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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to phone this boys parents

157 replies

biggirlsdontcry · 17/10/2009 12:07

ds's friend (11yrs) has just called in for ds , he had a pellet gun with him & pointed it at me when i answered the door i warned him not to shoot it as those guns are dangerous , when i turned to call ds the boy shot the gun at my arm , it didn't hurt much but i got annoyed at his cheek & told him " how dare he etc & i would ring his mum , he then pointed it up close into my face , i shut the hall door on him & he hung around outside for a few minutes aiming it at the windows of my house & calling ds names wtf .
should i phone his mum or just let it go .

OP posts:
Tombliboobs · 17/10/2009 19:55

I am at some of the attitudes shown here TBH.

TeeteringOnTheEdge · 17/10/2009 19:55

The boy came back (probably to try to get his gun back) and when he didn't get it showed his penknife. Nice.

Vallhala · 17/10/2009 19:56

The child is carrying a pellet gun.

He shot it at you deliberately, having been told not to aim it at you.

He hung around using abusive language to DS.

He's 11 and carrying a knife, albeit 'only' a 1 inch blade, with his parent's permission.

His mother often doesn't know where he is.

You've taken the pellet gun, which the parents gave him themselves so they clearly don't see it as unacceptable that he should have it.

If you go to speak to the parents, assuming tthat they are approachable, how long do you think it will be before their precious little boy is given the gun back?

Sorry OP but as the American's say, 'Go figure'.

Tombliboobs · 17/10/2009 19:59

No the boy came back, gave the gun to the Op, an walked away playing with his penknife, lets not get carried away

Totally agree with madlentileater

Lapsedrunner · 17/10/2009 20:01

yanbu

Original poster
biggirlsdontcry · 17/10/2009 20:02

hi , i knocked into their house at 4pm & got no answer , so i still have the dreaded gun , i am hoping the child will knock back in tomorrow so i will know then to knock into his mum , we went to my brothers house afterwards so we only got home at 7pm ,
yes bubba would definitely want to know if it was my ds , hope this child's mum feels the same , poor ds he tried to stick up for me to his friend - " don't you hit my mum"
he is more annoyed than i was .
not sure if they are English or Irish teetering does it make a difference ?[worried emoticon] i just know that ds's pal told me he was born in England & lived there until he was seven then moved away .

OP posts:
Tombliboobs · 17/10/2009 20:03

I have no problems with posts talking about how serious his behaviour was btw. Just the minority that are making sweeping generalisations about the family as a whole.

BloodRedTulips · 17/10/2009 20:09

just out of curiosity... how many of you who are at the prejudices on this thread have had any dealings with travellers?

i've had plenty and as a result of that experience i do tend to have some reservations about them as a group, i've no doubt there are plenty who don't fit the stereotype but far too many do although the mother seems to be more of a parent than alot of traveller women so maybe this family are the exception to the rule...

either way you've handled the situation admirably OP, hope it goes well with his mother.

Original poster
biggirlsdontcry · 17/10/2009 20:13

his poor mum does seem to have her hand full with him though , he has told me he is on his last warning in his school (ds goes to a different school) for fighting & he sneaks out of the house behind his mums back , then she walks the streets looking for him , .

OP posts:
vvvodka · 17/10/2009 20:15

i would call his father, not his mother.

i would also point out, that they need to nip this in the bud, as an 11 year old is legally over the age of criminal responsiblity, and if his actions resulted in someone getting hurt, it would have MAJOR consequences for the rest of his life
i speak as the mother of a 12 year old wh orecently did something incredibly stupid. if he does something like this in ten years, then he would end up with a criminal record at the least. i am grateful the other childs parents called us up, and we have been able to deal with it.

BloodRedTulips · 17/10/2009 20:16

poor woman, sounds like she's really up against it with his behaviour..... one has to wonder why on earth she's giving a child like that pellet guns and penknives though, seems unwise to put it mildly

Original poster
biggirlsdontcry · 17/10/2009 20:17

oh & just to add - the child has told me he bought this gun himself , his parents did not buy it for him , but he did say his mum knows he has it .

OP posts:
Tombliboobs · 17/10/2009 20:22

'just out of curiosity... how many of you who are shock at the prejudices on this thread have had any dealings with travellers?

Quite a lot actually bloodred and am still

Yes, you may have had issues and lots of other people may have, but it does not give anyone carte blanche to demonise any family simply because of their life choice.

The Op has described the family in much fairer terms than those using sweeping genralisations and she has shown tolerance and understanding, despite being in a difficult position.

paisleyleaf · 17/10/2009 20:24

It's no help to you, but my DH got shot at lots of times by kids with air-rifles. The pellets were ricocheting off his car and the car next to it when he'd parked and got out.
We phoned the police and they never showed up
The kids were about for a couple of hours after too.

spookyrookie · 17/10/2009 20:26

CMM - No

Biggirls, agree totally weird parents would buy something like this, hope it goes ok for you.

madlentileater · 17/10/2009 20:49

I agree with Tombliboobs it's the generalisations that unacceptable, and (I assume, unless they are New Age travelers,) the community are not exercising a life style choice, they are a minority ethnic group and one that experience an awful lot of dicscimination and hardship.

BloodRedTulips · 17/10/2009 20:53

Tombliboos, no it doesn't, but the sad fact is that people are the sum of their experiences so if someone has had several bad experiances with a paticular group of society it is rather hard to remain unbiased about them.

Although i agree some of the statements on this thread could have been phrased better or left unsaid but i haven't seen anything i'd describe as 'demonising'.... come over here and hear what said about travellers and you'd hear demonising unfortunately And all of it a direct result of the behaviour of large sections of the traveller community.

Somebody compared them to the Jews or the blacks but unfortunately the compaison doesn't work... the jews and the blacks were innnocent victims of racism... travellers have attracted bad feeling because of their own behaviour, yes not all have behaved badly but a vast majority have, and most have been proud of their crimes.

Original poster
biggirlsdontcry · 17/10/2009 21:03

bloodred - yes she knows he is a mischievous kind of kid or as she put it " he is a handful" so cant understand why he lets him have a pen knife or a pellet gun she has 6 boys so i would say she has a hard time keeping up with them .
the child's dad has him in a gym & a boxing club , i have seen him with black eyes & bloody noses .
thanks spookyrookie

OP posts:
Tombliboobs · 17/10/2009 21:10

BloodRed, You presented a well thought out post until you added this at the end 'yes not all have behaved badly but a vast majority have, and most have been proud of their crimes.

Vast majority is a massive exaggeration and simply untrue.

The issues people face with the travelling community do warrant discussion and I have no problem with having a debate in general about some of the issues, from both sides, but generalisations such as yours, and attributing behaviour that the OP encountered to the child being from the travelling community are just plain wrong.

TeeteringOnTheEdge · 17/10/2009 21:11

I'm with you Bloodredtulips. It sounds terrible, and is terrible, but also, it's a fact. Most Irish travelers are trouble. Ask any Irish person. All will have horror stories of how they live totally outside societies rules.

madlentileater · 17/10/2009 21:14

I'm not comparing Travellers to Jews or Black people (who are not just 'simply innocent victims of racism)
I'm comparing attitudes to Travellers to attitudes to Jewish and Black people.

Vallhala · 17/10/2009 21:19

Madlentileater I did re-read the thread, subsituting 'travellers' for 'Jews' and for me it didn't work. The stereotypical Jewish family or community/non-Jew experience of Jews is largely of a peaceable law-abiding group of people in this country and most non-Jews report positvely about Jews here. That cannot in all honesty be said of the travelling community.

I do accept though that it is wrong to generalise and that we can't judge the mum on the basis of being a traveller as we don't know her. I just found the suggestion that we substituted Jews for Travellers as unworkable in this particular context.

victoriascrumptious · 17/10/2009 21:21

Are you sure it's a pellet gun and not a potato gun. Surely a pellet gun shot at you from close range would have hurt you?

Original poster
biggirlsdontcry · 17/10/2009 21:27

victoria tbh i wouldn't have a clue what type of gun it is , its plastic & is filled with small balls , ds says its a pellet gun , it stung when it hit my arm a little & that was through a long sleeve top & a chunky sweatshirt so i really wouldn't like it to hit bare skin iykwim ,

OP posts:
bosch · 17/10/2009 21:31

I'm not clear whether OP was shot at by a pellet gun (child's toy shop gun, not a 'dangerous' weapon as such) as the OP states, or an air gun, (which can use pellets but is, in my view, a COMPLETELY different thing....)

If the child was merely naughty, as it sounds, I'd not expect the police to be remotely interested. But mother sounds like she would be.

Boy also sounds like he's come back to apologise, not sure if he's been given credit for that.

Am inclined to agree with you madlentileater, there is a worrying tendency on this thread to assume that gypsy/traveller = one step (or less) away from mad psychopathic killer.

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