Is this a bit mean?

[upahill]

More of a ponder this one.
A week or so 8 women friends went out for a meal. Not everyone knew each other. Lots of different backgrounds. One of my friends is stoney broke but so looking forward to going out she sold some of her gold to go. Anyway, everyone was free to order whatever they wanted to drink whenever they wanted, we decided on no starters but shared popadoms and a main course. Everyone decided that we weren't going to have a sweet but some decided they wanted an Irish cofee or a ordinary coffee. Some decided they didn't want anything. No problem. Bill cameto £151 for 8 people.Someone said call it £20 each. We all got our purses out and twenty quid down. Even skint friend who said that was good, even two pregnant friends who had 1 soft drink all night. See where this is going? A well off acquantence suddenly says actually mine only came to £14.00. (she is so not broke and had plenty of cash on her) Everyone looks disgusted - she is oblivious to everyone being pissed off. I tried saying ' If you look at it as night out for £20, we have been here for 3 1/2 hours and had good service it's quite good value. Someone else said 'It's swings and roundabouts- next time your's might be more more expensive.'

Like I said no major issue but are we (the remander 7 of us) right to be a bit narked? Just a wonder. Thoughts please

I'd just split the bill. I go out so rarely, it's worth any extra over and above what I've consumed to be in good company and having a good time.

I don't drink generally when I go out as I can't deal with the hangovers any more, but I will generally have 3 courses and a pud, so I suspect the bill balances itself out.

And when it doesn't, I try not to worry about it. I'm sure my annual going out bill wouldn't come near to £200, and in my youf, when I was much better off than I'll ever be again, I have been known to spend that in a weekend

paninied, no you don't HAVE to, there are other ways to do it so HAVE is the wrong word!

As for all of you who think you need to start getting out calculators, well I can see why people are despairing of the education system if adults cannot keep an approximate running total for (maximum) 3 courses and a few drinks in their heads

The whole "we have to share the bill" thing is a convention that allows people to show off how rich they are and make people that either are not rich or who want to stay rich feel bad about themselves. Another form of passive bullying when used like this.

Goodenss, what on earth happened to live and let live? Some people are happy to carry each other and be carried, some are not it is not a big deal. I bet the same people who say "but I only had" will often be the ones who also say "No I had more than everyone else" if a split is suggested but they have over-indulged. It is not mean just a sense of fairplay!

It is a bit mean but understandable, paticularly if she eats out a lot and is expected to pay £6 extra 40+ times a year (thats £240 for those of you who need calculators).

But it is meaner to eat £25 worth of food and not cough up the extra money when you know others want to only pay for what they ate.

Its exceedingly mean to only leave a £1.15ish tip each for "3 1/2 hours and had good service"

It would have annoyed me too OP so YANBU to be a little miffed with her questioning the few pound.

If you go for an evening out then you take enough money. If you don't have much then you tell the others that you'll be paying just or your own. Islandofsodor - You really budget £15 for a night out? Anywhere we go for a meal is usually at least £20 each (Indian, Chinese, Pizza Express - just cheapish places) plus drinks, then I'd expect drinks before and probably afterwards too, bus or taxi home etc.

I like to split the bill. But then our firends and us usually eat/drink similarly. We all drink alcohol when not witht he children, we all have mains plus starter or dessert and we don't usually order expensive wine or champers, so it's generally fair. I've feel unbelieveably embarassed to query a few pounds with friends! Never!

yes Golda! just read down the thread thinking isnt anyone going to mention how small the tip is? for 3 1/2 hours and an enjoyable meal!

DMNC You need calculators because it is never a matter of 1 starter + 1 main course + 1 pudding.

It is I had two glasses of wine out the bottle which is 15/6x2 and 1/3 of the spinach side and although I said yes when asked if still water was Ok I would have preferred tap and so I don't see whay I should have to pay for 1/7 of a bottle of wine.

And in my experience (limited to work functions, because honestly "friends" who quibble over every last panny are not worth the hassle) people who say "but I only had" are never the people who say "but I had more". In fact they are almost always the ones that request a tripple smirnoff when I offer to get the drinks in.

I hardly drink and I hate it when friends get stuck into the wine and then I end up paying for their booze

actually by friends I mean school gate mums, I wouldn't grudge my real pals any amount of wine

in answer to op, no YANBU. why is it always the rich types who are tight with their money?

yes bill was £151, total paid was £160

£9 tip for a table of 8??

sorry, YABU now! you're all a bunch of tight arses, not just the loaded one!!

I too hate splitting the bill - a.k.a. subsidising other diners' dinner and drinks when I only drink tap water and don't order loads / expensive options.

However, it is often not possible to suggest paying your own way (including a tip, bread etc) because of the social stigma of being seen to be 'mean'.

I therefore avoid going out in big groups and, if I must (e.g. for someone's leaving do) I think of an excuse to leave before the bill comes and just pay my share in cash

I think it is extremely unfair for people to say "well I know she earns a lot so it's unfair that [she doesn't subsidise my meal]", which is effectively what is happening.

I went out for a Christmas group meal once where it was a set menu price, however drinks and tip were on top. When the bill came, I added a normal tip, which everyone immediately pounced on as too much although the service had been fine - it worked out as £1 a head! I was completely disgusted - the waitresses rely on tips to make their low wages vaguely reasonable!

In your situation, I think payment should have been discussed at the beginning. There is always confusion over this otherwise.

Agree totally with Dailymailchanger.
Whenever our Book group goes out for a meal we agree at the beginning that the those of us not drinking will pay less - it doesn@t take long to figure out.
I had to eventually broach how splitting the bill between families when eating out with siblings + their kids etc was unfair once all the children were no longer toddlers. I have only one child, db has only one child but dsis has 3. It took a while but no-one suggests splitting the bill anymore as effectively it meant db and I ended up subsidising dsis.

tinkerbellesmuse, yes it is

starter 1/3 of spinach side say £9/3 so you simply keep £3 in your head
Main - is what it is, add that (eg £11.95) to the £3 you now remember £15.

You have a glass of wine so that is 1/5 (in standard glasses) of the bottle, a good guesstimate is to allow £2.50 per glass so now you remember £17.50

It is really not rocket science at the end you say, ok mine was £20ish so I add 10% and chuck it in the middle. No quibbling over pennies just round it up as you go and the tip should end up being a generous one. If other people want to argue that is up to them it is easy to keep your own straight though!

DMNC ahhh but one persons 1/3 of the spinach main is never the same as their neighbours 1/3. What if someone who didn't agree to go fifths on a side has a spoonful - then what eh?! And who on earth should pay for the 1/4 that wasn't eaten at all or does that get deducted from the final bill? Tis fraught I tell you! Or maybe that is my punisment for lunching with auditors

Calculators and weighing scales at the ready I say

Sounds like you need to get some new lunch partners TBH!

The last group meal I went to we arranged it in advance that each person (or couple) had a tab as there was going to be a range of eaters/non-eaters/drinkers/non-drinkers.

Doesn't get you away from the scroungers though - DH and I ordered a bottle of wine on our tab, and then another mum went to the bar for an empty glass and came back and asked if she could pour some out of our bottle!

I totally agree with ssd. Looking back the tipping situation was mean. A mate just rounded the bill up and we all threw our twenty's in. At least most of us did tip except for miss 'I only had ...'
Any way I've got a chance to make up for my meaness, me and a mate going there for lunch this week and going on a sort of works do in December so I'll get my purse out and not be tight.

good on you