to think parents with obese children should be.....

[seaglass]

....taught how to feed them sensibly?

I've just watched Britains Biggest Babies, and I was completely shocked and stunned to see that the couple of babies shown (aged 1 and 3) were huge, but were being fed completely the wrong things - 3 yr old boy weighed 5 stone, finished a swimming session and then had a huge plate of chip things and a slush puppy (those are the things I remember - there was more).
The 1 yr old girl could eat a full bag of chip shop chips!(my 8yr old DS can't eat a full bag of chips)
Please don't flame me on this one, I am overweight, possibly on the obese side, but because of this, I am very careful about what my DC's eat. Do these obese mothers (nothing against fathers, but it was only the mothers focused)not stop and think - hang on, if I keep doing this, my DC is going to be teased/bullied at school from the word go, and probably throughout life (and I'm talking from experience here, not just spouting nonsense) Do they not realise the health problems they are setting their children up for? Just for the sake of saying "no more" a bit more often, and feeding them something healthier, with smaller portions?
I know some children genuinely have medical problems, so really struggle with obesity, but the ones featured on this show made me feel so sorry for them - even to the extent to thinking that this was some sort of child abuse.
I'm not being smug and self righteous (or at least, I'm not setting out to be) I'm just shocked that these mothers can't see what they're allowing their children to become, and it's put a bee in my bonnet!
AIBU?

I am 'large' and DH is lean.

I wasn't always. I was a skinny child and slimwhen I met DH. (size 14 which is slim for me at 5'11'' with a large frame)

DS1 & 3 are mini versions of DH.

DS2 is like me in looks and is generally chunkier than the others. I feed them all the same, except DS3 of course as he is only 10months, but am worried DS2 is going to become a bit too chubby by the time he starts school.

They eat good food though, maybe a few too many sweets if I am honest. Lots of veg, lean meats, they LOVE all fruit and enjoy trying new ones.

teamcullen I have to disagree with you - there are loads of places to find out food groups, what you should be feeding your kids etc.

You tell your DS "No" when you think he's had enough. (As do I, my DS1 would eat constantly if it was in front of him!)

My point was that some parents don't say that to their kids and they are doing them such a disservice for the future.

A lady at DS's school has a son who is overweight. At the school, they have been teaching the kids that they need to do an hours worth of exercise to keep themselves fit.

Anyhoo, I was talking to her and she was complaining that they don't do the hour worth of exercise at school, so she doesn't have to keep him active during the day.

I suggested that she walk up from school with us in the afternoon, it is just over a two mile walk. So her and her DS walked with us twice up the road - he complains that he doesn't want to do it, so to keep him happy - she promises him a treat.

Yesterday, we walked home together, just before we arrive at the point where we go our separate ways, she takes his hand and leads him into the petrol station. They come out two mins later - he has crisps, sweets, an ice lolly and a big bottle of coke - his treat for walking up the road from school.

She says he will get the same treat if he continues to walk home and get himself fit. I tried to reason with her, telling her that some treats were fine but you can't reward walking - in order to get fit - with sweets and crisps. She says it will make no difference - he is getting all the exercise he needs.

I feel sorry for them both

I didn't see the programme but am at a 1yo eating a full bag of chip shop chips!!
YA def NBU.

My dd's were very big babies. I don't just mean born big (although they were), I mean that they also piled weight on and were huge chunky toddlers (dd3 still is aged 2 and is v chunky still). I did have a gp say to me that my dd2 was likely to be obese when she was only 8wk old I hadn't even began to think about weaning her, no-where near!!!!

I did worry at the time, and I did wonder what others thought. They had very healthy diets though and were just big chunky girls. I'm pretty certain they didn't cross the line to obesity though, although I do reckon dd2 was possibly borderline for a short while.

My older girls have slimmed out beautifully though and I think dd1 (who is now 9) may even be a little underweight at only 4stone and 135cm tall. My dd2 is now perfectly proportioned and not even slightly overweight. I'm now considerably more relaxed about my little heiffer dd3

Misdee - your girls are simply beautiful!!

busybutterfly- what do you disagree with. Yes there are plenty of places to find out about food groups but these mothers who think it is ok to feed their 1yr old on a portion of chips are not likely to go out looking for that information and were most likely not taught through example at home when they were children.

Plonker and Misdee have described how children who are naterally more chubby when babies and toddlers dont have to grow up and be fat children when they are given a good balenced diet.

I agree that some parents give there DCs junk and dont say no for whatever excuse they come up with. I also think it is cruel and verging on child abuse.

But lots of parents really dont have the foggiest clue what a healthy diet is. They think that if they get a fruit bag to eat with a McDonalds it counts as a healthy diet, fruit winders count as one of your 5 a day. They believe that their children were born with black teeth and it wouldnt occur to them that it was because they have given them ribena in a bottle since they were 6 months old

chegirl

My DD is hard to buy for because she has a huge waist. Well she has no waist in fact.

She wore leggings, a skinny black long-sleeved top and a long silver sleeveless cardigan with boots today. Looked gorgeous.

But I can't get jeans to fit her because of the waist.

Mind you it's helped that she isn't seeing her GPs now. The people of the, "has DD eaten lunch? Oh she has just ten minutes ago? A ham and cheese roll and salad you say? So would she like two bacon sandwiches and some crisps and a coke? No, Mummy? Oh you mean thing!"

It does piss me off because while I am desperately trying to NOT give DD issues, quietly cutting down on portions and crap and increasing exercise, when she is with them I have to say, "DD has had her chocolate / ice-cream / biscuit / whatever" for the day and she certainly doesn't need another lunch.

I've spoken to them outlining how I do not want DD to have food issues. I've invoked my own bulimia and anorexia and that it can be hereditary, and why they shouldn't contribute to DD wanting to be slim at all costs. They laugh it off.

Well they did, but DD hasn't been there since term started. And is happy and healthy and fitting into her uniform. But sadly the legacy is there, she is very into the idea of skinniness now and refuses to believe she looks OK when she is perfect with her rounded limbs and long legs.

Appalling that adults we are supposed to trust can do so much damage. They seemed to love my DD, she was the one they actually loved and I was the courier. But they will disturb her if only to disagree and undermine me. Oh, they are monstrous!

YANBU
it's pure ignorance. Firstly of how important good nutrition is, secondly of what good nutrition is, and thirdly of cause and effect between diet/lifestyle/health. Many parents are in wilful ignorance over the last but middle class parents will usually have the knowledge and the means to provide a varied diet to their children - whereas those who are poorer and from poorer backgrounds may have numbers one and two ingrained in them from birth, combined with few resources to buy the 'perceived to be' more expensive healthy stuff.

Yes I could feed my family on very little using value tinned tomatoes, fruit, veg, chickpeas, grains etc but I know how. Try suggesting to a mum who was raised in iceland frozen dinners that she makes a nice chickpea stew with rice! When you can buy a frozen dinner for £1 and 'eat out' at macD's as a family for under a tenner it's no wonder there is a health crisis. Not to mention junk food comes in biiig portions, especially for a child.

I was an overweight child at times. I am naturally greedy and lazy but I was raised vegetarian on the aforementioned chickpea stews and their ilk, and am now an overweight adult on the same diet. It's not always lack of knowledge or food abuse, but in the cases where it is, it's terrible. I have heard mothers who are overweight say that it's genetic to explain why their kids are too. No, you all eat too much and move too little

I didn't see the programme, but I wonder if it is about economics. IMO, it is much more expensive to have a healthy diet than a poor, fat and sugar laden one. Vegetables and decent meat cost a lot more than a packet of burgers and frozen chips.
I see the adverts on the telly for pizzas for a pound, lasange for 35p (exageration I know) and I think that this could be the reason.

I don't see that there is any point in just educating parents on feeding their DCs-the whole family need to eat healthily. A family where the mother gives her DC water but drinks coke herself is going to lose in the end. Very often it is just portion size-the obese person has lost track of what a 'normal' portion should look like.
On holiday in Cornwall we saw lots of fat families on the beach-everyone was overweight and they were all eating too much of the wrong food. We got a takeaway pizza one night and I was shocked to find that most people were having pizza and chips!! I can't see why a pizza place would even do chips-except that they obviously make money from it. It is such a strange combination.

kreecher - it is possible to have a healthy diet on a budget, but it requires knowledge which a lot of people don't have. My mum taught me to cook, but a lot of people's parents don't have that knowledge to pass on.

I think a lot of the "obesity crisis" is down to our attitudes as a society - my dh cannot leave food on his plate. It's like anathema to him! I have to stop him from saying things to ds like, "Just eat this little bit, if you eat this you can have pudding," etc. I've always taught my dc to self-regulate their appetites, fed them on demand as babies and BLWd. Babies are often encouraged to finish bottles and "tricked" into opening their mouths for a spoon during weaning.

I'm not saying by any means that bottle feeding or spoon weaning are responsible for making children obese, but there's definitely a space for teaching parents to bottle feed on demand rather than on schedule. If you can teach a child to self-regulate their appetite then you're halfway to having a healthy child IMO.

I must say though, I'm not mad on this attitude that schools seem to have these days, that all fat and sugar are bad things. Children need fat and sugar in their diets, and not all fat is bad. Nutritional information is very complex and we need to find a way of explaining it to our children that won't confuse them.

I think that people need much more nutritional information-there is nothing between the 2 extremes of fat,salt and sugar laden processed food and the rice cake and carrot stick brigade! Like all things it need a happy medium.

YANBU op.

I used to live next door to a family that were/are exactly like the families on that programme. Single dad raising his son (14 yrs old now) after his mam decided she didn't want him. He is a great dad, very loving, but has no idea on how to feed him. They are both overly obese. The dad feeds the son the same size portions he eats, and they are large portions. Double fish and chips from the chippy, take aways every night, cakes, biscuits, fizzy drinks. The son goes to tae kwon do with my DH and DS1, and the bloke who does the classes has told the dad numerous times that his son needs to lose weight if he wants to keep coming to the classes. Even after this, he still gives the son bars of chocolate and packets of crisps after class but tells him he needs to cut down. The dad eats the same. I do think that if the dad received some sort of help with diet an the right foods him and his son would lose the weight they needed to.

yanbu

children are not born fat,they are made fat with unhealthy food and often lack of exercise

what is sad though, is often, though not always the parent is larger theirselves and is only doing what they know from their own parents

it often comes down to a lack of knowledge how to cook healthy meals and on a budget

people do judge and yes if children were eating in a fast food chain with a skinny mum she wouldnt get the same stares/flack as a over weight mum feedig her children maccy d's

its not fair or right but it life

riven - I agree with every word.

teamcullem I do see the difference between a chubby and healthy baby/toddler and an overweight child - I suppose I can't see quite how stupid a parent would have to be not to know how to feed healthily!

I would feel like a complete failure if any of my DCs were obese. Think a lot of parents are in denial that their children are in any way overweight though

The help is not always so available,i took my son to doctors because i thought he was anaemic and i was concerned about his very poor diet,
i then got a lecture about us parents are responsible for our childrens health....my son has always had serious food issues and was at the time being dx for ASD so i was told to come back IF he had ASD,
since then he has been dx and the doctors who dx him think he has anaemia so he has had a blood test and ive been told he has sensory issues which seriously affect his diet...he was breast fed weaned on healthy food but as soon as it was offered to him as proper food(not mushed up)he rejected food.He only eats chips,waffles,breadsticks dry crackers and things like that he will only eat certain sweets the only fruit he eats is raisins and veg is a little sweetcorn.
I always cook from fresh and its really frustrating as a parent.
Only now we have been refered to a paed and dietician,but if my son wasnt dx with ASD i dont think we would have got any referal because my son is not overweight.

Busybutterfly I know it seems that parents really should know how to feed their children healthily, but some honestly dont.

Whats more people who are on a very low budget may choose to feed a child foods such as a portion of chips because they are cheep and filling.

Another reason people stick to processed food is because they know their child will eat it. They dont have the money to waste on healthy food which is likely to go in the bin and leave their child hungry.

I personally dont have money to waste either, I buy food daily to make meals from scrach, I dont have a cupboard full of crisps and biscuits so the DCs are more likely to snack on cerial or toast when they come home from school. But this is how I was brought up, so I have definatly learnt from experience.

I work with people who were brought up on processed food and the only way they have any idea of what they are eating, is the information given on the box. My manager, who is very slim and also an educated woman, lives on weight watchers frozen meals because she hasnt got a clue how to cook.

If more isnt done to educate young people and young families, the next generation is going to have bigger problems still.

Another reason is that a lot of the processed food available in this country doesn't actually taste all that good- so you end up still feeling unsatisfied and having just one more snack...

and junk food is cheap, which is a drawback

when I were a nipper...(abroad), we had the same parental rules about eating what's on your plate, so it can't just be that

otoh things like oven-ready chips and crisps were so expensive that they would never form part of anybody's daily diet: they were what you had for parties

and schools only served pudding twice a year, so you never got the idea that you had to have sugary stodge every day

more cookery lessons would be good, and cookery lessons that are actually about producing cheap nutritious meals, rather than chocolate chip filled scones

I do some work for a charity that runs food projects and one of the things we do is run cooking classes.

These are for all types of adults who, for whatever reason, have never really had the opportunity to learn how to shop and cook healthy food. Some of them have been in care, some of them have been homeless, some of them have mental health problems, some of them just didn't grow up in a family where healthy cooking and eating was part of their experience.

If you grew up in circumstances where everyone in the family ate a different microwave meal (probably choosing their favourite every night) then the concept of sitting everyone down to a table, eating things they didn't really like seems as alien as dressing little kids up to take them to church on a Sunday morning.

Of course I think more should be done, but I also think this is one area where community support is much more appropriate and effective than government intervention.

This is a sore point for me. I was fat as a child/teenager - am quite greedy and love food and grew up in a household where cakes and biscuits were on tap and food was given as a reward. Luckily DS1 are very slim which is partially down to genetics (got DH's build) but is very active and not that interested in food, rarely asks for sweets etc.

My friend's DS is shorter but rounder. The boy loves eating and is quite greedy and always asking for sweets/biscuits. However, he is not fat because my friend is a concerned, educated parent takes great steps to limit treats and cook healthy meals and enforces exercise and activity - unlike my mum who could not understand why I was fat and yet offered desserts at all meals, kept biscuits all the time in the tin and didn't encourage physical activity.

So agree with others, education is the key, and also exercise. Children lack decent, safe, dogshit free play areas and there is too much emphasis on organised sport/activity (where kids stand around half the time listening to instructions and waiting their turn) as opposed to letting kids run around and burn off energy by playing. I agree that some kids have a greater genetic predisposition towards fat/chubbiness than others but this can be managed as my friend manages her DSs weight problem.

Being fat as a child and teenager ruined those years for me and has had repercussions into my adult life in terms of my self esteem and how I perceive myself and react to others.

connie

My ds is very small, and we had a similar thing - not to that extent, but we got sent to a pediatrician. There was just this underlying.....judgement.

I agree, my mother was very overwieght (she died of a heart attack aged only 42) I was HUGE as a young child, I am overweight now (i am now 5 foot 3 and weigh 11.5 stone) but shockingly I am lighter now than I was at 11 years old.

for my breakfast in primary school I had a packet of biscuits, and coke in a bottle in my lunch box!

When I got to bee a teenager the weight gain slowed down because I began to realise that I needed to eat less and no biscuits etc etc but it wasnt until I left home to go to uni when I had total control over what I was eating that i lost weight - by the end of my first year of uni I was down to 10 stone which was amazing.
It always shocks me that I have had 3 babies in 5 yeard and i am STILL lighter than when i started secondary school - my parents needed a lesson in how to feed me yes.
wieght is a huge issue for me now I really struggle to keep it off. I am currently losing weight after having my baby 8 months ago and hopefully i will never let my children get so out of control as I was

sophie

I'm giving myself a boot up the backside here, because I have one underweight child and one considerably overweight.

The underweight one has Asperger's syndrome, and is very reluctant to try different foods. He likes plain crackers, apple juice and cheese. After many years, we have taught him to eat some stodge such as roast potatoes. The overweight one loves stodge and puddings, and prefers books to exercise.

When all else is going well, I can remember to offer both of them nourishing homecooked food which the thin one will eat but the tubby one won't overeat. I'll make time to force the inactive one out on her bike or to the park, but also make time to cajole the other one inside to plough through hours of homework (no chance that he'll do it unforced). As soon as I take my eye off the ball, though, one child reverts to inactivity and gains weight alarmingly quickly, and the other loses weight (and, generally, his homework, uniform, inhaler, trainers, doorkey...).

I used to hope that it was all a question of establishing good habits, but it doesn't seem to have happened.

Oh, and I also have a child with a huge appetite, no common sense, and a perfect BMI for his age. Can scoff a whole family-size pizza when out and have room for pudding.

How do other people balance the needs of very different children, while at all costs avoiding saying 'Eat less because you're fat, dear'?