To not want to lend anybody my books?

[MorrisZapp]

I'm totally open to polite chiding on this.

I have 3 large bookcases full of my lovely, treasured, lifetime book collection. I also have an ever-growing, ever-changing charity pile of books that I always invite visitors to take what they want from.

But so many people seem to think that other people's book collections are basically libraries, including asking for advice -'what have you got that I'd like' etc etc.

I admit I am a total arse about books. They aren't just literature to me, they are objects of beauty and pride. I keep them scrupulously (sp) clean and totally free of crumbs, dog ears and (AAAARGH) broken spines - how can anybody break a book's spine?

Anyhoo the main reason I don't like lending them out is that people generally don't give them back - this has been my lifelong experience. I know people aren't 'stealing' them, they just forget don't they.

But I don't want to give my books away. I don't want to have to ask for them back, and I don't want them to be dog eared and fat through misuse.

I know I'm being uptight and arsey, but AIBU?

So pleased to see that their are other people who feel like I do. I have loads of books that I have read and reread that remain in pristine condition. I don't like broken spines or bent corners. I also do not lend them out.

Like the OP I have mine in open bookcases and I hate it when my mum comes to stay and decides to help herself to a book. She leaves them open across the arm of a chair and always breaks the spine. But because she never asks if she can borrow them- giving me the chance to say no - it makes it very difficult (she knows my feelings about books).

DD (23) borrows my books, with my permission, knowing the rules, returning them in the same condition she borrowed them. It's not difficult.

Those who don't take care of borrowed books, would you think it was acceptable to return borrowed CDs all scratched and dirty with the box cracked?

"Never a lender or a borrower be ..." OF BOOKS! I now refuse to lend out books or to borrow them myself. Lent out my prized, much read copy of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (it comforted me in many a dark hour) to a supposed friend who never gave it back (and we are no longer friends). just thinking about it.

No YANBU they are the one outlet for middle-class theft.

People who have the utmost respect for the rights of private property and wouldn't dream of keeping your measuring jug or loaf-tin, and FGS bother to return an egg-whisk, lose it all when confronted with a friend's book.

They never get returned.

I don't mind normally, if I want one back I do that poncey thing of putting my name in. Every now and then I raid a friend's house and find a book she "borrowed" from me 22 years ago. Then I steal borrow some of hers.

No. YANBU. I have learned the hard way. My motto is 'Give, not lend'. If you must have it back, don't lend it. Now I say 'Sorry, I don't lend books' and it's tough if people don't like it... but so far they've all understood, as I rush onto Amazon to convince them they could buy it so cheaply for themselves.

However, I do have a couple of really good books that I borrowed off other people years ago and have 'forgotten' to return [double-standards emoticon]

YANBU because books seem to be things which are so often not returned and apart from to do so is to be thoughtless its also plain bad manners.

I have a selection of books which I would never lend - these are either written by friends, signed by the author, hard/impossible to replace or which contain information of especial relevence to me (I'm a family history freak and have several books on my own family).

There are others I will lend or give to charity. A forum of which I'm a member has also just come up with the idea of a book-swap club, where we offer them and pay a sum of our choice to the charitable organisation which runs the forum. Thats a great idea imo and a great way of giving away books I am happy to let go without feeling obliged to hand over a precious one because someone takes a liking to whats on my bookshelf.

YANBU - they are your books and you shouldn't have to lend them.

Have to say though that although I love books and reading, I don't feel at all strongly about them as physical objects. I turn down pages etc., and usually pass on books that I've read and enjoyed to my sister. I don't expect to get them back. IMO, if I want to reread a book I can get it from the library/second hand/the internet.

There is a 'hard core' of my absolute favourite books that I keep, but even then I'd happily give one away and replace it.

But YOU are completely entitled not to lend yours, and I wouldn't expect a friend to lend books to me.

I only lend books to a very select few people - ie, those who I know will return them. My ex used to have a deeply irritating habit of lending out my favourite books to her friends and then forgetting who she'd sodding loaned them too!

It would depend on the friend and the book. Some of my books are irreplaceable (not valuable, just obscure) but luckily not many people would want to borrow them. My mum puts her name in all her books - I should, but if I forget it looks a bit pointed if you do it when handing it over. I have bought my own books back from jumble sales after the person who borrowed them passed them on.

My "favourite" story about book-lending is a friend who lent a book to his cousin, who had the same name. When he asked for it back, his cousin said "But it's my book - look it has my name in it"

Lol, you remind me of myself!!!

I adore my books, although I do love breaking spines and making them look used and read

I do loan them from time-to-time, but I love to write on the front cover inside the date when I read it, so that I can keep track when I come to read it again - and just feel weird when someone else has read it - like how I don't like getting 2nd hand books unless they're either very, very old and for my "OLD" shelf, or if they are brand new....

It's healthy to be anal about things

Like how you should always put sugar in a cup before coffee, as it is far worse getting coffee in the sugar pot... Just me on that one eh?? thought it might be....

Sarah

Am I the only person that wouldn't expect a book back? My friend often gives me books to read and then pass on and I do the same to other people. I only keep books that are special (I probably have 3 or 4 that I'd read again) but I have piles waiting to be read.

My friend told me a story a few months back. She had her name written inside a children book when she was younger (unusual first and surname). He mum must have given it away to the charity shop after she grew out of it. Twenty something years later she gets a call from her cousin (in another county) who had purchased a book and found her name written in it. Her mum confirmed it was the exact copy she'd given away all those years ago! Awwww!

YANBU. I do occasionally lend/borrow within a narrow group of equally anal, non-spine-breaking people. I am very proud of the fact that my 16 year old feels the same about books

I only read novels once and then give them away to friends or charity

They are your books so you can do what you like with them. I don't mind lending my books because very few people make it through our front door, so the ones who do are people who are going to give my books back (or I have equal access to their house and can just say "Oi! There's my xyz" and take it back.

I don't mind crumbs and things on paperbacks, but I don't like hardbacks being despoiled.

I always lend books out. I love lending books to people. I take it on the chin that some won't come back, or will look more "loved" when they do return. The boys lend books to their friends and vice versa.

I often lend books to pupils at school. We buy loads and loads and loads of books (have thousands in the house), and it's easier to justify this expense if each copy gets read several times! With children's/teenager's books the boys usually have reciprocal arrangements with friends. eg. ds1 will buy the latest Horowitz as soon as it's published and his mate will buy the latest Colfer, then they will swap and read each other's.

I do have a few books that I have read 5 or 6 times, but most books are only read by me once or twice.

Dh does have a small collection of valuable special editions, some extremely old books, first editions and so on. Obviously we wouldn't lend those out, but otherwise I'm free and easy!

Generally books are not 'expensive' these days, and if I have to replace one, so what?

Oh, I did buy book protector covers from a library supplier, which I always put on books that are likely to be lent to children/teenagers, or read several times by my boys! They were quite expensive, but are well worth the expense.

On the issue of 'books are just words' etc, I have no issue with people who think like this. But I love books as objects. In the same way that a movie buff will have a film on VHS, DVD and now bluray or whatever, I continually upgrade my favourite books whenever I see a nicer edition.

My fetish is for American edition paperbacks. They have a completely different feel to UK paperbacks, they are softer and made (usually) from thinner paper which somehow makes them more appealing to me.

I have quite a few US paperbacks that I don't actually have any interest in reading but bought for their physical appeal alone. I also have treasured US versions of some of my best loved novels and you'd better believe those books are never leaving my house, not even with me.

When I travel, I take books that I like but have less cherished editions of, so that the inevitable handbag/ suitcase wear and tear is bearable.

How I came to be this way is a mystery as my mum (from whom I inherited my passion for reading) is the exact opposite - she leaves all her books splayed open to keep her place, and doesn't own any slim paperbacks as all of hers are twice their 'new' size due to repeated spine abuse.

I love her dearly but if she asks to borrow a book she gets a five point lecture on their correct care and preservation

... also on the charity issue, I give roughly 50% of thge books I buy to charity. I'd be sleeping on a mountain of books if I didn't.

I used to walk on by the charity shops but I find now that what with all the 3 for 2 offers in Waterstones, cheapness of Amazon etc, it is now normal to find books in charity shops that have been read once only or not at all.

There is one shop near me (Shelter shop in Forrest Road, Edinburgh) where I've particularly happy hunting, and I always give my unwanted ones back either to them or to visitors to my house.

YANBU. I don't mind about them getting tatty but I do want them back and people never do return them. One friend said she didn't have a clue where the books were when I asked for them back and seemed annoyed that I was asking her for them. I was really upset when I lent a friend our lonely planets and she didn't return all of them, I had notes written in them and they were a memento of our time travelling.

DVD's are also not returned and this really annoys me as they are quite expensive. I had bought a childrens film for ds and friend borrowed it before we had even watched it, I was quite annoyed that she asked to borrow it as she knew we hadn't watched it. She has obviously lost it but says she can't remember borrowing it from us, I think it must have fallen from her pushchair on the way home. Never offered to refund me for it!

I'd lend almost anything to my best friends,because I know I'll get the book back eventually,but I wouldn't lend anything irreplacable - yes,some books are easy to get hold of but I've got some old favorites that would be impossible to find now if I lost them,and I love them! (sad person emoticon..)

I learnt not to trust anyone at age 10,when I leant a book to my Dad,and he read it and gave it to a jumble sale! My own father - and we had a house full of books,he re-read books,goodness knows what he was thinking!In fairness he did replace it,as did the friend who dropped my book in the bath...

Pogleswood, I've lent stuff that has ended up being sent off to the carboot sale.

Also lent some books out once and ended up getting them back for my xmas present, did make me chuckle!

i have 2 sorts of books, treasured ones i would never ever give away- most of them are pretty dogearred though from being re-read so often

and lots of pristine trash that i read once. these books gather over a year and then i take a huge pile of them into work and leave them for people to help themselves to.

We do lend, and things tend to come back eventually but often not for a year or more. Wouldn't lend anything irreplaceable or expensive, and don't chase up lent books -- would probably just replace it quietly after a couple of years if I really wanted to still have it, and be happy that it was out there in the world being loved.

Piss off away from my books you horrible, dog ear making, spine breaking, coffee cup staining, crease crumb filling, never intending to return, precious book ABUSERS!

YANBU. I don't lend my books anyone, ever.

In fact, I hate lending anything to anyone.

Just a quick note about keeping books in clingfilm - this really isn't a good way of preserving them, especially if they are really old and precious. Likewise glass-fronted bookcases, although they're good for keeping the dust off, aren't great for storing books as they can trap in moisture which can lead to mould and damp spots on your books. If you really want to be anal about it, make sure they're stored upright somewhere cool and dry, and wrap anything very special in acid-free paper.

Having said that, many books printed between about the 30s and 70s were printed on very high-acid paper and will crumble to nothing now matter how carefully you look after them...