to ask for seperate Christmas and Birthday presents for my child?

[Doodleydoo]

My DC was born v. close to Christmas and it breaks my heart to think that she might not be able to enjoy her birthday as a special day because of the ocnfusion of xmas. Last year her DGP gave her for her birthday the same thing they gave their other DGC as a present that they had brought back from holiday. Felt slightly peeved - but that is my problem! However DGP is suggesting that a joint xmas/birthday present of same thing other DGC got for their birthday which is earlier in the year. I know it is probably me being jealous but don't want this to start being a regular thing as I think it is unfair to distinguish between the 2DGC for a start and set a precident that DC birthday is combined with xmas every year.

I know must get over the jealousy myself, and that in the years when I was small I sometimes got a joint bday/xmas present but it was when I was much older and understood.

How do I broach the subject without being told I am a spoilt cow - which I hope I am not.

Feenie, doesn't it just! is DN the product of FIL daughter by any chance?

Just ask as I know there is the mother/daughter bond thing but things should be equal especially if the children are together when opening the presents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My DN got 2 v expensive b day presents in June (I know as helped to find them for MIL) and what MIL is suggesting as joint xmas and bday present if half of what one of the presents is (generous still I know) . Think its the double standards that really irrirate me! I come from quite a large family and within a few pounds we have always been treated the same regardless of our financial situations - it is just more fair that way,. However MIL doesn't see this I think

YANBU!

No no no to joint Christmas/birthday presents! Please say something now before it becomes just 'what we always do'.

(Mine's near Christmas too.)

my FIL and his wife are absolutely lovely with our kids they never forget their birthdays or Christmas's they live 450 miles away and yes BIL'S son does get more than ours as they live close by but whenever we visit my kids are given far too much, however MIL lives 2 streets away never visits and my kids aged 18,15 and almost 14 have had 6 birthday cards/presents between them eldest was 18 in the summer and she almost sent the card and £5 note back.SIL's daughter is spoiled by both her mother and granny my family treat all the kids equally.

No - FIL has just three sons, one my dh and one the father of my niece.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that has issues with the whole Birthday/Xmas thing.
Makes me feel almost normal.

I am a Christmas baby as well and often got "joint" Christmas and birthday presents, even sometimes from my parents. My birthday is just after Christmas so I used to get my present on Christmas day and then nothing on my birthday. Also often the "joint" present was no different from what my siblings got as their Christmas present.

It still annoys me now as it just made me feel like my birthday was really not important. I also used to get joint Christmas and birhtday cards, in other words a Christmas card with a happy birthday message scribbled inside. That made me so !

It's not about the cost, its about feeling that people care about the birthday. I would definitely nip it in the bud now.

We have 4 birthdays (2 adults 2 kids)immediately after Xmas. It is crippling when you are already struggling to do Xmas for your own family.

I buy the presents sometimes together, sometimes separately. If they are separate I use appropriate wrapping paper. If they are joint I write clearly that they are for Christmas and Birthday.

I don't do it intentionally just depends on how flush I am at the time. I really don't look forward to it at all. If it was at another time of the year I would enjoy it more but at Christmas it feels like a chore.

YANBU - I insist on separate gifts for DS (8/12). He still sometimes gets them wrapped in Xmas wrapping paper though.....

YANBU - my birthday is three weeks before Christmas. My parents always gave me a couple of crappy presents because they 'couldn't afford' better ones. Then my brother's birthday in March he'd get the works. When you're young that kind of thing bothers you a lot. Why shouldn't your daughter get a birthday present AND a christmas present? They are two separate events, even if they are close together. i think people who give a 'combined' present are just being cheap.

DS Birthday is 11 days before Xmas, and I just mentioned to my family that it's important to me to separate birthday and christmas. One day is all his, the other day is for the whole family.

I keep the Xmas decs in the box until the saturday before Christmas. Of course we do the advent calendar. Tho this year I'm intending to make my own, so I can incorporate his birthday into it. So he can see that there are 2 special days in December. He'll be 4 this year, so is beginning to understand. Last year he got to the first week of the New year, took himself off to his room, sat down and said, can we open some more presents now... and i think he asked the day after, if we were going to have any more presents..

I'm going to make Easter a little more special though, so he doesn't have all year to wait then it all come at once. I'll get him his summer clothes for presents for example.

So my advice to OP, don't be too mercenary and tell people, I don't want you combining gifts, unless they bring it up. If they do, just say, no, I would like to keep the 2 days separate and special.

In this particular instance, When any hint of a gift conversation comes up, seize your chance and point out, gently, that your DC got an all in one christmas, birthday and brought back from holiday gift and the other child got separate presents. State that it's perhaps not an issue at this age, but it will be once they are able to talk and compare. Try and get them to nip it in the bud sooner rather than later.

Tell them that it is a seperate day. I am a Christmas baby and hated (and still) do getting joint presents.

DS2 was a New Years Day baby. He's only 1 this year, so I don't care about presents, but I have laid the law down about his party - you WILL come, you WILL not moan about your hangover and you will ENJOY YOURSELF. [/bossy] I shall lay on Andrews and Resolve.

I worry about my DS as he'll be 2 on the 7th of January and people are always fed up with shopping and food and parties the first week of Jan so I think he'll always be short changed!

I want people to understand that he deserves to have as much fuss made of him on his one special day as everyone else gets!

My DP is 7th January. He knows that everybody is too knackered/ hungover/ skint to make a fuss and he doesn't care really.

On the present issue, it's a hard one. When kids have bdays near xmas, I think it's up to the parents to make sure that the bday stands alone and is celebrated properly, but I don't think you have any 'right' to expect anybody else to do the same.

You can mention it conversationally, and lead by example etc, but at the end of the day nobody has to give anybody anything, and while kids have an extremely finely tuned fairness antenna, adults have their own lives to worry about and may simply not see it as an issue.

So hint, ask gently by all means but in the final analysis it's only you that is really responsible for celebrating your DCs bday the way you think it should be done.

Does she have a 'name day'most names do unless they are very modern?You could celebrate that as a birthday for the other family members or her Christening[or alternative]day if she had one.Or you could suggest that as you understand the expense associated with Christmas maybe DGP could buy present for birthday early and put it away.I have a dgs bday on 22nd Dec and his sister is 5th Dec-they both have bithday parties and separate presents for Christmas.Honestly some Grandparents just dont 'get it' do they.I have 9 dgc.6 are steps and 3 arent but they are all equally in my heart,all have equal pressies and being a grandma is the best thing ever imho.

My DD2 will be 1 on the 19th so have read this thread with interest - will definitely do the tree after her birthday and will also put a stop to any requests to do joint presents as although it won't bother her this year it sounds like it may do in the future! A good idea to maybe do a few small pressies and then vouchers so can get her something in the summer. It's really useful to hear views of all those with Xmas birthdays. Am May myself so hadn't really given it much thought.

DS2 was born on 12 days before Christmas. DS1 was born in early June. We used to spend Christmasses with the ex-in-laws and without fail, from age two onwards (they came down to us to celebrate his first birthday), ds1 would get his birthday presents on Christmas Eve. The following morning, he'd unwrap some fairly half-hearted presents - in comparison to his brother.

Now I detest, detest, detest, people who think they or their dcs deserve anything in the way of presents and then whinge when things don't come up to their standards. But the PIL would have thought me quite unhinged if I'd suggested they combined ds1's June birthday with Christmas. Ironically one of their own children had been born on Christmas Eve and they were careful to make sure BIL's birthday didn't get swamped by Christmas!

When ds2 was very small, I didn't find two days of present giving very helpful either since he'd get over-excited on Christmas Eve when the first set arrived and could usually be guaranteed be ludicrously OTT by Christmas morning - way beyond the usual OTT expectations of children at Christmas! So I used to discreetly hold presents back.

I'd like to say this ever got resolved but it didn't. We just made sure Christmas was kept out of our house until after ds1's birthday and he became philosophical about his grandparents' determination to combine the two events.

Sorry, first paragraph should read "ds2 would get his birthday presents on Christmas Eve".

late late late, but I have this with two family members. Dh is early Jan and DD is 4 days before Christmas. Dh insists that DD's birthday will always be rubbish unless we intervene so, barring this first one, henceforth we will be celebrating her half-birthday with cake and a party in July instead.

Growing up Dh's parents always combined his presents, and had a tendency to donate 'in your name' to a charity-of-their-choosing in lieu of Christmas presents, so his siblings got birthday presents and DH got diddly, a practice that he resents to this day.

Apparently half-birthdays are getting more popular for Christmas babies.

I haven't read all the posts, but being a Chrsitmas 'baby' myself, (as is DD but not quite as close) I don't think you're being unreasonable at all!

I was always given joint Xmas & B'day presents growing up, and hated my b'day until I was about 18!!

I alos used to get birthday presents wrapped in xmas paper and remember several cards that began 'Dear Astrid, Happy Christ Birthday'

Hated it.

my dd is 31/12 she's 3 , we always clear away the xmas decorations in 1 room & put all her birthday decorations & have her party in that room , so far she has always received separate presents , yanbu - i would be really sad for dd if her presents were combined .

I just wanted to point out to everyone - I know presents aren't compulsory at all from anyone, but I am afraid that having not had any surviving grandparents whilst friends did when I was small - I think it is important for them to be made to feel special.

I always felt I missed out on that, not the presents. what I do hate is one DGC being made to feel "the most" special whilst the other isn't. It might not be important now but it will make doing things all together in the future very very difficult and doesn't set up good relations between the cousins at all (well we have yet to see that don't we but would imagine its a possibility!)

I think I am going to broach it softly softly and if the hint is not got I might take my MIL aside and say something - only prob is she won't be alone with me so never get the opportunity and am too polite to as infront of others! Maybe she is scared of me - how uncharitable to jump in the air with glee!

To all xmas babies, I am so glad that I want to differentiate between the 2 days as every other baby born for the rest of the year is allowed to. That is what is important to me, I am sure there will always be some who will do the joint presents but DH Parents I think should ask before assuming that the two of us are ok with it. I wonder if MIL would do the same if it was the other way around and her DD child was born near xmas? That is all I am asking for and it seems that IANBU from the majority, so thank you so much!

DS's birthday is a week before Xmas, and we try to keep them separate by not putting any decorations up until after it. However, seeing as his school rehearses their Xmas play from about now onwards, making cards in the weeks leading up, and often his year's Xmas party being ON his birthday, it is very difficult. Not to mention Xmas gifts appearing on shops from September, but that's another issue...

However, people have always been good about giving presents for each occasion and not combining them. I hope they do listen if you talk to them about it and stress how important it is to you that your DS has a special day to himself like the other GC do.

Doodleydoo, our decision to celebrate half-birthdays doesn't really have to do with presents. It's more about having a special day for DD to celebrate. Her birthday is close enough to Christmas that her friends will be gone on holiday or already have Christmas parties to attend.

TBH we don't care if her grandparents combine birthday/Christmas presents (though, if we send out enough announcements/pictures after the fact about what a good times we had they might cotton on that we are celebrating then).

We want DD to have a party that feels special and are willing to be flexible about the actual date.

Perhaps keep some small presents that you know your DD will enjoy in reserve and then if she receives a present that is exactly the same you can give a reserve present to her grandparents to give to her? Perhaps mentioning that she was sad when some other unnamed relative combined birthday and Christmas presents and you have had reserve presents just in case...

It's a bit passive-aggressive, but it solves the problem of your DC not getting a separate present, while communicating to her grandparents in no uncertain terms that you/she would prefer separate presents - also letting them save face.

Half birthdays rock I think for the future! Then we can do something in the park (and won't have so much housework to do to tidy pre party and post party!- selfish yes but practical too!)

No I agree, the presents aren't the important bit its the special day aspect. But I still think that if you do for 1DGC you should try and do for the other - not always monetarily but there are so many other things that MIL does for and with the other DGC and I suppose in combination it gets my goat a little bit. If I asked I would drop all so my lo could also be involved in those moments, we are only 1 hour away and have a car so am happy to do that but we always only find out after the fact which is sad and makes me currently feel unwelcome in the family and don't want DD to feel the same way I do. I suppose that is just the difficulty in marriage - you marry DH don't you without vetting the IL and when it can go slightly sour regardless of what you do you can feel sad. I guess my OP was more about that issue too and DD being made a fuss of rather than overly spoilt. E.G you can't offer to always look after one DGC and never the other, we have had a situation when MIL v uncharitable about being asked if she could have DD when had an urgent last minute work thing - I know again not compulsory but does give free childcare 4 days a week to other DGC.

Any way c'est la vie and that is my problem.