.
Instead of being able to talk to dd in time, as and when I felt she was able to understand and process the info, I was rail roaded into it by a 9yo boy.
Thanks for the support, though

I do not for one second believe that shag bands were not responsible for this situation. This boy learnt his 'facts' from another child whilst he was wearing his shag bands, and he in turn passed it on when my dd expressed an interest in them. I really believe that allowing your young child to wear them is an invitation for more 'knowledgeable' children to talk to them about sexual acts they have no business being privvy to at 8 years old.

RubberDuck · 25/10/2009 11:05

I bloody love Mumsnet. You can have a heated discussion and it not turn personal.

MCTH: I do really sympathise. I ended up having a conversation with my 8 year old about racism the other day. In some ways, I wish it had been about sex instead - at least that can be about love, trust and pleasure

I don't think you ever get to have well thought out conversations with 8 year olds. That's the "delight" of parenthood - it doesn't come with a how-to manual (much to my frequent complaints).