To be p****d off that DH is a much better parent than me!

[Mooncupflowethover]

This wasn't how it was meant to be surely? DH spends so much time with DS1, he just ENJOYS being with him/playing with him etc. He has patience, he cooks proper meals for him, he cuddles him non stop.

Tonight DS1 (who can be a serious handful, he's 2.6) was playing a board game with me and when I told him it was time to call it a day he threw a paddy and chucked the pieces everywhere. I'm sorry to say, I saw red, and dragged him by one arm very roughly to the time out corner, whilst he screamed the place down. I want to point out that I feel pretty awful about this, made worse by DH shouting 'For God's sake, put him down!'

I stormed off into the kitchen in a fury and stood there with steam practically coming out of my ears, and I could hear DH soothing DS.

DH put DS to bed as usual, and I could hear him reading a story, then I heard heard him talking to DS, asking him what he'd been doing today, and telling him what a lovely day they were going to have tomorrow, all the stuff they were going to do etc.

I went outside for a good cry, feeling like a totally shit parent (which, lets face it, I was). When I came back in DH bollocked me gently, pointing out (as if I didn't know!) that I was completely over the top, and under no circumstances was I to do it again.

I wanted so much to be a great mum, but I get so bored/frustrated/annoyed. I give him ready meals (ok, Annabel Karmel ones, but still), I hate playing games, it all feels like I have to force myself to do all this. Surely it should come naturally, like it does with DH?

So DS is lucky to have his Dad, but WHY can't I be as good at parenting as he is, it's not bloody fair, I'm jealous, so I guess I ABU aren't I!

Mooncup Happy birthday!

A few months ago, in fact about a year ago I was so upset at the way I would flame up at DD1 that I thought I'd go counselling or try CBT. Then a friend, a psychologist, gave me a paper written by the NHS called How to Control Anger which helped a lot in addressing the reasons behind I was getting angry and try to defuse the anger. I also realised that my lack of patience and reason often happen when pms (I struggle admitting it for some reason but here you are). I have noticed that same situation/same behaviour from dd a week later would make me laugh or I would tackle it completely different. Just being aware of that makes me more attentive to my reaction and I am able to control my rising anger.
(It is not as bad as it sound but as DD1 is the most good natured and gentle girl I feel quite rubbish even at shoutng at her. I am sure you'll understand.)

Main reason behind it all is this: the baby. I didn't know it. I really thought I was okay. Well I was okay but thinking about it now I was bloody tired even with a baby that never woke up during the night. I am probably still tired now but less therefore a lot less short tempered.

If you want me to email that paper I'll be happy to.

Mooncup Happy birthday!

A few months ago, in fact about a year ago I was so upset at the way I would flame up at DD1 that I thought I'd go counselling or try CBT. Then a friend, a psychologist, gave me a paper written by the NHS called How to Control Anger which helped a lot in addressing the reasons behind I was getting angry and try to defuse the anger. I also realised that my lack of patience and reason often happen when pms (I struggle admitting it for some reason but here you are). I have noticed that same situation/same behaviour from dd a week later would make me laugh or I would tackle it completely different. Just being aware of that makes me more attentive to my reaction and I am able to control my rising anger.
(It is not as bad as it sound but as DD1 is the most good natured and gentle girl I feel quite rubbish even at shoutng at her. I am sure you'll understand.)

Main reason behind it all is this: the baby. I didn't know it. I really thought I was okay. Well I was okay but thinking about it now I was bloody tired even with a baby that never woke up during the night. I am probably still tired now but less therefore a lot less short tempered.

If you want me to email that paper I'll be happy to.

ker-PLUNK??!! with a toddler??!! you are a better mother than i am... happy birthday again.

I don't know what Ker-plunk is but this makes me add something: think long and hard what are you asking your ds. I know that at times I am asking DD1 a lot more than she is capable of. Not because I am pushy just because she is my first child and sometimes I haven't got a clue, with Dd2 I let her be a child of her age! Also DD1 deals and processes things in a different way than me and sometimes that annoys me, sometimes teaches me too! Dd2 instead act more along my way and we don't clash so much, yet!

please note age range

mooncup, your son is stil very very young. Maybe as he gets older, you will find something that you do really enjoy doing with him and as a result you will feel like a better parent because you are enjoying his company.

It's normal to feel angry and frustrated at times but you need to find a method to stop you acting out your anger on your son. You should have stormed out to the garden much earlier

Thanks to all again for the Happy Birthdays ..has been quite a good day.

DaddyJ -

Thanks for your posts, I kept cool because people had valid points. I'm happy to take criticism if it's justified, and I appreciate kind words if they're offered. I'm v. glad you think it bodes well ..I hope you're right!!

DemonBradley -

Yes that would be great. Just tried to contact you to send email, but I needed to change some settings on my registration, so i'll do that over the next couple of days, thanks for the offer..
I think I probably do expect a lot of him, but it's only really after the event that I realise (I could apply that to a lot of aspects of my life actually!)

AitchTwo -

Lol, yes, yes I know! But he was doing SO well (pulling out the straws with that 2 year old gusto). I did try to explain that the one with the least marbles wins. He looked at me a little like this , and continued yanking straw's out!

pointyhat -

I know he's young, I really want to have a great relationship with him. I hoped to have a Mummy's boy so he'd stay with me always (while, quite a while anyway ). I definitely should have stormed outside earlier, I said that to DH, he said I should have put up a tent and stayed there (he was kidding, I hope ).

Glad you had a good day yesterday, Mooncup.

I have to say that at that age I found toddler groups & visiting friends with children the same age invaluable, so that I didn´t spend too long doing the same old same old.

Mooncup I have found the link for you. Controlling Anger.

Taking the time to read it and to answer the question mean actually taking some time to think about your behaviour, analyse yourself and feel so stupid and childish that next time you feel anger rising you will make a serious effort to deal with it in a different way.

LOL at tent. TBH If/when I feel myself getting stressed I live the dds and go in a different room for 5 minutes. I come out much more calm after that. Oh and leaving DH to bathe and dress both children on his own and hearing him getting stressed too made me realise that he is not better than me, he just doesn't have it day in and day out. I actually now think I am great to manage everything on my own and hardly ever getting my knicker in a twist. If and when I do sometimes it's just fair enough.

I also make sure that when I get upset I apologise to the girls and explain things and let them talk about theor feelings.

Sorry about long post but I do care about this issue because there was a time when DD2 was about 8 months that I was as upset about this as you are. There might be some posts about if I was brave enought to post.