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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to phone this boys parents

157 replies

biggirlsdontcry · 17/10/2009 12:07

ds's friend (11yrs) has just called in for ds , he had a pellet gun with him & pointed it at me when i answered the door i warned him not to shoot it as those guns are dangerous , when i turned to call ds the boy shot the gun at my arm , it didn't hurt much but i got annoyed at his cheek & told him " how dare he etc & i would ring his mum , he then pointed it up close into my face , i shut the hall door on him & he hung around outside for a few minutes aiming it at the windows of my house & calling ds names wtf .
should i phone his mum or just let it go .

OP posts:
Original poster
biggirlsdontcry · 17/10/2009 13:47

thanks everyone - will post later & let you know how i get on with his mum , x

OP posts:
Original poster
biggirlsdontcry · 17/10/2009 13:49

haunty27 - i hope the boys parents paid for you window to be replaced ,

OP posts:
Hando · 17/10/2009 13:52

I personally would not go round to his house to speak to his mother. You've spoken to her twice, so can't say you know what she is like. She knows he has this gun and I think it's liekly (from what you have said about this boys family) that she may kcik off / other family members would give you a hard time.

I'd have phoned the police immediately. They could have spoken to his parents, taken the gun and given him a fright.

I can't believe he shot you in the arm after you told him not to point it at you. That's not a "good kid" that's being a spiteful brat! He pointed it at your face and called your ds names?

Tell your ds to stay away from him and his family and let the police deal with them!

Jujubean77 · 17/10/2009 13:58

You are certainly more understanding that I am...

Original poster
biggirlsdontcry · 17/10/2009 14:05

ikwym hando - i am worried that i could be causing us a lot of unwanted trouble by going to talk to his parents but i have his gun now & either way will have to hand it back to his mum , we have our house up for sale atm so don't need any hassel but i was worried that he might have shot some other child with the gun & taken their eye out ,
i have told ds i don't want him to go out today to play as i am now also worried that this child has a " penknife" when dh gets home from work we are taking the dc's out for the afternoon ,

OP posts:
ChunkyMonkeysMum · 17/10/2009 14:09

This has got to be taken really seriously !!
Here is a recent story of a 10 year old killed by an air gun.

Is there anyone else who can look after your DC's so that your DH can pop round to see the mother with you? Not sure I'd want to go on my own.

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 17/10/2009 14:11

spookyrookie - RB??

Hando · 17/10/2009 14:18

A mother who allows her 11 yr old son to have and take out a pellet gun and a penknife isn't really the sort of mother I would want to visit alone and approach to discuss her sons bad behaviour.

I am quite confident, happy to complain and approach other parents about bad behaviour, but this family are new to the area as you say, are there lots of them? Walking into the middle of a "community" of the type you described to complain about one of their children behaviour is a very very bad idea where I live. Perhaps it is different where you are?

I would take DH with you like Chunky suggests and be wary of the fact that they may well not appreciate your call and may be expecting you.

ninagleams · 17/10/2009 14:20

Yeah, those traveller folk are craaazzyy. If you go round there they might try to poke your eyes out with a fiery spoon and pop them in their nightly casserole.

wannaBe · 17/10/2009 14:23

My concern would be that given the background this child appears to have come from, a toy pellet gun will soon enough be replaced by a real one, and then what?

But I do also realize that ringing the police is not something that is easy to do, especially if you know the parents know who you are and where you live, and are potentially not the most understanding of individuals.

But if you're afraid of their reaction anyway perhaps it's better to have them spoken to by the police rather than you.

Original poster
biggirlsdontcry · 17/10/2009 14:25

chunkymonkey - i have no one else to mind the dc's , but maybe i could get dh to wait in the car with them while i knock into his mum , i am not going to be confrontational with her , just going to say that her ds shot me this morning with his gun & i took it off him to mind as i was worried he might have hurt another child with it ,

that poor boy , what parent in their right mind would buy a gun like these for their dc's

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DuelingFANGo · 17/10/2009 14:27

What is the boy's background?

FABIsInTraining · 17/10/2009 14:27

So he has a gun, shoots you, then you see him with a knife?

My God, he wouldn't be calling for my son anymore.

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 17/10/2009 14:29

biggirlsdontcry - I think that's a good idea. Although you are not going to be confrontational, you don't know how she will react, so to have DH waiting in the car is a good move IMO.

wannaBe · 17/10/2009 14:29

they're not illegal though. You can buy them in toysrus if they're the ones I'm thinking about.

I had a penknife when I was eleven - a little swiss army knife with little gadgets and things on it - I certainly wasn't a violent thug.

I don't think it's the fact that children are allowed to have these things that is the issue, more the way they behave with them iyswim.

Lots of children may have pellet guns and use them to shoot tin cans in the garden or other targets. It's not the gun that is bad, it's the person holding it.

ninagleams · 17/10/2009 14:29

WannaBe do you know a lot of travellers? I'm picking up quite a lot of prejudice from people who I generally regard as quite sane and pleasant here. What makes you think that travellers are any more inclined to have guns than people who live in houses? Why would you think they would be any more unreasonable about their kids behaviour than a parent who lives in a house and believes their child never lies? The op said that the mum seemed nice so as long as she wasn't aggressive towards her and didn't tell her it was wrong for children to have pellet guns (ie. question her parenting skills) then why would there be a problem. The point is he might have run off with his new toy when she said he could only use it under supervision. He's clearly a naughty boy who she's having trouble with and people on this thread are acting as if his parents are gunrunners because they have a different lifestyle.

DuelingFANGo · 17/10/2009 14:29

at ninagleams

Original poster
biggirlsdontcry · 17/10/2009 14:34

hando - they are renting a house around the corner from us , not on my road , they moved here last may & met ds through another boy who had befriended their ds , iyswim
but since then 3 more family members of theirs are now renting in my area so as far as i know there are at least 4 family's here now . this boys mother knows where we live as on a daily basis she calls in asking my ds if he knows where her ds is she can never find him ,

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 17/10/2009 14:36

When I was a child pellet guns and particularly penknives were fairly common; it's only fairly recently that most adult have seen them as a complete no-no for children. There's been a lot of comment here about the boy's background, have any of you considered that said background may simply be a little more old-fashioned than you are giving credit for. I had a penknife at that age FGS, it was meaningless!

I would go round to the mother and just say that the boy needs to treat the gun with a bit more respect and be aware of the damage that it can cause. And that he also, when told not to do something he needs to not do it, and that threatening someone by pointing it at their face is not on. He's 11 they don't always get that adults can feel threatened by them at that age.

DuelingFANGo · 17/10/2009 14:38

Still wondering what his background is?

Original poster
biggirlsdontcry · 17/10/2009 14:45

what would you like to know duelingfango ? , all i know is they lived in England & moved here to my area in may , he is a nice kid & his mum seems nice but he doesn't have very many friends other than my ds & 1 other boy .
will post back later & let you all know how it went , thanks x

OP posts:
ChunkyMonkeysMum · 17/10/2009 19:12

biggirlsdontcry - How did you get on?

BubbaAndBump · 17/10/2009 19:33

btw, I wouldn't jump to conclusions that just because the boy said his mum knows about the gun and/or pen-knife, that this is actually the truth...

I think you're dealing with it really well biggirls, the talk doesn't need to be confrontational, just informative. You'd def. want to know if your son was the one walking around behaving like that.

Shocked at some people's take on what this boy "must" be like

TeeteringOnTheEdge · 17/10/2009 19:40

If they are Irish Travellers, I would just tell the police without giving my name. But you have taken the gun from the child, so they know it's you now. Hopefully it's a more reasonable type of traveller.

madlentileater · 17/10/2009 19:50
  1. A lot of prejudice against Travellers here! try substituting Jews/Blacks in some os these posts and see how they sound.
  2. The boy came back (he did not have to)
apologised (did not have to) and then handed over his gun to the Op despite saying iirc that he'd probably get grief from his mum. Sounds to me like a boy who realised he'd overstepped the mark and was trying to do the right thing. No way my dcs would have one of these, but they have all had penknives.