To think all those people who want to have a christmas with just "our little family" are a bit mad?

[BlingLoving]

I know, I'm going to get slated for this. But honestly, I read on MN all the time about people wanting to be with just DH and DC and it actually breaks my heart. Both DH and I come from a world where it's assumed that if you are physically close to your family at Christmas time, you spend it with them - even embarassing old great uncles because everyone is welcome. At my parents' house we practically had an open house policy and I love the fact that even now, we never spend a christmas without extended family and friends and at least one or two "strays" who don't have anywere else to go so someone invites them to come to us. That's what Christmas is about for me.

Why would you want to ditch your parents? You want to spend it with your children, can't you see that they'd want to spend Christmas with their children too? And isn't half the fun of Christmas the fact that it's so over the top and crazy? If it's just a day at home with you and the children, how is that different to any other day?

Obviously, I'm assuming fairly "normal" familial relationships here and am not suggesting that in cases of truly awful relationships/abuse etc etc that anyone should feel obliged to spend it with family.

each to their own but DH & I are quietly hoping for an xmas at home with the kids this year. If we are with DH family, I am expected to do all the catering in FILs very small kitchen (MIL died 5yrs ago), bring all the food and ensure that FIL & neighbour get pissed without being annoyed by DC. If we are with my family, it involves a 500mile drive with DC & 2 dogs, constant criticism about my life, etc etc and then DH and my mum not speaking.

Peace and goodwill to everyone but what about me? just once (in the 13yrs DH & I have been together) we have decided that we are going to focus on DC and not try to placate the rest of the family. FWIW no one is going to be alone. BIL is coming to stay with FIL and my mum is going to her DPs family.

The problem for us, is that we love both sets of parents but they have very different ways of doing things and clash when together, one family has a very prim and proper christmas, big sit-down meal almost time-tabled in how things should be done and the other is all about fun and enjoying yourself, neither has a wrong way of wanting things but just completely poles apart in personalities so cant have them all together and even if we could we wouldnt have the room for everyone here as we have a tiny house, so it either have christmas with one sets of pils or on our own, seeing everyone else on christmas eve and boxing day. If it was possible I would love to have them all, but as it is it would end up with no-one really enjoying the day and resenting each-other.

yabu, big noisy family xmas's can be extremely sressful for some of us due to family dynamics.

I spend the whole year carefully co-ordinating gps visits to see dcs so no one gets offended and all 3 gps are happy.

I love peace and quiet and time alone just the 4 of us at home, quite averse to visitors generally, find them intrusive and anxiety provoking. Don't get me wrong I like to socialise but not always in my home, it's my haven.

Some of us just can't handle lots of people and noise=stress and irritability.

For the 10 years me and dh have been together we've done what our parents have wanted to do at Christmas. This year it's just us the 4 of us (ds will only be 14 weeks old anyway)and I can't wait.

Am I the only MNer who is lucky enough not to find Christmas arrangements particularly stressful? We go to one family or the other, eat some food, drink some booze, watch some telly, open some presents, play some games, come home again. Nobody would bat an eyelid if we said we wanted Christmas Day at home.

I agree completely.

How would you feel if, when you're old and grey, your DC turn around and tell you you're not welcome at Christmas as it's "families only"?

Pretty hurt, I would imagine.

But what about my situation? I wouldlove to have a big family christmas but whose family do I include? DH's who live 200 miles away in the midlands, or mine, who live in brum, oxford, essex and the south coast?
We can't choose, and we don't want to do the 'one year here, one' year there thing as it's a PITA for us so we have pre christmas weekend at a rented hosue for my siblings and mum, and then new year a big meal/party at IL's.
So christmas is just us, and we like it as it is the only day of the year DH can turn his phone off and not be on call.

"How would you feel if, when you're old and grey, your DC turn around and tell you you're not welcome at Christmas as it's "families only"?

Pretty hurt, I would imagine. "

No, I wouldn't feel hurt unless I was all alone. None of our parents are alone at Christmas; my parents are together and generally are with my brother and sister at Christmas. My PILs are together and also have DH's grandad with them for most of the day.

If one of them were on their own we would invite them to ours. TBH if any parent ever even looked a little hurt they could come to us.

But for now what we do works for us.

I love seeing everyone-as long as they come to us. I am not taking DCs on mad trips all over the country and spending hours in the car! My PIL and parents have had their turn of open house-it is my turn and they can come to me. When my DCs have their own families we will go to them-if invited. Much simpler all round.Children want to be in their own house with their own presents-at least I did as a DC.

YABU. Its up to you what you do. i wouldnt dream of telling anyone they should keep themselves to themselves at Christmas so its not fair to tell people they should get together with family.

Christmas is a time of stress because people do what is expected of them rather than what the want to do. The buy hundreds of pounds worth of plastic tat for their kids, eat food they wouldnt touch any other time of year, watch tv that they hate, see people they dont like, drink egg nog etc etc.

I love Christmas but for us and many other families its a time of quite a lot of pain due to loss. Its nicer to be on our own where we dont have to live up to other's expectations and be all jolly if we dont feel up to it.

I would never turn someone away who wanted or needed to be with us. We often have people round for dinner, usually a newly divorced friend or someone who hasnt got their kids that year.

But I simply could not deal with hours of hothouse Christmas cheer and lots of 'you HAVE to have a Snowball, bit of plum pud, watch Titianic its CHRISTMAS!!!!

No I dont, I am 42 and I can do what the feck I like ta .

'you HAVE to have a Snowball, bit of plum pud, watch Titianic its CHRISTMAS!!!!

No I dont, I am 42 and I can do what the feck I like ta .'

What chegirl said

I love being able to eat what I want when I want, watch what I want and generally do nothing.

You're absolutely right OP, we are about to have our second small Christmas and it is entirely due to the fact that dh is [more than a bit] mad. He has schizoaffective disorder which goes downhill on a regular basis, is on stonking great medication so is overweight which means if he eats a lot at a house of his parents' generation there are pointed remarks about diets, and if any too many relatives are around for longer than a couple of hours, he gets a recurrence of psychosis which means he is tormented by voices. He has all that crap to deal with, and ds and I have to deal with the fallout, which is no laugh riot either. He is also the love of my life, and the man I married for better for worse (well, not really, it was a register office, but it applies anyway).

I would love big family Christmases, lots of people do, and I'm sure we look very exclusive, hurtful and smug from the outside. We are just doing the best we can, like anyone else in the season of goodwill.

I'm similar to clayre in that I do like to see everyone on Xmas day, but I can't fit everyone in at mine, and don't really like being at anyone elses with my LO.

I have the IL's over for xmas brekkie and visit my Mum, sister & family for a glass of mid-morning champers. We come home to 'our little family' christmas dinner, then head off to someones for Christmas evening and mingles with the crusties.

When I have my country mansion (with a west wing to dissappear into every once in a while) I'd have everyone round all day, play hostess and wow them with my culinary skills (they will come free with the mansion). Well, everyone from my side that is

a family is for life not just for christmas

MIL is a self-centred old bint who leaves smelly wet patches on my sofa cushions. I have no desire to spend Christmas day with her.
We do 'just the four of us' on the day and see all the relatives either side of Xmas - it makes the holiday even longer. I would hate to do the American thing where they go overboard for 24 hours but then are back at work, as per normal, straight after.

We used to have christmas with relatives every year. On the years we visited other relatives houses the DCs seemed disappointed to leave their newly opened gifts. The last time we did it at our house we had ten people for lunch. We rushed around like mad things all day and spent very little time with our own children. Didn't see them open some of their pressies or sit and play with them either. It was a nightmare.

Since then we have had Christmas day on our own .We do however have a big family get together on Boxing Day where more presents are given so spreads them out nicely.