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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think parents with obese children should be.....

55 replies

seaglass · 17/10/2009 22:13

....taught how to feed them sensibly?

I've just watched Britains Biggest Babies, and I was completely shocked and stunned to see that the couple of babies shown (aged 1 and 3) were huge, but were being fed completely the wrong things - 3 yr old boy weighed 5 stone, finished a swimming session and then had a huge plate of chip things and a slush puppy (those are the things I remember - there was more).
The 1 yr old girl could eat a full bag of chip shop chips!(my 8yr old DS can't eat a full bag of chips)
Please don't flame me on this one, I am overweight, possibly on the obese side, but because of this, I am very careful about what my DC's eat. Do these obese mothers (nothing against fathers, but it was only the mothers focused)not stop and think - hang on, if I keep doing this, my DC is going to be teased/bullied at school from the word go, and probably throughout life (and I'm talking from experience here, not just spouting nonsense) Do they not realise the health problems they are setting their children up for? Just for the sake of saying "no more" a bit more often, and feeding them something healthier, with smaller portions?
I know some children genuinely have medical problems, so really struggle with obesity, but the ones featured on this show made me feel so sorry for them - even to the extent to thinking that this was some sort of child abuse.
I'm not being smug and self righteous (or at least, I'm not setting out to be) I'm just shocked that these mothers can't see what they're allowing their children to become, and it's put a bee in my bonnet!
AIBU?

OP posts:
ScaryFucker · 17/10/2009 22:14

yanbu

Fruitbatlings · 17/10/2009 22:16

ya D nbu!

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 17/10/2009 22:17

No, YANBU.

I once watched a documentary program where a mother was allowing her 5 month old baby to bite mouthfuls off her cheeseburger!!

Niecie · 17/10/2009 22:19

YANBU to think they should be taught to feed their children correctly, BUT that presupposes that they don't know what they are doing now. If that is the case then accusing them of child abuse is going to far.

Original poster
seaglass · 17/10/2009 22:19

My sil weaned her DC at 4 months on blended McDonalds but he's a skinny little bean now!

OP posts:
Heated · 17/10/2009 22:21

It might be down to being shown how to cook and about portion sizes but imo it's also about being able to say 'no' to a child and not equating the amount of food you give a child with the amount of love you have for them.

Friend of ds is obese at 5 and her parents don't have the heart to make her exercise, which she hates, or deprive her of food she likes. Both the parents are averagedly sized but their dd has huge legs and stomach, she walks from side to side rather than stride out

busybutterfly · 17/10/2009 22:21

Gordon Bennett. Who the hell gives a 1 year old chip shop chips?!

I am going to say yabu (but whispering) re the teaching them because I don't think people should be taught how to feed kids - tbh, there is absolutely no excuse for giving ones kids that kind of crap. Imo, it's parents who can't say no. More fool them.

ConnieComplaint · 17/10/2009 22:21

YANBU - but I have a 7-year-old dd who is overweight & I can honestly, hand on heart tell you that she mose definitely doesn't get junk food to eat.

She gets sweets once a week, same as her 5-year-old brother (who is underweight but they both eat the same things!).

I do find dh giving her an extra spud or another shake of the cereal box - but this is the way he was brought up... good food never did anyone any harm.

The school sent & dd to a dietician 2 yrs ago - I was treated like a leper and made sit at one side of the room whilst the dietician asked dd what she had for breakfast, lunch, dinner etc... how many times a week she had chips, what kind of bread I fed her etc.... dd answered honestly & easily. I was told to keep doing what I was doing and come back in 6 months time - I did, dd hadn't gained any weight.

It seems to me that she has got heaviner since going back to school in September and it's the time of year for school nurses again - so I'm dreading the bloody letter.

She eats healthily, as do we all as a family, but she is prone to gaining weight & she's getting to the age where she notices it herself...

misdee · 17/10/2009 22:31

YANBU

howevr i remember that show. my dd2 at the age of 1 weighed well over 30lb. she was massive (i think she was the same weight as the one yr old on the show?). however dd2 didnt, and still doesnt, eat crap. but as abbay and toddler she was sooooo chubby. by the age of 4, it all melted away, and she is just a tall skinny girl now. i can see her ribs, her stomache is flat and rock solid. her arms and legs are just so long and slim. she is still right at the top of the charts (she was off the charts between 6months till 2yrs) for her height and weight, but seems to have grown upwards. if that makes any sense at all.

she looks nothing like her baby pics.

dd2 at 18months old iirc, that outfit was age 4. dd1 had similar one at the same time and i think the dresses were a twin pack.

dd2 at 7yrs old, the one NOT holding dd4 that is dd1 next to her who is 9yrs old.

busybutterfly · 17/10/2009 22:32

Connie tell your DH to stop with the extra portions.

busybutterfly · 17/10/2009 22:33

Misdee Cute kids!!

Original poster
seaglass · 17/10/2009 22:36

Misdee - gorgeous photo of the three of them

OP posts:
Georgimama · 17/10/2009 22:36

misdee I think lots of children are chunky toddlers. My brother weighed more at one year (30lbs) than my 2.5 year old son does now, but he is now a six foot five 12 stone beanpole. However, if a child is overweight at five or six, that is a clear indication all is not well.

misdee · 17/10/2009 22:38

i know georgia

but the 1yr old in the programme, was eating the wrong thingsm, but compared to dd2 who wasnt eating the wrong things, she wasnt that big iyswim. i recall thinking at the time, 'but thats what dd2 weighs'

i was made to feel like an awful mother, and the HV told me to put dd2 on a diet i was not impressed.

chegirlknowswhereyoulive · 17/10/2009 22:39

Some of the mothers on this programme didnt seem to think they had any control over their very young children's weight. I got the feeling they felt the same about their own size, like it was somehow nothing to do with anything they did. I just happened to them.
One of them just kept repeating 'its hard for a mum to say no'. It was her mantra of delusion. Like she thought everyone spent 50 quid on Thomas Tank food for their 2 year old.
I have never had issues with my weight. I do not like seeing obese children and think its sad to see so many young women so overweight.

BUT if losing weight was so easy and simple surely we wouldnt have so many obese people? I know it seems simple but so many thousands struggle with it so there has to be more to it than just eat less and exercise more.

I know that is the truth but why can so many not do it? They cannot all be lazy, stupid, greedy or whatever.

Original poster
seaglass · 17/10/2009 22:49

Chegirl - that's exactly what I was trying to say!

In my experience of losing weight, it is definateley a matter of less food and more exercise - it's just a nasty, nasty habit to break, which is why I'm so careful with my children so they hopefully don't get into the habit! It's not that I stop them having biscuits etc, but they will have one biscuit, not the whole pack (like I did at their age )
But that's what I mean about the mothers being taught - they need to understand that their DC's futures are in their hands, and if they can't do it for themselves, at least do it for their children, so they don't have to go through the bullying hell that I'm sure a lot of obese people have been/are going through.

OP posts:
hatesponge · 17/10/2009 22:57

I didnt see the programme. However YABU & actually quite ignorant to assume that ALL parents with overweight (I try to avoid using the word obsese which is bandied around excessively atm) DC dont know how to feed them sensibly/correctly.

I have 2 DSs.

One loves sweets and chocolate, is incredibly lazy and never does anything active if he can avoid it.

The other eats well, plays football 4 times a week, and is generally active.

One of them is overweight - and it may surprise you it's the second one. His brother who eats a similar diet (but gets extras that I dont give his brother) is actually underweight.

It's not as simple as heavy child = bad food. Or vice versa.

chegirlknowswhereyoulive · 17/10/2009 22:59

The children on this programme were so young the only way they could get the food was for their mothers to give it to them.

There was a lot of talk of 'oh but she loves chips', 'but how can you say no' etc.

I think that is the major problem. Knowledge of food is so much better now, its hard to understand how parents dont know how to prevent obesity. Saying no or 'denying' children 'treats' seems to be the bigger issue maybe?

chegirlknowswhereyoulive · 17/10/2009 23:02

hatesponge to be fair on the OP you would need to see the programme to get the picture.

The parents involved were all very overweight and were feeding their children the most appalling diets.

But I agree it is not always the case.

My son suddenly put on a lot of weight during his early teens. It was a bit of a shock TBH and it worried me (and him). It was hard to balance getting him to eat well without panicking him into a eating disorder or bad body image.

As he grew taller he became his old wiry self.

hatesponge · 17/10/2009 23:09

chegirl - I admit I'm a bit oversensitive about this, I just get annoyed because I know people in RL assume I feed DS1 all kinds of shit because he's the size he is & that therefore I'm a crap parent

Original poster
seaglass · 17/10/2009 23:12

hatesponge - this AIBU was aimed at the sort of parents who, like the ones in the program, do feed their children rubbish.
It's not in any way aimed at normal chubbier children who in all probability will grow out of it.

These were mothers stuffing their children with all the junk they could ask for - this is what I was objecting to.
In life, everyone is made differently, big or small, fat or thin, but to actively cause obesity, as these particular mothers were doing, is what I'm objecting to.
Sorry if I offended you, I obviously wasn't as clear as I thought in the OP.

OP posts:
chegirlknowswhereyoulive · 17/10/2009 23:15

Yeah I can understand that sponge. People will judge.

Dunno if it helps (probably not) but it is often assumed that I am obsessed with dieting and vain because I have always been on the thin side.

When my DD was very ill I was accused of making her anorexic by family members. They assumed I nagged her about putting on weight. She actually had cancer.

I have never been on a diet in my life and refused to have scales in the house. Ironically once DD became ill I had to buy some to monitor her weight.

This society is obsessed with weight and dress size.

beaniesinthebucketagain · 17/10/2009 23:21

YANBU

OP i am a larger lady and im like a syco over what the children eat, i want them to have it easier so im instilling good habits now, Ds 26mnths has had one MacDonalds and i intend to keep it that way, may i add i didnt feed him it!
DS was such a chunky monkey and now hes a string bean so i know its not diet, some children are larger for longer but a good diet continuing will help them back to normal (for want of a better word)
DD has had the odd chip daddy again lol! But there main meals are never and will never be junk!

There's so many larger mums who do feed there kids crap (anyone see the mum purposefully making her toddler dd obese) but there's many of us trying to break the circle!

PixiNanny · 17/10/2009 23:41

I think we need to focus on all vulnerable parents rather than just obese ones. As people have said in similar threads before, it's only the larger mothers who get this stick really, when you do see skinny mothers in maccy d's on a regular basis too. Vulnerable parents should be able to go on a course or something to help them understand about dietry needs of a child. I think there is no need at all for children to be obese, or even overweight in some cases, it's just poor judgement and understanding on the parents behalf more often than not

Though saying that, I don't think the technologies of today are helping much for the recent obesity epidemic (more in older children of course)

teamcullen · 17/10/2009 23:45

I definatly think more needs to be done to educate people about food, what food belongs to each food group, and how to make up a balanced diet. I think children in schools should be taught this and also how to shop, how to make meal plans as well as how to cook main meals, snacks and light lunches.

DS2 was a big baby and what Id call a foodie, as he loved his food. I think if Id had let him, he would have easily become overweight at a very young age. Although he is tall he is not fat. He is allowed treats, but knows they are treats.

DS1 has always been small and skinny and his appitite is not as big as DS2, but I will say to him just as much that he has had enough and not to be gready.

I wouldnt say we have the best diet in the world, far from it, but I try to educate my kids to know what foods are needed for a healthy diet and what are treats and what are just plain shite.