to not like my friend's son urinating in public?

[Isitjustmeor]

A close of friend of mine has a son who will be three in a few months. We often go out all together, usually to the park, to let our children run off some energy.
I know children get caught short (and grown-ups too, in alleyways behind BiteofFun's house) and have accidents, but I feel really awkward when my friend's son just pulls his trousers and pants down and urinates wherever he is. My friend doesn't say anything about it.
When it happened last week, a family who were also playing in the part looked horrified and hurried their children away and left.
Should I say something?

Cat no offense but most French find the British offensive. We tend to wait a bit later until they are able to undersand or have some concept. I tried to put my dd in knickers in the summer and potty train (she was 2.4 years) she did not have any grasp, i kept on for 2 weeks but no progress, not telling me she had done we or poo, not even pointing just kepts doing it like a baby in her pants. When I pointed out that she had done a poo or wee she looked at me as if i was mad. Then her speech was not very good now she is older and started nursery her speech has improved immensly so i have put her back in knickers and i am seeing some progresss. What can you do if they are not ready, you cant force them!

I think some people don't realise just how common peeing issues are at ages way past 3. Could also be tied in with medical things like autistic spectrum disorders which are not always obvious to playground observers at all. I say if someone's not pissing on your shoes, cut them some slack, you don't know what's going on.

And getting snotty looks and comments can really be the last straw in a mum's exhausting day battling with other behaviours.

no totally i would never ever give any parent disaproving stares, yes there are times when kids are caught short just do it discreetly of course. I would give a disaproving stare if i saw and older child/teen/adult peeing in the middle of the pavement or in the park without being discreet.

LOL actually I would assume that older person had special needs!

Well i ll tell you a funny story. We were out with an Autistic chap in the community. He is renowned for going to the loo(not just to go to the look, but to fill the sink with water and flood and to have a rummage up the dirt track) . This chap is about 6ft so tall and also very big. We had just taken him to the loo and was walking up the high stree, suddenly he said toilet toilet please meaning he needed to go to the loo, proceeded to pull down his trousers and wee in the middle of the highstreet willy hanging out for all to see , we tried to shield he but it was just no use. He did the same thing again on another day.

I have no problem with small boys weeing in public places, provided they do it somewhere discreet. My DS1 is now 4.6 and I'm encouraging him to hold on 'til we get home on the school run, making sure he hides a bit in the park (although to be fair I think there are certain trees in our park that are going to die from Urine Poisoning soon - everyone does it!) And if he is caught short ages away from the nearest loo, to use a drain rather than just the gutter. I reckon that now he's been accident-free for a year, he can jolly well hold on.

My 2 get caught short every now and again, but i hate having to let them wee in public- despite being as discreet as possible.

I would never allow them to just take down their pants and wee anywhere- that doesn't say much for how he is at home with weeing- if they use the toilet/potty at home fine then why not ask when out?

Hi Pigletmania,
I'm not offended just pointing out that what some people find offensive, others are not at all bothered, sometimes it's opinions but sometimes it's culture.
As for babies and nappies, I had 2 completely different experiences - DD, we just whipped her nappy off at 18 months and never looked back - setting me up for a very stressful time with DS who only just managed it in time for school this September, at 2yrs 8months, so I do know how hard it can be (especially as a working mum).
However, I find it difficult to reconcile the fact that British babies are not 'ready' to be potty trained but French babies, somehow manage it! Lets face it, they're all built the same but have different attitudes!
Anyway - the OP is justified in asking the other mum to teach her child how to be discreet, as after all, it's just good manners!

That's how many wee threads this week?

Calling BS on this thread

Well cat the French might be a lot tougher, I come from a Mediterranean background and i know that they are quite harsh and give them a little smack on the legs or bum if they wet there pants which i am against. i have put my dd back in traning pants (not nappies or pull ups) and this time she has to learn, she has much better understanding. It all depends on the child and the culture yes. Some children are ready before others and any thing you do to potty train just will not work. At the end of the day they are not going to go to school in nappies or wear nappies as children, i think that we are quite relaxed here in the UK, sometimes too relaxed, i read in the papers a few months ago of 4 years olds going to school in nappies

Cat I know someone's DD who goes to something called Haute Garderie and is not potty trained at 3.

What happens if a child has a disability .... they don't go to school? Incontinence itself is considered a disability so I wouldn't have thought they could legally stop a child from attending school in nappies? Surely school is compulsory once they get to a certain age so would have to still go even if they were still in nappies?

I didn't smack mine for wet pants, (although I believe in appropriate smacks for naughtiness), but I sure did get frustrated at DS and stopped and started more than once.
I think the cost of nappies here possibly plays a part as well- they are super expensive. My personal opinion is that the UK is possibly just a bit too relaxed about it, along with other stuff like swearing and general courtesy - which is why I would never live in the UK - but that's another thread altogether.
Nappyaddict, the Halte Garderie is like a nursery, where you can drop your child off a couple of times a week, just booking the odd session now and again (they are super cheap, like all childcare here) and they take children from 12 weeks so there is no requirement to be potty trained.
I'm not sure about disabilities - I guess if they are incontinent it would be classed as a disability, as children are just expected to be clean at 3years old, full stop and so they are!
School is not actually compulsory until the age of 6, though most children start at 3 and all by the time they are 4. My DD started at 2y 6m and my DS at 2yr 9m. and they love it.

I mentioned the Halte Garderie as they can go there up to 6 years though can't they, so they aren't denied access to all nursery school type settings. If they are incontinent then they wouldn't be clean by 3 and so surely it would be discriminatory to not allow them to go to Maternelle on the basis of this. I reckon if someone challenged them over it I can't see that they could say no without getting into a lot of trouble.

YABU

YABU. I can't see what all the fuss is about.

Yep, halte garderie will take children up to 6, though it is rare to find them, as most children will still be babies. Halte garderie though is only available on an ad hoc basis, eg you 'phone up on a Monday morning to see if they will have a place for the following week. It's more for non-working mums to drop their LO's off while they go to the hairdressers or shopping.
Halte garderie and maternelle are 2 completely different things, one is like playgroup and the other is definitely more like school.
There are full time nurseries (garderie) for working mums but at 3 years old they automatically go to school.
It's just different!

But they couldn't automatically go to school at 3 if they weren't potty trained? The girl I was talking about does 3 half days every week and her mum says it's like kindergarten which i suppose would be like playgroup?

Have just asked a colleague about handicapped children and she says it is the same as the UK, some special schools but mainly integrated into main schools. Apparently the downside is that they have to stay at their educational level (it is common for all children to do a year twice if they are not capable of keeping up in the next class) therefore you have the sad sight of an 11 yr old in the same class as 25 6yr olds
So, yes, if they were classed as disabled, they could go to school in nappies. But, that then starts a whole new thread!!!

Can you find out if they count incontinence alone as a disability though? No other SN, just that they are incontinent?

In this country they have decided that schools cannot refuse entry to children in nappies because it could be that they have undiagnosed SN or incontinence which is adding to the fact that potty training has been delayed? If someone used that argument in France would it hold up?

Ohh, that's a hard one, will try but may take a while - I am supposed to be working

I would guess that until the child is 6, when school is compulsory, they would not accept the child in to school. For entry into Maternelle, your child has to be sufficiently 'mature' enough to cope with school, so I guess they could use that as a get out clause. Please note, this is purely a guess, I will have to look a lot deeper to find out. Logic tells me that you would have to find a doctor to give you a certificate, stating that fact, then the long slog around the bureacracy would begin.

Not fair but unfortunately over here, lots of things aren't fair. It really is incredible that we are so close to the French geographically but in terms of culture, it could be the other side of the world.