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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want to be defined by my marital status or surname?

811 replies

tealight · 19/10/2009 23:05

To be not at all surprised that women still strive to achieve equality when some/many/most (???)women in marriage take on men?s surnames and (in marriage or not) agree to their children taking the man?s surname? That is the way it used to be when women and children were literally, in the eyes of the law, men?s property. That is the basis o the tradition for fathers to give their daughters away. And why should my marital status be used to define me every time I fill out my personal details? Miss, Mrs, Ms? Men just have Mr. Yet many of us still subscribe to this. Why why why?????

OP posts:
ermintrude13 · 30/10/2009 10:56

You'd be using your 'superior' breasts. . I can think of several couples where the woman would build by far the best shelter too. And what have desert islands got to do with any of it anyway?

BrokkenHarted · 30/10/2009 10:58

lol at the contradiction thing. I have said this many times.

I said i appreciate what we naturally are. I will be the main earner because in our society it would be impossible for him to be for various reasons. I like our natural roles have no problem with doing different roles, espesh because it no longer makes a differnce. I dont understand the contradiction? I think about who we naturally are and appreciate it.

BrokkenHarted · 30/10/2009 11:01

'You'd be using your 'superior' breasts. . I can think of several couples where the woman would build by far the best shelter too. And what have desert islands got to do with any of it anyway?'

My husband sees me as his equal. I never said he didn't. I'm sure there are many women that would build a bettter shelter but for the majority that wouldnt be the case. The desert island would take away our society and our technology and force you to use what you have.

scottishmummy · 30/10/2009 11:03

so you don't work BH?is your dh hunter/gatherer.how are you planning to catapult yourself into the main wage earner role in a few years?

your posts are contradictory
we are equal.
he is the head of household
i am more clever
i tell him what to do

scottishmummy · 30/10/2009 11:09

BH you dont live on desert island.you have broadband,pc,fridge,telly.so desert island analogies are pointless

regardless of whether being on desert island or not,very quickly social stratification and hierarchy would arise as other inhabitants arrive.and inevitability you would need to trade/barter.some would have more than others

it wouldn't be an idyllic commune

hey and maybe some of the island dwellers wouldn't want to call the man the head of the home.maybe they'd poke such archaic terms in the eye with a spear

BrokkenHarted · 30/10/2009 11:20

I should leave this post for good this time. i am not great at saying what i mean and dont know how else to express what i am trying to say. I have a slightly different opinions to you and am more than happy with my life, and you are the same with yours. i am aware my opinion is a very unpopular one and have no issue with that. this is right for me but not right for you and thats great. Maybe one day i will change how i feel about it. i really doubt it but i am not close minded. thank you for the discussion, it was very interestting and really sorry to the people i got hot headed and rude with. x

cory · 30/10/2009 15:36

BrokkenHarted Fri 30-Oct-09 10:53:39
"Again now, but say you were stuck in a dessert island and had a baby, you would look after the baby because you are the baby's natural bottle and s/he would need you for that for a while, your husband would need to use his supior strength to build shelter, hunt for food etc etc. That is all I am talking about."

Have you ever heard of a hunter gatherer society where the women are able to just sit around being a baby's food bottle, while the man brings home food? It doesn't work like that. In fact, in h/g societies there tends to be far less of a hierarchy between men and women, but where there is division of labour, the women tend to do the fishing and gathering= provide main element of diet, while men do the hunting= provide luxury items and additional protein. Women carry their babies around with them while doing this work.

So depending on the natural resources of your island, you might still find yourself the main food provider.

THis is a perfectly natural way of living that the human race has been practising for millions of years. The idea of a woman who only sits at home and contributes nothing to the economy is mainly a Victorian one, and even then confined to the upper classes; it only became a feasible model for most women after the Second World War.

btw if we ended up on a desert island, I'd expect to be in charge of the fishing and hunting, because dh knowns nows about those things; I could at least fashion some kind of fishhook.

piscesmoon · 30/10/2009 17:04

I love the way some threads go! I have a picture of couples on the desert island with baby both trying to prove they can build the best shelter! -not that I think it would prove anything.

nooka · 31/10/2009 06:02

I suspect that most of us (male or female) would do very badly on a desert island, because we wouldn't have the knowledge or the skills to survive. Nothing to do with strength. Survival skills tend to be specific to the environment and passed down through the generations. Mental strength is also often the key factor in castaway type situations.

seeker · 31/10/2009 06:11

I am still struggling with this concept of the "Head of the Household." To me, the phrases means someone who makes the main decisions, or is, at least, the final arbiter in decision making. If that's what it is, what is it?

NeedaNewName · 04/11/2009 00:28

Seems to have gone a bit off piste for a while but basically I wanted to say - well what pisces has been saying.

Can we now agree we are all right! As long as we are thinking about our names and titles and we are choosing them (not being told what we should be called - by men or women) then all is good.

Those of us who choose to change our names and flaunt our marital status should not need to explain ourselves, just as those of you who choose to keep your name, ditch the title, become Ms, double barrel your name or whatever shoudl also not have to explain yourselves.

There - everyone happy now?!

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