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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry that my MIL started to wean my 2.5 month old on a chocolate doughnut?!

134 replies

thisxgirl · 11/10/2009 18:51

I imagine I'm not.

He was 3 weeks early so I don't plan to wean him until he is 5 months at least but, while holding him this evening, she reached over to grab one of my DP's chocolate iced doughnuts and encouraged my baby to lick the chocolate off!

DP went mad at her - his first food should be carrot or pear not artificial chocolate-flavoured icing - and she was saying to my baby, "oh daddy's mean, isn't it! You enjoyed that didn't you? I'll have to get you some chocolate buttons. It didn't do your daddy any harm!"

Yeah, great idea, wean a 10 weeks old baby on sugar

OP posts:
ChunkyKitKat · 11/10/2009 20:38

Agree with Scottishmummy - but I would have been exactly the same with my ds (first baby).

Granny's tend to be set in their ways, my mum was always on about sticking them on the potty at 2 months.

diddl · 11/10/2009 20:45

I think there may have been an overreaction-but did our mothers wean us at 2.5 months?

Also the "mean daddy" bit.

FGS-there´s plenty of time for granny to be treating her grandchild to chocolate!

Why can´t she enjoy him being a baby?

seaglass · 11/10/2009 21:12

When my DC3 was about 10 weeks old, we'd gone for an ice cream with the other dc's - he was on my knee and launched himself at my chocolate ice cream, got latched on, and inhaled half of it before I could prise him off.
He's now 4, has no allergies, weaned fine onto carrot/pear with no withdrawal for choccy.
I wouldn't worry about it

seaglass · 11/10/2009 21:13

And I meant to add, my sil weaned her ds at 4 months onto blended McDonalds
I really don't think a little bit of chocolate icing will matter in the long run.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 11/10/2009 21:20

seaglass I agree (like your name, BTW)

verbatim · 11/10/2009 21:35

You are getting overexcited.

kitkatqueen · 11/10/2009 21:36

OP, You are within your rights to be pissed off and personally I would make a big deal of it to MIL just to make sure that she does realise its your baby your rules.

I don't think that the lick will have done any harm but I also know how angry it can make you feel when someone does something like that without any thought for the consequences or whether it might upset you.

My dc3 was caught the other day sharing his drink with dc4, all very kind but dc4 is 7 weeks and sole b/fed. I can't be angry with him because at 22 months he thought he was being nice, your MIL should know better. Its still very annoying tho!

Put her on the naughty step if she does it again, fifty ish minutes might reinforce that its not her descision to make

Flum · 11/10/2009 21:37

Its really not that big a deal. You will only be in charge of your dc's diet for tops 1/6th of their expected life

chegirlknowswhereyoulive · 11/10/2009 21:45

YANBU to be annoyed. It wont have done lasting harm to your baby but that is not really the point.
She shouldnt have done it.

She probably reacted the way she did due to your DP going mad though. Most mums are not going to back down when yelled at.

I fostered my DS before adopting him. I used to take him to see his birth mum 4 times a week. (note I took him she did not get off her arse but thats another story). We would usually meet in McDonalds or similar as she didnt tend to turn up unless there was some sort of 'treat' in the offing. She would regularly feed him chips, burger, chocolate, milkshake etc including salt, sugar etc. This was from when he was 8 weeks old.

It used to drive me mad but there was feck all I could do about it. Poor little bugger had (and still has) the worse eczema you have ever seen.

(disclaimer - I am not a professional foster carer, this was a family placement)

tearinghairout · 11/10/2009 21:50

YANBU. I would have had steam coming out of my ears. Agree with kitkatqueen - let her know who's boss (you!) and that things are going to be done your way. She's a silly woman.

busybutterfly · 11/10/2009 21:51

YABU - she's his granny and that's what they're there for!

SCARYspicemonster · 11/10/2009 21:51

Ooh I like the naughty step idea! One minute for each year of her life. That'll learn her

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 11/10/2009 21:53

But the OP would be even sillier to get into a prolonged slanging match over this.

scottishmummy · 11/10/2009 22:03

look this show her who boss,is confrontational and will escalate

chill out a bit.if you up the stakes and get all my baby my way.there lies sure fire

i dont want to busrt the perfect bubble but grannies do hteir own sweet thing. much as i leave outr lil organic nibbles and handmade meals - i know when my back is turned it is fried tattie scone,jam, crisps

not worth major aggro

i presume at some point you and dh want a night out and mil babysit.well trust me, she will again do her own sweet thing when your absent

but globally does she love dd?is she nice lady?if so then live with and grimace about her foibles

kitkatqueen · 11/10/2009 22:03

I disagree olkn, this incident will set the precedent. I'm not suggesting that the op has a massive row with her MIL but I think at this point its important that her MIL realises that it is not her child and no matter how much she loves her Grandchild they are just that, her Grandchild. She really shouldn't expect that she can give things to her 10 week grandchild without checking, obviously once they are older its not such a big deal, but giving children this young food of any kind is a very emotive issue.

If it were to keep happening then it would cause a rift between them, better to sort the issue now and move on.

kitkatqueen · 11/10/2009 22:06

sm have u been on the booze? Ive never seem one of your posts look like that before

jemart · 11/10/2009 22:09

Yabu - standard granny stuff really, you are over reacting.

missjackson · 11/10/2009 22:16

Yanbu - your baby, your way. Of course a lick of chocolate won't hurt, but that's not the point - it's undermining to you and destroys your trust in her to look after your baby in the way you believe is best.

I don't buy all this innocent kindly granny shit - my MIL does stuff like this with a laugh because she knows it upsets me. Yes, my fb is p to me, but why not? I hope if and when I am a MIL, I will remember how it feels on the other side.

Romanarama · 11/10/2009 22:16

yanbu at all. I got very cross with my mum for doing this with my niece/strawberry ice cream. She thought it was really amusing, and I thought sil would rightly be livid. Apart from anything first meals are surely a parents' prerogative.

scottishmummy · 11/10/2009 22:23

don't pontificate and overstate this or its impact.grannies bend the rules- fact.unlikely to irrevocably damage child.given you it's parents are major care givers and food prepared

Jesus wept.keep in perspective and accept grannies are a law unto themselves

as i said we leave organic home made dinners etc. granny has her own notion of treats eg sweeties,ginger.

get entrenched about something that really matters

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 11/10/2009 22:25

Look, I can understand why new mums are upset about this, but I can also see that some MILs will do such things just to wind you up. It's not big and it's not clever, but it's human to take the piss a bit if you're being excessively PFB about things.

I wouldn't, partly because I see how upset some others get, and partly because, when it came to discussing weaning with my DS and his GF, it turned out the Other Granny had already got them crumbling rusk into DGC's bottle at under two months while I was still twittering on about government guidelines and weaning at 6 months... (so much for MILs being crap, huh?)

But really, in the long run, it is very unlikely to actually matter very much. Your children have thousands of meals ahead of them, thousands of tastes and textures to encounter, not all of them strictly edible. Believe me, you won't even remember this when you're worried about your PFB being 12 and out too late at night.

scottishmummy · 11/10/2009 22:30

yep,in bigger picture of rebellion,tantrums (and that's just you) this is no biggie. i appreciate we are all idealistic and focussed when we have baby but a licked donut does not undo love and nurturing

stewing about a licked donut, and ascribing it too much significance is a waste of time

pick your battles
plenty ahead of you

haha wait til potty training is raised

DuelingFANGo · 11/10/2009 22:31

"Grandmothers like to treat their grandchilden, and chocolate is the ultimate treat for many. "

but any person who gives a 2.5 month old baby chocolate is a bit nuts, no. Even as a one off lapse it's a pretty un-educated and stupid thing to do. IMO.

Or are there people out there who do give things like chocolate to babies this young?

scottishmummy · 11/10/2009 22:35

the baby licked a donut,not chocolate by subterfuge or force feed krispy kreme

some "oh very my gosh" being attributed here

fuck it,have MIL taken away and shot.heartless ole moo.she's a bad un

that will teach her

DuelingFANGo · 11/10/2009 22:40

I don't think that the mother in law should be strung up, but at least acknowledge that it's a stupid thing to do. She should, but by the sounds of it she (the MIL) thinks it's a perfectly normal thing to do and would do it again given the chance despite seeing how upset the OP and her DH were by it. I mean, even though her son told her how mad they were over it she still went on about getting some chocolate buttons.

Am sure the OP is worried now about her MIL not respecting her DH's wishes in the future.

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