To not want to lend anybody my books?

[MorrisZapp]

I'm totally open to polite chiding on this.

I have 3 large bookcases full of my lovely, treasured, lifetime book collection. I also have an ever-growing, ever-changing charity pile of books that I always invite visitors to take what they want from.

But so many people seem to think that other people's book collections are basically libraries, including asking for advice -'what have you got that I'd like' etc etc.

I admit I am a total arse about books. They aren't just literature to me, they are objects of beauty and pride. I keep them scrupulously (sp) clean and totally free of crumbs, dog ears and (AAAARGH) broken spines - how can anybody break a book's spine?

Anyhoo the main reason I don't like lending them out is that people generally don't give them back - this has been my lifelong experience. I know people aren't 'stealing' them, they just forget don't they.

But I don't want to give my books away. I don't want to have to ask for them back, and I don't want them to be dog eared and fat through misuse.

I know I'm being uptight and arsey, but AIBU?

Oh, more people who can't bear broken spines on their books! I can tell my husband that I am normal.

I only lend to certain people, people who love and cherish books the way I do and who will appreciate them and look after them.

I also have a pile of books that I will never read again and those I just give to people and tell them to pass them on if they're finished with them.

We have books everywhere and they are well-loved and often read!

Apollinare - just smile very very sadly, shake your head and whisper, "no.... no, that I cannot do." Then take your friend's arm and lead them gently from the bookcase towards the window, and wave at the view saying, "these darkening days... ah, how they remind me of days gone by..." and change the conversation by going off on a long ramble about your mother's favourite pekinese and its wooden leg.

I have a horrible, vile tendency to put books face down which DP justifiably thinks is utterly barbaric and I NEVER do it to his. However, I never ever ever turn the pages down and if I see other people do so, especially if they are people I like(d), I feel a deep sad sense of loss and betrayal.

Once, tidying up after a party, I found the page of the A to Z that I lived on, torn out and discarded, and realised that someone had removed it to find his / her way to the party and then simply discarded it. In some subtle intuition of utter darkness - the frisson you feel when you encounter absolute evil - I was sure that the person who had done this HAD DONE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE'S A TO Z. I felt quite sick.

I would be interested to know whether the people who don't like to lend books have siblings, and what their formative experiences of sharing were? My sister used to a. use lots of handcream and b. borrow (ie, trash) all my things without asking. The smell of nivea makes me hysterical with twitching virgo insecurity to this day. I nearly cried the other day when my father called my dd by my niece's name by mistake as I thought it might summon my sister to take her away. And cover her in nivea.

I too hate spine-breaking. I have read some of my books over a dozen times, but the spines are not broken (or at least, not by me).
I only lend my books to very special people- my MIL and I often lend each other books as we have similar tastes in reading material. Not many other people make the grade.

vezzie- love your AtoZ story!

How many of us fussy non-lenders are Virgos? Just wondering, a few people have said it.

Oh, and I just tell people now, making a joke of it 'oooh I can't bear to lend out my books to anyone, to me it would be worse than lending out my husband! ha ha ha ha' and just keep going in that manner until whoever has stopped asking. They usually get the message.

The thing about recommending is interesting too. I have 3 people who we regularly recommend to each other. No-one else!

Capricorn here, but with Virgo rising!

Sagittarius - with Virgo rising - now there's an interesting mix! Used to be anal about books, but living with DH (who doesn't see why they should take up space in a house) and DS2's SN (went through a long phase of believing that the proper place for a book was under a running tap), have taught me that I can live without them. I still read them, voraciously, but am happy to pass them on to friends, acquaintances, jumble sales, book crossing sites etc. It's the reading of them that's important, not the owning of them. I actually don't borrow them either. I think it was the look on the librarian's face when I returned one that DS2 had had his way with that put paid to that!

read it. love it? give it away.

I'm a Virgo!!

And I only lend books that I don't really want back. All my really precious ones are hardback and I NEVER lend those ones out to anyone....

it is one of lifes greatest pleasures to find a good book and to recommend and lend it to a friend - i simply dont understand what the big deal is if you dont get it back - you can borrow one of theirs . the e value of a book is so little - buy on hte marketplace on amazon for very little or on readitswapit . i ahve hundredds and hundreds of books and am really pleased if someone borrows one and likes it - they are not ornments so IMHO YABU

I lend, I borrow, I can take a while to return them, but they do get back to their homes eventually and the people I borrow from know that.

I have replaced books that have been in unfortunate incidents and look like hell - as a general rule I borrow from Library of Psycho and I know what goes with the condition etc of them.

I used to be anal about book condition etc, but over the past few years I have relaxed and come to like books with a bit of battering etc.

Some of my most-read books are a little batteded - no matter how careful I am, eventually there are creases on the spine. However, there is "fair wear and tear" and "My God, you cracked the spine, spilt coffee on it, dogeared the pages and scribbled a random phone number on the cover! You vandal!" I wince when I see people mistreat books.

I think my books are like a phtoograph item; when I re-read a favourite book, I'm immediately reminded of where - and who - I was when I read it the first time.

As for star sign, I'm an Aries. I did share a room with my sister (who's as protective of her books as I am) and she's one of a select handful of people to which I will lend my books.

I don't lend my books out either - I'm totally anal about them. YANBU I don't think but I fully accept that some people think I'm bonkers

I have books that are very battered from lots of re-reading. It is not unusual for me to have read a book 20-30 times and I have lots of them, maybe about 100.

My BIG thing is folding pages over. In fact only on Sunday I told dd off for folding the page over on my lovely hardback edition of The Secret Garden that I had when I was 10.

I do lend books to my Mum but she knows better than to fold the page over on myt books. She does it all the time to hers and it annoys the hell out of me.

it is the folding corners down thing that winds me up too. I find it really distracting. I find myself wondering why the person stopped reading at that point. It's ridiculous I know. I also hate cracked spines. My family laugh at me for having a bookshelf full of books that look like they've never been read

Lend a book - Loose a friend

lol at vezzie.

OP YANBU, you know YANBU. My experience is the same as yours. Oh in the heady days of youth I was foolish enough to OFFER loans of books to people who I thought would enjoy them. Almost never got them back, and when did, often mangled beyond recognition, particularly by ex-BF (oh, there are many reasons for that ex, although no longer bitter about them more than 15 years later, obviously ).

I was loaned a book by my v scary boss at work, as he thought I would like it. I didn't really want to borrow it, as I was sure Something Bad Would Happen To It. Inevitably the slip cover got a bit mangled. So I then felt I had to go and buy a brand new copy to give back to him, which meant I now had a slightly mangled copy of a book which I didn't really want to read in the first place. Sigh.

Now I just give away books that I have finished with and keep the rest for myself.

I totally understand your reluctance to lend books and I think you're absolutely justified in just saying no. I used to be the same way but recently I've started seeing it slightly differently.

If it's a book that I know I will not be able to replace - for instance, if it's out of print or if it was a gift and has an inscription in it - I am always very wary about lending it and I usually just decline.

But when it comes to books that are easily replaceable, and which I LOVE, I am now happy to lend them to people and encourage them to pass them around if they love them too. Kind of like book evangelism, I suppose.

I've done that several times now with a book called A Complicated Kindness by Miriam Toews (it's a novel about a girl growing up in a Mennonite community), and also with a number of Augusten Burroughs' books. I don't care too much if they go missing because I know I can always just go into Borders and buy a new copy - and it gives me an excuse to re-read it, too!

if a book is precious I wouldn't lend it. You only get back about 1/3 of the books you lend out. Most of the time that doesn't bother me. prevents a book mountain.

Awesome post vezzie