to think women who use their husband's email address are submissive stepford wives who don't have a life of their own?

[Picante]

Seriously, is it that hard to work out how to get your own email address?

The ones that share are bad enough e.g. '[email protected]' or whatever, but I've seen quite a few that simply have the man's name as the email address.

Yes I know there are more important things to worry about, but come on ladies, this is 2009!

Sorry picante, I just hate all that, 'name your favourite mumsnetter' crapola, and am mumsnetting in between painting and glittering two cardboard dinosaurs, so am probably getting the wrong end of the stick

I agree with the privacy thing, I don't open dh's emails and he doesn't open mine, but then most of mine are from preschool rather than tawdry missives from my lover

YANBU
How else do you conceal your excessive E-Baying / Online Shopping / Naked Fireman Pictures habits???

Because it sounded like a bit of a dig at the crappy relationships of people who don't share their emails, Ruby.

It is not about having a lover! (well obviously I guess sometimes it is but that is not why privacy matters). I just like to feel I am emailing the person I am emailing and it is for their eyes only. There are little in-jokes and personal details that you share with a female friend, I hate emailing their husband because it means I don't feel I can do that.

The funny thing is it really DOESN'T MATTER. Even the OP said herself that there are more important things to worry about.

BUT at the same time I find it so odd sending an email to a woman who's using her DH's email addy.

We have a joint email address - mrandmrsshophappy - but to be honest it is really just mine - I do not think that y husband ever checks it - if he had his own private address it would be useless as he would ever get the mail. I do not see the problem with a joint email account - there is nothing he cannot see from my side and vice versa. Also as we move countries every few years, it is the one address that NEVER changes - hence our friends now that they can send something to that address and we will receive it.

I also open all my husband's real mail (even if it is addressed only to him) - otherwise we would have an unopened pile sitting on the desk for ever - so I don't see much difference between that and a joint email address.

We also have a joint bank account with equal access - I am a SAHM and would abhor the fact that I would need to rely on DH to give me a monthly 'allowance' into my own personal bank account. THAT would make me feel like a submissive housewife, not having a joint email account!!!

For those of you against a joint email account, are you also against joint bank accounts ?

I can't believe people DON'T read each other's letters and emails.

As for privacy, I would never commit anything secret to screen or paper - far too paranoid.

YANBU - although perhaps you worded it a bit strongly

Completely agree with LOTBT's post of 09:40:49

I can't get my head round the idea of husbands and wives having the same email account, or reading each other's as a matter of course. A very close friend of mine does this, and I would never email her anything personal.

(Of course it is different if you just use email for admin and bills, but even then I could never imagine having a joint address. It just seems a bit cosy and smug. Sorry!)

Well I use my husband's email address-he doesnt!I originally set it up because he is so resistant to using the computer at all[he is 73]and I thought it would make him feel 'included'if it was his name on all the emails.It hasnt worked at all-if there is anything for him I read it to him and if he wants to send anything he writes it out in longhand and I send it.However I wouldnt have a clue how to get a second one now and I dont see the point anyway.We share everything else why not that?fwiw its my name first on most things but everything is joint.We have a marriage and a friendship not a business partnership.I'm no Stepford wife.

I suppose I am "a bit cosy and smug"in this instance.It's nice

Fair, enough pranma! I think it is to do with age as well, I know a couple in their very early 50s who share an account, and that seems a lot more understandable than a couple in their 20s or 30s.

Hope that doesn't sound too ageist, I think it's more to do with what Trillian said about younger generations having a different relationship to email.

YANBU

I don't feel as able to 'chat' in emails if i am sending to a joint address.

YABU

In many cases it is a throw back to the days when email accounts only allowed 1 address per IP address.

tracey - but how do you know that an email address that is in your friends' name isn't a joint one that her DH could also be reading.

There seems to be an assumption that if it's in the husband's name he's the one checking it.

Probably more the case that he's the account holder (you can only have one named account holder with many ISP's) and has used the "given" email.......and there's a good chance he may not even check the things.

Likewise it could the DW's name on the account and email........but the DH that checks them

I find it unlikely that none of you ever send an email whingeing about your partner to a friend. Or just have separate friendships entirely from those shared with your partner. Perhaps even exchange the occasional birthday greeting with an ex-boyfriend. (And before you start, I'm perfectly happy for my partner to gossip with his mates/exes too.)

But then I find it extremely odd that any woman would want to change her surname for some bloke's just because he's impregnated her, so I'm several steps away from the general trend here, I suspect.

ermm MI - I changed my surname to my blokes before he impregnated me - not because he did

And there is absolutely nothing stopping me sending emails to whoever I like or receiving them. In the same way he doesn't pick up my post off the table and read it he doesn't read emails that aren't for him. It's really not rocket science

"oh that's from x - that's DW's friend it's nothing to do with me so I won't click on it".........

By motherinferior on Wed 14-Oct-09 12:06:11 I find it unlikely that none of you ever send an email whingeing about your partner to a friend. Or just have separate friendships entirely from those shared with your partner. Perhaps even exchange the occasional birthday greeting with an ex-boyfriend. (And before you start, I'm perfectly happy for my partner to gossip with his mates/exes too.)

No, I never send friends email whinging about dh. I do it on facebook where he can see it and vice versa. its quite fun having a minbor domestic in public (and we both know it is only joking.

We do have separate email but I have full access to dh's for work purposes.

'So those of you who share an email...do you never want to buy a present online for your husband? I buy xmas and bday presents online for husband and they confirm stuff to my email address. I also might buy arrange a surprise trip etc...stuff that you, with the best of intentions, just don't want him to know about...what do you do? '

I ahve a sepaarte fil I can just move emails to that he doesn't read.

But honestly? It goesike this:

Aha! I know what DH would like for Christmas, its expensive but its worth it,can I find it online?Oh yes so I had better buy it....

(last year it was a Cobb)

big gob opens..., @Ooooh I just bought you Cobb, you'lllike that won't you... ber really nice....'

Or if I did manage to keep it a secret would be waste of time becuase inevitably as last year Cobb / gift arrives when he is in the house not me with a great big logo saying 'Cobb' on the parcel LOL

I use my husbands at the moment as mine is fecked we changed provider and needed to change e-mail and it wont let me on to it I'm dreading when I finally do get on as I'll probably have loads of e-mails as I've not been able to get on since about may.

'Tis really annoying when you're friends wth both husband and wife on the same e-mail address. Several of my old college friends married each other, and wouldn't know who I wanted to contact without opening the e-mail, so I feel that I can no longer e-mail anything very personal e.g. joint- addresses made things difficult organising surprise 40th birthday stuff this year...

Well, for all I know Mr Inferior's email day includes the same level of mild flirtation with work contacts that mine does. (I hope it does, frankly, he's a nice chap and deserves a bit of a spring in his step.) I'm happy to leave him in privacy. And for him to leave me in mine.

Just out of interest, what d'you do if you get emails from exes saying things like 'that bloke we used to go to the pub with has been very ill, I thought you might like to know'? I get quite a few of these. They really aren't any of DP's business.

I also find it v v wierd, but then we do have a house with more computers than people in.

But it's not quite as nausea inducing as the people I know who are "mothers name + child's name". I have a few of these around; they also send me emails asking me to come and play at 'child's' house. It's only a matter of time before I point out that said child is only three and does not own the house, and anyway I am coming to see the bloody grown ups not them.