To think all those people who want to have a christmas with just "our little family" are a bit mad?

[BlingLoving]

I know, I'm going to get slated for this. But honestly, I read on MN all the time about people wanting to be with just DH and DC and it actually breaks my heart. Both DH and I come from a world where it's assumed that if you are physically close to your family at Christmas time, you spend it with them - even embarassing old great uncles because everyone is welcome. At my parents' house we practically had an open house policy and I love the fact that even now, we never spend a christmas without extended family and friends and at least one or two "strays" who don't have anywere else to go so someone invites them to come to us. That's what Christmas is about for me.

Why would you want to ditch your parents? You want to spend it with your children, can't you see that they'd want to spend Christmas with their children too? And isn't half the fun of Christmas the fact that it's so over the top and crazy? If it's just a day at home with you and the children, how is that different to any other day?

Obviously, I'm assuming fairly "normal" familial relationships here and am not suggesting that in cases of truly awful relationships/abuse etc etc that anyone should feel obliged to spend it with family.

Trillian has it in one.

It's a bit like weddings, isn't it? There's this whole strength of feeling that the way you do things is not only the best way for you, but that everyone else should do them the same way.

I like my quiet family Christmases.

YABU. Don't get why some people think everyone has to enjoy things the same way as they do. Some people like small quiet gatherings. It's entirely possibly the other members of their families feel the same.

It depends on the size and set up of your family tbh. My parents are divorced so that means 3 sets of grandparents to choose from plus I have 4 siblings, dh has 2 siblings plus sil and niece. None of us live in huge houses it is just a bit much really. So then we feel like we have to choose who we go to or invite over and that is very difficult. So we spend People are welcome to pop in for a drink if they wish but we don't go anywhere. We then will visit parents etc on boxing day and the day after. We have another big lunch with them and more pressies a bit like doing christmas day 3 times over!! Works for us at the moment.

I've got an enormous extended family (30 odd) and they all do their own thing on Christmas Day itself. We solve this by meeting up for a big family Christmas lunch in a hotel or pub soemtime over the festive season.

DH and I will be having a quiet one this year with a 3 week old DS2 and 3 year old DS1 and don't really want open house etc. Besides, both my parents and DH's are all divorced and some have remarried and the politics of everything would jutst ruin the day. Lucky you to have so much family harmony, but nobody is mad for choosing the Christmas they would like the most, family or not.

You want to give me instructions on how to fit something like 45 people (if you include extended family and a couple of strays) into a two bedroom Victorian mid-terrace with two small reception rooms?

FIL and MIL do not get on at all (wedding was bad enough)
MIL & FILs wife don't get on
FIL & BIL2 are racist homophobes
BIL2 cannot/will not control his language in front of children
My folks smoke like chimneys and complain if we ask them to smoke outside
Everyone has different tastes in food

If we did the full 'get together' I'd end up on the nine o'clock news - and not in a good way

sorry my post didn't make much sense. We stay home on the day it's self but people are welcome to pop in for a quick drink if they wish, then we visit everyone properly other days.

OMDB.
My parents come to my inlaws on christmas day. My grandmother used to come too, until she got too ill to move. My sil's parents come as well. But they all get along quite well.

I like Christmas and I like Christmas dinner . Last year we had 9 at ours incl my Dad, PILs, SIL and BIL - great. Year before we were away, so just the 4 of us and then we met up with friends for dinner. Year before that DS was born on 22nd Dec, so it was jsut the 4 of us.

I enjoyed all the different options and fortunately no family tension.

This year DH will be away...have been invited to SIL and she is a great cook, so that will be that.

And next year ....???? Who knows? Variety is the spice of life!

my dp's uncle has a big house so did once manage a "proper" family christmas. Generally each of our houses only really fits the people who live there, so inviting people from all over the UK, Ireland and US would just be unfeasible. But all power to you with big houses or who live close to other relatives!

I've enjoyed family christmasses and also intimate just me and dp christmasses. S'all good as long as there's plenty of wine and absolutely no Val Doonicans or HRHs invited as far as I'm concerned...

Whilst in principle I get that Christmas en masse could be fun, my family and DH's don't really mix (not that they argue, they jsut have nothing in common) and no-one lives within walking distance, so they would have to stay or drive - neither being a particularly appealing option. I don't see why the DC should have to be on 'best' visitor-hosting behaviour (or turfed out of their rooms to accomodate visitors) either - Christmas Day is a very relaxed occasion with just 4 of us - sheer logistics would mean it would be far from that if "everyone" came.

I can see that when my DB2 stops coming back to my parents for Christmas we might end up having them over to us, but I dread the political fall-out with my PIL if/when that happens.

i love having Christmas day just the 4 of us we dont usually get dressed but loll around in our jammies having a relaxed day not all fighting and bitching behind each others back dh makes the dinner and its great we used to go to his parents on boxing day before they passed away it was a nightmare they couldnt get to grips with the fact im veggie and would serve up my dinner with beef etc on plate boak>

we did it last year, just for a change
it was quite nice and relaxing, y'know
is that so wrong?

I do agree, we go to in-laws for Christmas day and stay for 2-3 days, BIL and SIL are there too, friends and family drop in as and when and 4 big dogs. It is a riot and amazing fun, everyone chips in helping with lunch whilst the DCs play with their new toys. I love love love it, after a childhood of just parents and 1 sister at Christmas where every year was bloody miserable as my Mum hates it, I love the warm and cosy madness of a minimum of 6 adults, 4 DCs and 4 dogs.

Oh - forgot to add - before they sadly passed away neither of DH's grandparents could manage our steep stairs so they brought their own bucket for toilet duties - I kid you not

THAT would have been fun

I agree with the OP. The more the merrier definitely. The best christmases I remember as a child were those with all the extended family - grandparents from both sides and cousins grandparents etc etc such such fun (though maybe not so much fun for whoever gets to host!).

Well it's us 4 for Christmas Day as usual- my parents both dead, hate the inlaws so will be visiting for 2 hours on Boxing Day (driving 2 hours there and 2 hours back). We go to friends for drinks Christmas Day then home to anything but a Christmas dinner.
Don't like Christmas- can't bear the hype and hysteria.
Only buy presents for dh and the children- no M & S crap 3 for 2 for me.
I won't be dreading my credit card bill in January.

OP - please don't let your heart break over me and my family!

Just because whay YOU like to do doesn't match with what others want to do doesn't make the others wrong and certainly not mad!!! How rude!

Christmas Day is the one day that me, Dha nd DD spend on our own, with no one else. We don't have to mess about driving between parents, or taking it in turns to see one family one year and the other the next. DD doesn't get taken away from her new stuff. We stay in PJs for as long as we like. We have champagne with breakfast. We take over half the day opening and sharing presents. We laugh, we play, we veg out, we eat lots, DH and I enjoy a drink or two, we snuggle and watch films, we sometimes go for a walk, etc.

We always go and see my parents, my PILs and and DH's grandad on Cjristmas Eve. We share a Christmas drink or two, we have fun and we have a lovely time.

On Boxing Day my parents and my PILs, and usually my brother, my sister and her boyfriend, and sometimes my BIL/SIL and their DD, come to our house. I lay on some yummy fun and we have a great time.

We spend much of the following week with family and friends either at theirs or ours.

So for us we spend hristmas Day just the three of us, and we spend the remaining of the Christmas period with our loved ones.

I am not mad. I just chose to do things different to you!

Christmas day for 3 please! Lovely.

I have a Christmas day at home approximately once a decade, I think I?m due again in 2014!

My Mum hates anything to do with cooking but gets offended if you offer to take over, neither of my parents drink (they positively disapprove of drunkenness) and my father things that I am generally far to raucous and feministic?.sounds like great fun for Christmas day!! You are right I must be mad to want to miss that!

BTW I love them very much and have nice normal relationship, we just have a very honest understanding that we do things very very differently from one another?..including Christmas!

I can honestly say that DD doesn't get bored during our Christmas Day on our own. Why would she???? How strange.

TBH you only have to read MN threads leading up to, during and after Christmas to see why some people might choose a "just us" Christmas Day.

As it happens both me and DH get on fab with ALL our family, both sets of parents, and siblings,etc. And they all get on with one another. So our mad (!!!) choice has nothing to do with dodgy family relationships either.

We spend xmas eve with nearby family but xmas day is ours! The kids love playing with their new stuff, we have certain 'traditions' throughout the day and it's immense fun. So much of our time throughout the year is spent being busy that xmas day is special to us. On boxing day we go to the in-laws or the ghosts of xmas past as I like to call them

YABU, each to their own and all that.

I mostly have christmas at my house, mum, ILs,dh, kids etc but this year we are going to have a quiet one. Though i love having family over it can get quite stressful with the catering and in general, my mum does not get on with MIL and vice versa so can get quite strained, mum usually starts moaning at the amount of cooking and buggers off to lie down leaving me with everthing to do. So i am happy that this year will just be the 3 of us, dh,me and dd.

My mum will be coming over though after christmas in time for a new years bash at my SILs where there will be lots of family there so she is not going to be on her own for the duration of the festives.