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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not like my friend's son urinating in public?

121 replies

Isitjustmeor · 19/10/2009 19:47

A close of friend of mine has a son who will be three in a few months. We often go out all together, usually to the park, to let our children run off some energy.
I know children get caught short (and grown-ups too, in alleyways behind BiteofFun's house) and have accidents, but I feel really awkward when my friend's son just pulls his trousers and pants down and urinates wherever he is. My friend doesn't say anything about it.
When it happened last week, a family who were also playing in the part looked horrified and hurried their children away and left.
Should I say something?

OP posts:
facebookaddict · 20/10/2009 09:27

Maybe he was... it takes quite a lot of practice to get the trousers and pants down in one motion and aim so you don't get your soaks wet.

Pigletmania - pretty sure you said in earlier thread that you had a DD not yet trained. Perhaps best to wait until you go through it before you make judgements about friends who are trying their best with toddlers....

Fruitgums · 20/10/2009 09:55

I am from overseas (middle East to be exact) and it is DEFINITELY not acceptable to wee in public.

I just can't believe the racial overtones in that some people are posting on here!

Sassybeast · 20/10/2009 10:00

Better do the urine is not sterile stuff here too cos the other thread might be deleted

Urine is only sterile whilst it is in an infection free bladder. Once it is in contact with the urethra and genitals, it ceases to be sterile and becomes contaminated by bacteria, other micro organisms and pus cells. Stale urine STINKS and it stinks because all of the crap in it festers and deteriorates.

corblimeymadam · 20/10/2009 10:01

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christiana · 20/10/2009 10:03

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pigletmania · 20/10/2009 10:09

Facebook arent i allowed to have an opinion then! I am not saying that no toddler weeing in public is allowed just do it discreetly, not in the middle of the sandpit or playground or path if poss thats all, yes i understand that los need to go quickly and there is nothing wrong with dcs doing that when they are small and tt training, but teaching them to pull down their pants on the middle of the pavement or footpath is not good imo. My friends son did not even say he needed to go, she would just pull down his pants in the middle of the pavement and encourage him to go there he did not know any better.

pigletmania · 20/10/2009 10:11

Yes i am sure that there will be times ahead whereby my dd will tell me in the middle of a crowded shopping centre that she needs to go now or out walking and i will have to deal with it when the time comes.

corblimeymadam · 20/10/2009 10:11

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ProfessorLaytonIsMyZombieSlave · 20/10/2009 10:23

Once DS realised that he could wee behind a tree/bush in an emergency he did go through a phase of attempting to get away with weeing on trees/bushes in non-emergencies when there was a perfectly good toilet a few feet away (including in the garden at nursery... oh, the shame , although fortunately there was a little group of them doing it), and that did need to be dealt with quite firmly.

Fruitgums · 20/10/2009 10:24

Quite Belgianbun. Thought that I was the only one who found some of the posts unacceptable.

Your neighbour doesn't sound nice at all.

Fruitgums · 20/10/2009 10:27

Also, my DS is not toilet trained yet. However, when the time comes I would imagine that I would be resorting to him peeing behind a tree/bushes rather then wetting himself.

IMO making no effort to get out of the footpath/sandpit etc is just revolting and bad manners!

midnightexpress · 20/10/2009 10:27

I agree that a bit of discretion should be encouraged, and that just peeing all over a plyground isn't on, but to anyone who thinks that they should find a toilet, I'll lend you my 3 y-o and 2 y-o, and their bikes, for the day and see how you get on manhandling them all to the nearest public toilet.

DawnAS · 20/10/2009 10:32

Hmmm... My DD is only 19 weeks old so I've got a little way to go...

But, my personal view is that if your DS needs to go, they need to go, but absolutely find somewhere discreet to do it, maybe behind a tree/bush etc. Also the parent standing as a barrier to passers-by will help.

I have to say though that I would be more worried about other things in relation to peeing in public.

Firstly, I would think about other children watching who were maybe slightly older and would see your little DS doing it and may take a step backwards to thinking that they can do it aswell. Obviously this can be rectified by the parents explaining that the other LO is much younger and isn't able to control it as well as they can blah blah blah...

But the other thing about peeing in public will sound quite cynical, but I would wonder who was watching? After watching that programme on Paedophiles hanging around playgrounds, I think I would be quite uneasy, albeit maybe unnecessarily, about who is watching my child.

But since I haven't got to that stage yet, I would imagine that maybe that is the last thing that you're thinking about when you've got a child screaming to go the toilet!!

Morloth · 20/10/2009 10:32

I don't get the argument that no-one minds dogs pee-ing and crapping all over the place. I do!

Bushes people, off to the side where people are not playing, walking, having a picnic, digging in the sandpit, rolling on the grass etc.

Isn't this absolutely basic manners? That you don't excrete where you play and eat?

Salemchocolates · 20/10/2009 10:48

I've only scanned the thread, but IMO what the OP tries to say is that she doesn't mind little boys weeing behind a tree, in a corner, etc... in an emergency, but that it's not acceptable to just drop your trousers and wee, no matter how young. I think she felt that her friend should have guided her little boy away from the middle of the park and to somewhere more discreet. As a mum of a ds that's definitely something I'd have done. I taught him that the toilet is preferable, but in an emergency he could go behind a tree/bush/wall or whatever else was at hand. My dd is much better at holding it in though. Maybe because from very early on she learnt that she really does need to hang on for the toilet as open air weeing is much more difficult for a little girl.

BucketsOfBlood · 20/10/2009 10:58

Have no problem with kids weeing where other people tend not to play eg gutters and drains, bushes etc. I have no problem with them doing it in public view, they will pick up those social concerns as they go along, no need to spoil the success of keeping your pants dry another few hours.

My DS1(4) scandalised a teaching assistant in his first month at school by weeing in a drain at playtime! Nobody had told him he had to go inside and it's still a big high five in our house not weeing in your pants. He knows now but we still have to stop to wee by the side of the road on the way to school sometimes.

LilianGish · 20/10/2009 11:10

Trees, bushes, drains etc no problem. In the middle of the playground, sandpit - anywhere children are playing - disgusting. What's the point in banning dogs from children's play areas if children are allowed to foul them. Surely it is a matter of common sense.

independiente · 20/10/2009 12:04

Another vote for guiding to a dicreet area for al fresco weeing. But cannot understand anyone who objects to zero weeing outside loos for little ones just learning. Are you crazy?

independiente · 20/10/2009 12:04

Oops, meant discreet!

Cat2408 · 20/10/2009 12:37

I live in France and men often pee al-fresco which I don't really appreciate but it's not considered that big a deal over here.

Just to compare, at my LO's school - they start at the age of 2 and a half, and the toilets are all in one room, half a dozen little loos and 3 mini urinals. So from the start, peeing is not something done in private, these toilets are for the children between 2 and 6 years old.

Different opinions abound - what French people find offensive is that British children are often not potty trained till they are 2and a half years to 3 years old; years old. Over here, that is considered really dreadful and they are simply not allowed to start school until they are potty trained.

Personally, I would always try and be discreet but at the age of nearly 3, the child should be taught to pee in a corner if caught short.

2ndattempt · 20/10/2009 12:44

i was recently sat in a service station on the M6 having some lunch, i was sat next to the window overlooking the entrance to the services and the car park. my attention was then drawn to a woman with a child firstly because i couldn't work out what they were doing. I then realised that she was holding him in the air so that he could pee on the grass. Sure chidren get caught short but in this situation there were two parents with him and they were two seconds from the toilets. I found this really odd but maybe thats just me being odd, who knows?

Oblomov · 20/10/2009 12:55

Shocked at Sassybeasts comment.
Does she have children ?
Surely noone with children would make such a silly comment.
Ds is nearly 6 and we wants to pee, whilst out, all the time. Drives me nuts.
Leaving home, check, do you need the toilet ?no.
Get to park - needs to go.
Coming home from school, check, do you need to go no. Riding bike through park = needs to go.
Drives me nuts. But we do of course try and be as discreet as possible - behind trees / bushes etc.
And we have talked about this with daddy. But then he says " I didn't need to go at school. And Then I just did need to go".
And I am a bit dumbfounded as to how to argue against that.

So Sassybeast, would you like to revise your ridiculous comment ?

BucketsOfBlood · 20/10/2009 13:02

And sometimes it's just fun to pee somewhere unusual! I do think some of this is just sour grapes because willies do seem to have more freedom.

persephoneplum · 20/10/2009 13:22

This doesn't bother me as long as the kid does it where people don't play or walk through. I let my boy do it on trees and try to make sure he's at least a bit discreet and out of the way.

Well said cktwo!

bubblejet · 20/10/2009 13:47

General consensus seems to be ok to pee discreetly when out, not acceptable in the middle of a sandpit.
For those who have been saying peeing anywhere other than toilet us unacceptable it really saddens me.
I have potty trained boy and girl. My ds is 6, not dry at night and needs to pee regularly. We are having ongoing support from paeds clinic with this but he has to pee behind bushes or we wouldn't even make it home from school (we walk). I often get disapproving looks from other mums which really me as the last thing I want is him to get a complex about it. We are as discreet as we can be!
My dd is 3, was dry day and night from 2 and has a bladder of steel.
So OP YANBU to expect your friend to try and get her son to somewhere slightly more discreet/away from play area
Other posters who think peeing anywhere other than toilet is unacceptable YABU - please think twice before sending disapproving looks, you really don't know everyone's circumstances. And yes we have been in that position on motorway where having made it to services we really don't have time to get in to toilets, he's that desperate...But again we are discreet and hopefully not in sight of anyone eating lunch!