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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think women who use their husband's email address are submissive stepford wives who don't have a life of their own?

371 replies

Picante · 14/10/2009 08:32

Seriously, is it that hard to work out how to get your own email address?

The ones that share are bad enough e.g. '[email protected]' or whatever, but I've seen quite a few that simply have the man's name as the email address.

Yes I know there are more important things to worry about, but come on ladies, this is 2009!

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 14/10/2009 23:26

not everyone keeps their phone in their pocket/handbag all the time - some people actually take it out - even if it's just to charge it.

scottishmummy · 14/10/2009 23:29

dear god do people have shared mobiles?what next stick a post it note on your heads saying "we are together" just in case the email account didn't do the trick

alwayslookingforanswers · 14/10/2009 23:30

no - I don't know anyone that has a shared mobile these days (again we used to - it was a cost thing).

But I think you're naieve to think that a text to someone's personal mobile is "safer" in terms of privacy than an email to a shared inbox/email account.

You only need to look on MN relationship to see how many DW's have checked their OH's phones and found "x,y,z" message on them........and I don't suppose the stats are much different for men looking at women's phones.

TheIggorcist · 14/10/2009 23:30

Not sure what your point is alwayslooking. Obviously a partner could choose to have a sneaky read of your mobile, but if it pops up on your joint email, it would be hard to complain if they read it.

alwayslookingforanswers · 14/10/2009 23:32

I'd bloody well complain if DH read my emails - as would he if he read mine!

email, text message, snail mail - the principle is the same - if it's not yours don't go nosing.

If you can't trust them not to read your emails I'm not sure how you can trust them not to read your post or text messages.

scottishmummy · 14/10/2009 23:35

get your own account then he cant read your email

TheIggorcist · 14/10/2009 23:37

But (and I'm running away after this to check DP's phone) they're NOT "your" emails if they are sent jointly, anymore than a card addressed to "Mr&Mrs" is only to be opened by one of them!

alwayslookingforanswers · 14/10/2009 23:37

FGS how many times do I have to say I HAVE MY OWN ACCOUNT - THE ENTIRE VIRGIN PACKAGE IS IN MY NAME HIS NAME IS NOT IN THE EMAIL ADDRESS

and he doesn't read my emails, I don't read his. I don't read his text messages, he doesn't read mine, I do read his mail.......but there are reasons for that that are agreed upon.

alwayslookingforanswers · 14/10/2009 23:38

yes they are - I can see at a glance which ones are for me and which ones are for him. And oh poo I forgot to tell him he's got 2 emails sat waiting for him and he's gone to bed now.

TheIggorcist · 14/10/2009 23:40

So you must conclude it's a source of matrimonial disharmony then, he will be with you in the morning

alwayslookingforanswers · 14/10/2009 23:41

nah he won't mind he's used to it - not sure he was up to answering emails tonight anyhow.

alwayslookingforanswers · 14/10/2009 23:42

and besides - even if he had his own email account that they'd come into he wouldn't have seen them as he hasn't been on the computer today

defineme · 15/10/2009 00:01

Dh just didn't have a mobile. If we were out and he needed to make a call he'd use mine, if he was on his own he just found a phone.On the rare occasion he went out and it would be useful he'd take mine.
So yes I shared my mobile with him because you know we share -just like you tell the kids to.

The email thing to me is just like the fact I wear his old tshirt to bed - he doesn't use email at home so the account he set up years ago shortly after we met has become mine - not that I do anything particularly private on it. Can't be arsed to change it because I assume I'll have to tell all the many many companies I shop online with(aversion to actual shopping) that I have changed it and I thought that might take more than 5 minutes.

You know I think a lot of you that care about this just like being on top of things -no bad thing but I don't think being laid back is akin to being a surrendered wife nor do I think being a couple that shares technology or indeed all our respective money or the children that we spend all our money on is in opposition to my feminist ideals.

I also think that you think that people use technology more than they actually do - some of us do jobs that mean we're not emailing//phoning/texting and some of us(like my dh) don't want to use them and also don't communicate with friends using them - landlines and face to face instead.

Your way is different to mine end of.

Quattrocento · 15/10/2009 00:05

A properly submissive stepford wife would have no use for email - her husband would do all that manly stuff. She would be busy cooking dinner, putting the children to bed at 6pm so that her husband can enjoy some quality time in the evenings, folding the towels just so and arranging flowers.

alwayslookingforanswers · 15/10/2009 00:07

quatro - DH put the DS's to bed, fed them dinner and tidied the kitchen tonight (not in that order ) - does that make him a stepford husband

WebDude · 15/10/2009 00:10

"email address takes two minutes to set up. There really is no excuse for not having your own."

There doesn't need to be any "excuse" though, as for some people there's positively NO NEED for a separate mail address.

Seems incredible that some assume that "just because you can, you have to" have your own mail address.

As it happens, I have around a dozen mail accounts on Gmail, Fastmail, Runbox and so on (plus hundreds of other mail addresses), oh, and a half dozen phones too - and no, I don't have multiple personalities, nor do I 'talk to myself'

alwayslookingforanswers · 15/10/2009 00:12

haha WebDude - I'm going to head up to bed now with a lovely vision of you talking to yourself on all your phones and email addresses

Quattrocento · 15/10/2009 00:19

at FAQ.

Webdude, that sounds terribly sinister. Are you the author of multiple scamming emails? Is it you who's been trying to sell me viagra?

WebDude · 15/10/2009 00:20

Well said, mrsruffallo - puzzling, quite, quite, puzzling. But then again, if you don't use Facebook, and feel only twits use Twitter, you're part of the "unsocial" element that dear youngsters probably judge to be "old farts"

alwayslookingforanswers · 15/10/2009 00:21

I reckon he's the one responsible for that phishing attack on gmail/hotmail/yahoo

goodnight - despite it being my lie in (poor stepford DH getting up with them all in the morning) I stil have to be up early as I have to endure attend DS2's harvest service first thing.

WebDude · 15/10/2009 00:33

No, Quattro - just like to do my own trials of services, and use features where they are offered cheaply, or for free.

For example, when clients e-mail me, a copy of their mail goes off to one of my Orange mobile mail addresses and I get an SMS alert, so if I'm not near one of my (several) PCs, I can at least be aware that there might be a chance of new work, or a problem needing to be sorted out...

Asda PAYG is the cheapest, Virgin Mobile has free voicemail, so incoming calls on VM, outgoing on Asda, Three for my internet link (but never for text or voice, don't yet have a mobile to speak into o Three, though they do offer Skype, so am considering it!)

I would never depend on an ISP mail address, because I've tried quite a number of ISPs since first getting ADSL in 2000, and know the 'addressbook' problems that others have sometimes prevents them from considering a change of ISP because that "free" mail address is actually a millstone. I had an ISP mail address once (before the web-based services were running) but after 8 years that ISP (near Boston, USA) was bought up by a major cable network from Chicago, and they wiped out that mail address).

I use several GMail accounts because I manage around 100 domains (for clients) and it helps me keep track of billing and other matters by splitting things up a bit.

As for spam, I'd love the governments of the world to have a joint crackdown on it - 85% of all e-mail is spam, and every mail server would be working so much faster without that junk filling the pipes.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 15/10/2009 09:21

Scottishmummy - dh often needs help to get on and off the bus. What has that got to do with anything?

I usually buy him multi-packs of boxers (single/designer ones are too expensive). He doesn't ever go near any shops and hates them. So that will, no doubt, be one of his christmas presents again

I would never have done anything as crass as announcing my pregnancy to everyone by email. We did it face to face or by phone call or word of mouth. Although, I think, I announced the dcs arrivals to some people by email just for expediency and because I was a bit busy at the time!

Before broadband, accessing more than one email account was quite expensive using dial-up (we've only had broadband for a couple of years).

If anyone who knew us in rl thought I was being described as a 'Stepford Wife', they would laugh their arses off

RubyrubyrubysAScaryOldBint · 15/10/2009 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

midnightexpress · 15/10/2009 09:55

Your choice of MN talk name also interesting Scottishmummy - what does that tell us about you? that you're subjugating your personality by referring to yourself as 'the Dcs' mummy'? Nope. Just as whatever bloody email address someone chooses to have or not have tells you diddly squat about who they are.

UnquietDad · 15/10/2009 09:58

But would people who find shared email boxes normal ever consider sharing a phone? It's funny how one seems normal and the other weird.

I don't think the letter box/ letter analogies really work. Of course we don't have separate letter boxes on the house, but I respect the fact that DW's letters come addressed to her, and she respects that mine come addressed to me. Once when I opened one of hers by mistake (because the initial wasn't clear) I apologised. She wasn't bothered, of course, but I thought it was important.