To think all those people who want to have a christmas with just "our little family" are a bit mad?

[BlingLoving]

I know, I'm going to get slated for this. But honestly, I read on MN all the time about people wanting to be with just DH and DC and it actually breaks my heart. Both DH and I come from a world where it's assumed that if you are physically close to your family at Christmas time, you spend it with them - even embarassing old great uncles because everyone is welcome. At my parents' house we practically had an open house policy and I love the fact that even now, we never spend a christmas without extended family and friends and at least one or two "strays" who don't have anywere else to go so someone invites them to come to us. That's what Christmas is about for me.

Why would you want to ditch your parents? You want to spend it with your children, can't you see that they'd want to spend Christmas with their children too? And isn't half the fun of Christmas the fact that it's so over the top and crazy? If it's just a day at home with you and the children, how is that different to any other day?

Obviously, I'm assuming fairly "normal" familial relationships here and am not suggesting that in cases of truly awful relationships/abuse etc etc that anyone should feel obliged to spend it with family.

I think it depends rather on your family.

andgodcreated - as a mother in modern society of course you should cook for 132. in fact only doing it at christmas is shocking. lets do it on thanks giving as well.

I do see family on xmas day btw - we visit, have a quick drink and leave.

We will be at ILs this year, but I will miss my parents madhouse - last year we had Me, DP, DD, my two sisters, mum, dad, nana, grandad, two of my housemates, one of my housemates mum and dad and boyfriend, and a couple of sets of aunties, uncles and cousins popped in at various points too. It was ace, total chaos, all the different people squashed around a wallpaper table to eat, trying to play board games that nobody really understood, generally having a brilliant time

I have had the last 2 christmases with just me and my DH and his brother (last year).

My mum sometimes goes away for Christmas and my siblings do their own thing. I've not had a big family christmas for a while and it was really nice doing our own for the first time. If we manage to have a baby I think I will continue doing christmas this way.

from another perspective, DH and I would love to spend time over christmas with our families - to be honest the kids get a bit bored with just us however my dad lives in spain and DH's parents (divorced years ago and now married to other partners) want to spen that time out of the country on holiday and catching up with "friends" rather than with family. I hate it just being us as christmas should be with loads of people and lots of fun but we don't have it so there you go. Just us 4 and my sister again this year!!

Well Christmas with our dcs is less boring than with ILs - we had several Christmas Day nights where PILs buggered off to bed early because they were pissed tired, SILs went out to see their friends/boyfriends and we were left on our own once dcs were in bed.....

Now we stay in our own house (extended family are very welcome to come to us btw but they don't - they all live far away and have other grandchildren near them) and have friends over in the evening. Much more fun.

Not mad, but each to his/her own.

We do christmas in a big way, but that is because I grew up abroad/boarding school, and my parents only came back to the UK for 4 weeks over the christmas period, so it has always been a case of a huge family get together.

DH on the other hand comes from a jewish family so it isn't a big deal at all (he doesn't get my planning menus, table decorations, making crackers etc etc starting back in Sept)!

Well this year thanks to work we can't go back to Ireland to see my huge crazy and fantastic family so we're stuck here in England and xmas day will be just me DP and DD and I cannot frigging wait!

DD was only 2 months old last xmas so this year will be the first one she can join in with. There'll be presents under the tree, a stocking on the fireplace for her, loads of food and booze for DP and hopefully fun and happiness a plenty!

Why in the name of all that is holy would we want DP's mental and estranged folks ruining it for us??

I love the big family Christmas, reminds me of the good 'ol days.

Unfortunately the required family have to fly from the other side of the world to have it, or we go there. Grumps. This year parents are flying here, great!

Well, I love Christmases which are just us 4.

(Gosh, that was hard to type with my strait jacket on)

You do not want family, you want friends.

You cannot choose relatives but you can pick your frends

Lots of very apprecative friends over chrstmas day (all who equally want to disown their family), plenty of children to run and have fun

Now that is christmas day

I haven't got a clue what I'm doing for Christmas yet- how far in advance do people plan these things?

i love big family xmases.
however when the kids are little is nice to be able to spend quality time with them rather than rallying round making sure all visitors have drinks etc and cooking massive dinner for million people.... most of my family are happy to go with the flow - get own drinks and helpw with cooking and prep etc but IL expect to be waited on which is frustrating when you would rather be on the floor with DC playing with latest train set or whatever.

I'd love to take off for two weeks in the sun at Christmas. DW, DD and DS can come if they like.

YABU, what works for you may not work for others.

I did xmas 2 years ago for DH's family after working christmas Eve night. I prepared food for weeks, cooked all morning, no sleep, I got very ill, DS1 threw up in his xmas dinner, me and both DS's went to bed with really high temps and I was ill for the next 3 weeks.

This year I am working and we will be spending it just the 4 of us with a very scaled down xmas dinner. I don't think I'm mad at all....just learnt my limitations.

Well ds has ASD and while everyone says that they understand what that means, no-one really does and not enough allowances are made so ds becomes over excited, shouty and naughty and I am just totally tense telling him off for things I would never tell him off for at home so personally I avoid big family gatherings like the plague.

Similar to your Christmas really prettyfly.

Btw I am no misery or mad, I love Christmas but prefer to be in my own home for it.

Me and dd1 have decided to save up for New York next year, go iceskating and all that. I'd love to just bodyswerve all the stressy people. It's a meal, ffs!

YABU- surely it's for each family to decide what works best for them? My H and I have Christmas Day at home now with our 2 children because both sets of parents live too far away; we don't think it is fair on the children to spend Christmas Day in the car and we wanted their memories of Christmas when they're small to be of our home and the traditions we have created.

Both parents would be welcome to come to us but mine entertain their elderly rellies and my H's won't travel that far. We do see them and the rest of the extended family over the festive season though. Best of both worlds IMHO- I wouldn't change it- and YABU to infer my Christmas is inferior to yours.

Well yes, we tend to have big family Christmases here. It's lovely and loud

I'm mad then and happy.

I used to like spending xmas day at home playing with my new toys and a walk before dinner when I was younger. Sometimes we'd have a relative or two to stay.
I like to be sure no one in the family is alone, but all this driving about trying to please everyone can get a bit silly, the day isn't long enough.
Until I had DD I used to quite enjoy working xmas day. It was fun and kept me out of it.

At home Christmas starts on about the 23rd and ends at about 1/1. We visit and people visit us and sometimes we are at home for Christmas (but always for the morning since having DS) and sometimes we are going to someone else's place. It all works out.

While I am looking forward to my last "cold" Christmas I am feeling a bit sad that no-one is coming this year and that we don't have any plans to go visiting. It will feel like just another day I think.

I love my family, even the PITAs. We all drink too much, the kids get hyper and it is generally viewed as a good time to just forget about work/worries and spend time together.

Well we could go to my parents, where my Dad finds someone to fight with and misses Christmas Dinner approximately 1 year in 3 (and it would only be us, my parents, and brother anyway, not exactly the big family round the fire you're imagining) or we could go to DP's parents who are getting divorced this year, or we could stay at our place and do as we please.

BlingLoving I assume this means you spend christmas with all of your family and all of your DH's family too. So do your in laws go to your parent's house then?