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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think women who use their husband's email address are submissive stepford wives who don't have a life of their own?

371 replies

Picante · 14/10/2009 08:32

Seriously, is it that hard to work out how to get your own email address?

The ones that share are bad enough e.g. '[email protected]' or whatever, but I've seen quite a few that simply have the man's name as the email address.

Yes I know there are more important things to worry about, but come on ladies, this is 2009!

OP posts:
LadyoftheBathtub · 14/10/2009 09:57

I thought that post was Picante making a bit of a joke about the fact that she'd been overwhelmingly YABU'd.

alwayslookingforanswers · 14/10/2009 09:59

I'm rather p*ssed off that after nearly 5yrs of posting I'm still not a renowned MNer

thedollshouse · 14/10/2009 09:59

You are thinking way too much about something that really isn't important. We share an email address, sometimes when we send an email it sends it in dh's name and sometimes it sends it in my name (don't know why). Could probably change this but I don't know how and can't be arsed to find out.

ChunkyKitKat · 14/10/2009 10:01

I am a technophobe, but my dh has set up my own e-mail address for me!!

Our E-mails go into the same inbox.

I know people who don't read their e-mails, it is a waste of time trying to communicate in this way with them. It wouldn't worry me if an e-mail was via their husband if they read it and answer me, I hate e-mails being ignored, that is worse.

The political incorrectness of it washes over me, I don't care on this matter.

Bramshott · 14/10/2009 10:01

Yes, I always secretly think this!! I'm probably just being judgey though!

BloodshotEyeballs · 14/10/2009 10:01

Email to me are like letters or a diary. I have nothing to hide but I still like to have my own email and I wouldn't go into DH's unless he asked me to and vice versa. Business addresses are different. We both get a lot of emails though and use it all the time. Have to agree, a shared email address is odd. Sorry.

RubyrubyrubysAScaryOldBint · 14/10/2009 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChunkyKitKat · 14/10/2009 10:03

Geraldine - I am probably lazy also, just call myself a technophobe as an excuse.

alwayslookingforanswers · 14/10/2009 10:03

"Email to me are like letters or a diary. I have nothing to hide but I still like to have my own email and I wouldn't go into DH's unless he asked me to and vice versa"

So you wouldn't read a letter that he'd opened and left on the kitchen worktop then?

I don't see what's so different about a letter addressed to your DH sat in view at home that you could pick up and read (but presumably don't - although I'm opening all of DH's mail at the moment.....but for different reasons) to an email in your inbox that you could click on and read......but don't because it's private.

thedollshouse · 14/10/2009 10:05

One day I will get round to it but it is about number 999 on my list of things to do. Buying a sock divider for my drawers and sticking ds's 5 year old newborn baby photos in a scrapbook are ahead of changing my email address. Now I know it is a pet gripe of people I most likely won't even bother!

Original poster
Picante · 14/10/2009 10:05

Of course my 'renowned' post was tongue in cheek.

Blimey you lot this morning!

OP posts:
starbaby · 14/10/2009 10:08

So those of you who share an email...do you never want to buy a present online for your husband? I buy xmas and bday presents online for husband and they confirm stuff to my email address. I also might buy arrange a surprise trip etc...stuff that you, with the best of intentions, just don't want him to know about...what do you do?

LadyoftheBathtub · 14/10/2009 10:09

"Personally I think that far from being a Stepford Wife they are probably in an equal non-competitive relationship"

oo-er!

Personally I think people who like to have their own emails are in an equal relationship, respect each other's privacy and have their own life.

Also email-sharers should be aware that anyone can set up a secret private email account if they want to - some of these email-sharing types probably do. I know one married couple who share email at her insistence since she found out he had had two affairs. A bit of a lost cause since he can have a private one without her knowledge if he likes.

alwayslookingforanswers · 14/10/2009 10:11

confirmation emails are usually pdq at arriving - if you've ordered something then you're (ime) usually still at the computer when the email arrives. Print it off (I always print off confirmations of orders done online) - delete email, empty deleted items bin......he presto - no "sign" of the order .

thedollshouse · 14/10/2009 10:12

Starbaby, dh wouldn't go into the email unless he knew it was for him. He only checks the emails if he is expecting something anyway.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 14/10/2009 10:18

We have about 4 email addresses between us.

One shares our common name, the others are all individually named.

We each have access to all of them (except dh's work one which only he accesses).

Just because an account is in one name does not mean that only that person will read it. Similarly, just because an email account has both names, does not mean that both people will read everything.

Jasper - gnaw away

geraldinetheluckygoat · 14/10/2009 10:19

I do bother to use my own email if i am likeley to get confirmation of secret deliveries or of course if I am expecting filthy messages from my lover

dunno why I bother though as DH probably wouldnt notice, we have so much spam porn and viagra messages in our email inbox

Firawla · 14/10/2009 10:19

we have different addresses but comes to the same inbox in gmail, so we dont have to bother logging in and out - its better

gorionine · 14/10/2009 10:20

Picante, what do you make of people who have this sort of address then : [email protected] is it even qworse than [email protected]. As DH has is own work email adress I kept his old "personal" one wich has only his name on it. You would probably say I must be extreemly submissive but that is not the case, i am just incredibly lazy!

By LadyoftheBathtub on Wed 14-Oct-09 10:09:56
"Personally I think that far from being a Stepford Wife they are probably in an equal non-competitive relationship"

oo-er!

Personally I think people who like to have their own emails are in an equal relationship, respect each other's privacy and have their own life.

Well personnaly I think it might mean that both partners trust each other enough to not read emails that are not obviously for them (from sender's adress).Or have nothing to hide from eachother. But maybe it is not that common after all...

anonandlikeit · 14/10/2009 10:20

This is just so funny... why o why does it matter.
Actually I could change my email address, its not hard... but what would be difficult would be explaining why it was needed......

Maybe I could send an email

"Dear friend/colleague/boss/medical prof involved in ds2's care.... please could you amend all your records to note that I have now changed my email address, as I spend far tooooo much time on mumsnet & the kind ladies have convinced me that having my husbands name on my email account is an indicator of my submissive nature & I am very obviously I am a stepford wife with no life of my own...... Thank you for your very valuable time but in the name of equality & feminism the trusted posters of mumsnet felt it was essential"

What do you think...should i send it or would ds2's psych have me commited

alwayslookingforanswers · 14/10/2009 10:21

I'm still confused about this "privacy" thing where apparently not reading emails that aren't for you is so much harder than not reading post that's not for you and has been left on the table where you can access it.......

RubyrubyrubysAScaryOldBint · 14/10/2009 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gorionine · 14/10/2009 10:22

LOL@ anonandlikeit!

Good point alwayslookingforanswers.

bamboobutton · 14/10/2009 10:29

i'm going to say YANBUish.

my friend shares an email and messenger address with her dh. i never contact her on these in case her dh reads our private emails so i just contact her through facebook.

she definitly wears the trousers in that relationship though so she can't be called a wilting stepford wife.

alana39 · 14/10/2009 10:29

Like most people I know we share a home email, but then we both have our own work email accessible from home so what does it matter?