To feel like a massive failure for not managing to wear my baby on my back?

[TAFKAtheUrbanDryad]

I have a Didymos wrap and can do a front carry no problem. I learned how to do it by watching Youtube videos. So when something went in my back, I thought a back carry would be better because it would be less painful.

So i go onto Youtube. and watch the videos, with all the different methods for getting your baby on your back. The thing is, all the babies in the videos are co-operative, still, not wriggling - unlike my wriggling monster of death, who arches her back and screams every time I try and get her on my back. Not quite the beautiful arc that the babies in the videos are performing, sitting up high on their mother's back as if they were born there. They probably were.

The thing is, all the mums in the videos look unbearably smug. I want to slap them. All of them. Smug fucking bitches.

Warning: I may be slightly unreasonable due to being in extreme pain. But none of you are allowed to say so.

I didn't manage it in a Mei Tai either. With the distance of time it all seems unimportant

You could try a hugabub, it doesn't do back carry, but spreads the load out really evenly across your body and back. I was still able to carry the boy in it when he got tired at 3ish.

Ergo is good as well.

TAFKA - I do understand - it's a huge expense. Could your GP not refer you? A friend of mine who works in the NHS says you should always exaggerate your symptoms so that they take you seriously - it's apparently the only way to get the care you need. Dreadful, isn't it? But if it means you protect your back...

Best of luck.

I have an ergo, and am mightily impressed that you managed anything with a wrap!
YANBU.
Get an ergo.

you are not a failure,obviously!

I spoke to my GP today, who said that neither physio nor chiropractor would touch me until the pain was lessened and the swelling had gone down. Hence her prescribing me anti-inflammatories. But I haven't got them because I haven't been able to get out of the house today.

Still, both kids fed, washed and in pyjamas, waiting for dh to come home so he can take the strain. No idea what we're going to eat, may spank the credit card for a takeaway.

Takeaway sounds good plan. Back sounds grim; are there any latenight pharmacies where your dh could fill the prescription?

On back carries: have you tried slingmeet for a meet near you? Seeing / getting help in person can really help.

I don't know how true that is, TAFKA, having not seen you, but I know that both DH and I have seen our osteo when we're in a lot of pain and when DH has had swelling. I can honestly say they are like miracle workers - far better than physios IMO. It's possible your GP's advice is influenced by budgetary constraints - if your pain goes you're less likely to go back and ask for a referral. Ultimately, IME anyone with severe back pain needs to see a specialist as GPs are simply not trained or experienced enough to handle this well.

I wish I could explain how osteos and physios differ, I don't know enough technical stuff to explain (and don't know chiropractic enough to compare) but I would def go for osteo over physio any day. They have better sensitivity to the functioning of the body at micro and macro levels, and are therefore better equipped to help you tackle the problem.

Poor you!

TAFKA could you not take something like Tramadol? I was prescribed that after gallbladder surgery, the doctor knew I was GFing but said it would be fine. (am desperately hoping I was not misinformed...!)

LOL

I was BFing, not GFing

the trick is (too late for you but never mind) to get them used to back carries when they're really small!
i would bet my bottom dollar that most of the co-operative ones on youtube vids have been carried like that since they were teeny
tis much easier to get a little baby on your back than a wriggly older one lol

try giving LO something to eatl you may end up with biscuit smeared through your hair, but hey!
the key though is practise practise practise.

I have to admit I rarely put ds3 on my back because I have big boobs and unless I do a rucksack or tibetan I end up with a terrible split boob thing going on
rucksack makes my shoulders ache much quicker than a cross carry though

mei tai are fab for back carries, but not as comfy if you're going to be wearing them for a longtime IME

whereabouts in the country are you?

whereabouts in the country are you?

repeat after me you are not a failure!

Back pain is incredibly debilitating - do whatever you can to relieve it (my mum used to find sleeping completely flat on the hard floor was the only thing that helped her sciatica, have friends who swear by TENs machines....dont know if you had one for when you were pregnant but might be worth a try)

....don't go to a chiropractor, maybe try an osteo/physio but give the anti-inflammatories a chance first. But for the time being I would avoid carrying any weights, and only gentle exercise, you dont want to make anything worse!

(disclaimer - I am not a medical professional, just deal with lots of people who have bad necks/backs!)

Incidentally although I have no back problems, I never managed to carry either DS on my back as I just found it too heavy & uncomfortable

Back pain is the pits - it's a bit like tooth ache in that it eats away at your reserves. I have a dodgy back and have just stuck to a buggy. They could either be carried close to me and have a grumpy mummy, or be in a buggy with a pain free one - no contest.

Have only skim read the rest of the thread but YES! Someone has finally said it The absolute only way I have ever managed to get DS on my back is with another person helping, who is not fazed by having to hold him right in position while I tighten the wrap. It happened once. And although I do love my buggy I also really really miss "babywearing"

I have tried him with a Wilkinet (which I have heard is not as supportive as an Ergo but is a similar type of design) but he still screamed blue murder and made it impossible to get on without help by wriggling so much. So I'm not sure an Ergo or Mei Tai would help. And I want a pretty, supportive woven wrap!

The only way I can think of to get it working is pick a week or a weekend where a trusted friend or DH or someone can help you, use a more structured carrier like an Ergo/Mei Tai, and get them up on your back with help several times until they learn they like being up there and stop wriggling while you get them into place, and then hope in the future it works with a different carrier if you want to use one.

YANBU. I have an Ergo and could never get the hang of it at all, despite having many helpful demonstrations from Mawbroon and watching the uber smuggymummys helpful ladies in the clip.

Thanks for all your messages everyone!

I'm going to try again tomorrow, dd was tired and hungry and miserable and with hindsight (that most wonderful parenting tool! ) it was a stupid thing to be doing, and not fair on dd either. I think she'll be fine if I try tomorrow when she's not tired and grizzly.

Still want to slap uber smug babywearing mummy though!

smug back carrying wrapper mummy checking in.

have you tried lifting your baby higher and tying tighter on a front carry. as they get bigger, carrying them higher on your front (makes it more supportive.)

when trying a back carry, tie facing the telly to reduce squirmage.

a rucksack carry (with tibetan straps) is faster.

try the santa toss to get baby on your back. use your index finger to keep the straps separated when you gather the wrap.

Will try again when she's awake. She's still fast asleep in bed at the moment. Lucky her!