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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like a massive failure for not managing to wear my baby on my back?

45 replies

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 14/10/2009 15:53

I have a Didymos wrap and can do a front carry no problem. I learned how to do it by watching Youtube videos. So when something went in my back, I thought a back carry would be better because it would be less painful.

So i go onto Youtube. and watch the videos, with all the different methods for getting your baby on your back. The thing is, all the babies in the videos are co-operative, still, not wriggling - unlike my wriggling monster of death, who arches her back and screams every time I try and get her on my back. Not quite the beautiful arc that the babies in the videos are performing, sitting up high on their mother's back as if they were born there. They probably were.

The thing is, all the mums in the videos look unbearably smug. I want to slap them. All of them. Smug fucking bitches.

Warning: I may be slightly unreasonable due to being in extreme pain. But none of you are allowed to say so.

OP posts:
Disenchanted3 · 14/10/2009 15:54

YABU to feel you are a failure.

YANBU to want to slap the smug fucking bitches.

pooexplosions · 14/10/2009 15:58

Try a Mei Tai, a million times easier to get on your back than a wrap. Wraps are bloody hard.
How old is baby though? Makes a big difference. I could get DS2 on my back easily at 7 months, but not at all at 5 months.

MrsBadger · 14/10/2009 15:58

yanbu re slappage-desire

I had a Calin Bleu gauze wrap and similar problems

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 14/10/2009 15:59

I was told by the mw not to use a sling as it would hurt my back, so never did.
people can be smug about odd things =, so don't worry about it

Original poster
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 14/10/2009 16:02

2Shoes - It's not the sling that's done my back in, I think it might be a trapped nerve, or possibly a slipped disk.

My friend has a Mei Tai she says she'll lend me, but she is out and I need to leave the house to get supplies (we have no bread or anything for tea) and I don't have a Mei Tai, but I do have a Didymos wrap.

Fuxxake. Why can't anything be easy?

OP posts:
pooexplosions · 14/10/2009 16:02

mw was wrong, a decent sling worn properly will save your back, not hurt it.
Really bugs me when people say that.....

Original poster
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 14/10/2009 16:03

Dd is 7.5 months, ish, by the way, and can sit unaided and crawl. And wriggle. Oh, how can she wriggle, let me count the ways!

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 14/10/2009 16:03

Buy something easier to use before you commit a violent crime! I use an Ergo...smug face optional.

Disenchanted3 · 14/10/2009 16:03

Do you not have a buggy?

WurzelBoot · 14/10/2009 16:03

Dude, you are waaaaay ahead of where I got to - I couldn't get the blighters into a sling on my front, on my back which-ever way at all.

Mine were pushed around in a pushchair. And then they had the audacity to be really pleased when I switched them round to forward facing because both of them preferred strangers to their chatterbox mother!

I hope you feel better soon and are in a position to take the good drugs.

Original poster
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 14/10/2009 16:04

And I would just take the buggy, but it's a tandem, and it's in the boot of my car, and I can't lift it out.

I could just drive down to Sainsbury's, put the kids in the trolley and hope that I have manage to push it.

OP posts:
Original poster
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 14/10/2009 16:05

No good drugs for me - breastfeeding.

OP posts:
notevenamousie · 14/10/2009 16:06

I back carried with my wilkinet but agree with pp that it actually got easier when dd was older (tho heavier). Hope you can get out to the shops - and stop beating yourself up.

MonstrousMerryHenry · 14/10/2009 16:18

YABU. Honestly. How dare you be pissed off at being in pain?

So sorry for your dodgy back, I have a Beko (v similar to Ergo) - if you can get one of those it's much easier than managing a wrap sling on your back as the straps are like a ruck-sack so no need for tying, etc. But first I think you should get yourself to a good osteopath - they do amazing things for dodgy backs (DH and I can both testify to this).

Best of luck - carrying on back is much easier as your DCS get older (I'm thinking age 18 mos and beyond).

CMOTdibbler · 14/10/2009 16:21

I'm not a wrapper, and am always fascinated to watch people putting them on neatly.

Back carrying (I have Meitais) is easier with older children, especially when they will climb on nicely. I still carry my large 3.5 year old, and don't have a bad back at all.

I'd go with driving, and putting the children in the trolley

curlyredhead · 14/10/2009 16:31

Another vote for mei tai here.

When trying to get my dd to tolerate trying something new sling-wise I would give her something tasty to eat - worth a try? Otherwise, I think the car+trolley plan is best for today. Or... somewhere I have seen vid of someone shifting a front cross carry into a back cross carry without getting child down - will see if I can fund it. Though might not be possible for your back today.

You can take some painkillers while bf - have you been taking paracetamol and ibuprofen?

Hope your back is better soon.

Original poster
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 14/10/2009 16:33

I have been taking paracetamol & brufen, and my GP has prescribed some stronger anti-inflammatories but I need to go and get the prescription from the surgery which, again, requires me to leave the house.

OP posts:
curlyredhead · 14/10/2009 16:37

Here is the vid: www.youtube.com/watch?v=09ciLNrBAUs&feature=youtube_gdata

Hope you can make it to get your meds.

Original poster
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 14/10/2009 16:41

That video is AWESOME!

Right, going to try it now.

OP posts:
ChairmumMiaow · 14/10/2009 16:45

TAFKA - this won't help now, but I started wearing DS on my back recently and even with a mei tai i'd struggle when he's in a wriggly mood.

If you want to do this in the long run, my advice would be to get someone else to tie her on a few times until she gets used to it, and then (at least from DS's example) she will be more likely to sit still when you try it.

Once DS had spent a decent amount of time on the back he is quite happy to be thrown on and will sit there while I pull the mei tai straps over - I just lightly support him with one hand just in case.

MonstrousMerryHenry · 14/10/2009 16:54

TAFKA - if it's possible for you to get to an osteo, I strongly recommend that you do. They are amazing at locating the tiniest causes of pain/ bizarre musculo-skeletal problems, and helping you to work out what led to the damage and then to avoid it again. If you don't see a specialist you are at risk of causing yourself long-term damage - all the more so if you carry your DD on your back. Painkillers are no substitute for personal attention from a specialist.

Camomilla · 14/10/2009 17:00

I had a very wriggly un-cooperative baby, back carry was always a failure until one day I tried a simple RUB and then this and she loved it as she could see over my shoulder and check what I was doing (a lot easier though with a short wrap). I now do it even around shops (I was always so at those smug mums who said they'd put their LOs ont theis back when out and about!!) and it's great - she's 13 months now, but I didn't start this til she was about 9-10 months, though it might have worked earlier had I known about it - the other back carries always took too long for houdini to stay still. Hope this helps

Original poster
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 14/10/2009 17:08

Well, i tried the front to back carry. I still can't do it, but i can not do it better than before.

MrsTM - osteopaths and chiropractors all seem to cost the earth and we just don't have the spare money!

OP posts:
CristinaTheAstonishing · 14/10/2009 17:17

I never quite managed the back carry either (Ergo), and certainly never w/o another adult to help. It didn't bother me that much. Good luck, don't get your ties in a twist over it.

Sassyfrassy · 14/10/2009 17:28

I can only do backcarriers with a mei tai. They're really a lot easier.