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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a bit mean?

117 replies

upahill · 15/10/2009 11:17

More of a ponder this one.
A week or so 8 women friends went out for a meal. Not everyone knew each other. Lots of different backgrounds. One of my friends is stoney broke but so looking forward to going out she sold some of her gold to go. Anyway, everyone was free to order whatever they wanted to drink whenever they wanted, we decided on no starters but shared popadoms and a main course. Everyone decided that we weren't going to have a sweet but some decided they wanted an Irish cofee or a ordinary coffee. Some decided they didn't want anything. No problem. Bill cameto £151 for 8 people.Someone said call it £20 each. We all got our purses out and twenty quid down. Even skint friend who said that was good, even two pregnant friends who had 1 soft drink all night. See where this is going? A well off acquantence suddenly says actually mine only came to £14.00. (she is so not broke and had plenty of cash on her) Everyone looks disgusted - she is oblivious to everyone being pissed off. I tried saying ' If you look at it as night out for £20, we have been here for 3 1/2 hours and had good service it's quite good value. Someone else said 'It's swings and roundabouts- next time your's might be more more expensive.'

Like I said no major issue but are we (the remander 7 of us) right to be a bit narked? Just a wonder. Thoughts please

OP posts:
onemoretimetoday · 15/10/2009 12:49

I wouldn't dream of just paying for what I've eaten, regardless of who I go out with we split the bill evenly the only exception being if some people are drinking properly ie more than a glass of wine in which case me might ask for a separate drinks bill and split that between the drinkers. If one of us is a bit skint we'll suggest somewhere cheap and cheerful rather that somewhere more expensive and that always goes down well. We have one friend who does the I only ate this thing and my husband now refuses to go out to eat with him.

WreckOfTheHesperus · 15/10/2009 12:50

It does probably depend on what you're used to. When young and skint, my friends and I used to split the bill.

But now we're older and better off, we never do it.

And if I were going out with some of our friends who aren't very well off, then I would be conscious of what I was ordering, so as not to get out of step and create a large discrepancy.

Original poster
upahill · 15/10/2009 12:50

The posts about being a veggie are spot on. I'm a veggie too and I had a starter for a main! Think my meal cost pence rather than pounds

OP posts:
DailyMailNameChanger · 15/10/2009 12:51

Mybox, that makes no sense, if one person pays for their own food then, from a bill POV, it is as if they were never there so everyone else can split the remainder any way they see fit!

Original poster
upahill · 15/10/2009 12:54

Needacoffee Fair point - I was just setting the scene that the most broke person on the night out thought it was reasonable and paid up without question but I see what you mean

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 15/10/2009 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

seaglass · 15/10/2009 12:59

My bil nearly ruined our wedding day by complaining about paying £20 for a meal at the stag night - the other 19 men all had no problem splitting the bill, but on the wedding day, dear bil tackled DH saying he wanted at least a tenner back, as his pizza was only £8. Should have said something on the night, the tight fisted wally!
There's nothing worse than going out for a meal, then at the end, someone whips out a calculator to work out the bill - it's just embarrassing!

pooexplosions · 15/10/2009 13:03

I sooo wish I still lived in the UK! I am that you can get a curry night out for £20, let alone those saying that it is a lot!!

You'd barely get a starter for that here, a takeaway curry would cost you nearly that.
One of the many reasons I don't get out much....

Bleh · 15/10/2009 13:18

It's a minefield. I don't mind occassionally paying a bit more, but I don't like sponsoring tightwads. There's someone I know who was emigrating - we grudgingly went along (don't actually like him that much) as he made SUCH a fuss about it. Had dinner in a restaurant, we all had bread, service (obviously) and everything, but when it came to paying, he only wanted to pay for his pasta, so refusing to pay for bread and service. DP ended up paying in the end, he emigrated and we have never spoken to him since (thank goodness).

MaggieBehaveOutGuising · 15/10/2009 13:25

Where are you living pooX? - sounds a lot for a starter!

DailyMailNameChanger · 15/10/2009 13:25

See there is a huge difference between wanting to break the bill down and wanting to get away with being an arse!

People I see have always worked it that everyone keeps a rough running total, this is then compared to the bill to see if it fits, if it is a few pounds out everyone just chucks in a bit extra and everyone adds 10% ish for tip. No-one is being mean everyone is just paying their own way.

IMO it is the best solution where you have groups that spread across pay bands (for want of a better expression)

diddl · 15/10/2009 13:28

I have to agree that I usually prefer to pay my own as I often eat less than others.

In that I rarely have starter/pudding, coffee, more than one drink.

The other thing is that just because this woman is well off, there´s no reason that she should be subsidising others.

I often find that if you suggest you pay your own,you´re made tofeel as if you´ve suggested something really unreasonable.

DuelingFANGo · 15/10/2009 13:32

"It reflects the type of person she is - self centred, uncooperative and definitely didn't care for the overall harmony and enjoyment of a group outing"

really?!

Blimey. So not wanting to pay extra for food and wine you've not even eaten or drunk makes you a self-centred adn uncooperative person?

DuelingFANGo · 15/10/2009 13:34

Also - OP, I am confused because you said "A well off acquantence suddenly says actually mine only came to £14.00." so you must have been there when the conversation happened and must have been aware that there would be extra to pay. How come your friend ended up putting the £6 in with no one at all offering to contribute?

freakname · 15/10/2009 13:44

The difference was nearly 50% extra for her and she was brave to speak up imo.

DailyMailNameChanger · 15/10/2009 13:47

I agree fango, I do not see it as self centred or anything else to not want to supplement other peoples meals!

TBH this whole thing has got a bit out of hand, nowadays you seem to be made to feel a complete shit for wanting to pay for the food you ate and teh drink you drank and have others do the same! What is so wrong with it? If it really is swings and roundabouts then she will pay more next time because she will eat more next time and the others will pay less because they eat less simples...

Personally I suspect this is a trend driven by people who like to eat and drink a lot and have strong voices - those who do not find it easier to put up and shut up than to argue!

Honestly, paying your own way in life does not make you mean, not paying your own way makes you a bit of a sponger in my book!

DuelingFANGo · 15/10/2009 13:54

And having a well paid job doesn't mean you're well off either. Maybe she's on a strict budget too?

ADealingMummy · 15/10/2009 13:58

YANBU, she sounds a little bit mean

bamboostalks · 15/10/2009 13:59

That is dire behaviour, would never go out with again. Piss poor. These people never count in tip etc and simply do not know how to behave in a social way.

DuelingFANGo · 15/10/2009 14:00

LOL!

freakname · 15/10/2009 14:02

You also mention that she is only an acquaintance - even less reason for her to subsidise everyone else.

DailyMailNameChanger · 15/10/2009 14:02

Bamboostalks These people, what are we a social underclass then?

I point back to my previous post, tbh that kind of attitude says an awful lot about you and very little about anyone else.

GibbonWithAnAppleBobbingBibOn · 15/10/2009 14:14

I'm in the always just split the bill equally camp but I would not be bothered or offended if people want to pay for what they ordered instead.

As long as I had a lovely meal and good company, I'd be happy.

GibbonWithAnAppleBobbingBibOn · 15/10/2009 14:15

piss poor, dire behaiviour? easy tiger.

overthemill · 15/10/2009 14:15

personally i hate it when the bill comes with a new group of friends. ime its hardly ever much different if you add each person's up so it seems a bit petty to me (as a non drinker who is always the driver) but if the difference was several pounds i wouldnt want to diddle other people if i'd had an expensive fish dish, for example, and i'm always grateful when people point out i didnt drink so should pay less, though rarely take them up on it
btw most if not all mobile phones have a calculator function and most restaurants will divide up the bill for individual couple i think