to ask for seperate Christmas and Birthday presents for my child?

[Doodleydoo]

My DC was born v. close to Christmas and it breaks my heart to think that she might not be able to enjoy her birthday as a special day because of the ocnfusion of xmas. Last year her DGP gave her for her birthday the same thing they gave their other DGC as a present that they had brought back from holiday. Felt slightly peeved - but that is my problem! However DGP is suggesting that a joint xmas/birthday present of same thing other DGC got for their birthday which is earlier in the year. I know it is probably me being jealous but don't want this to start being a regular thing as I think it is unfair to distinguish between the 2DGC for a start and set a precident that DC birthday is combined with xmas every year.

I know must get over the jealousy myself, and that in the years when I was small I sometimes got a joint bday/xmas present but it was when I was much older and understood.

How do I broach the subject without being told I am a spoilt cow - which I hope I am not.

Money aside (I know am being UR about the financial side but can be grating if you read my pre posts!) it is good to know that IANBU with my request.

Will ask DH to talk to IL for me, and then may casually slip it into conversation when next see. If goes down like a ton of bricks then will just shut up and put up and get a small prezzie myself for DC and "pretend" from GP, if together might make them feel a little ashamed but don't want to start all out war so might do it alone!

It must be horrid for a child to get one set of presents throughout the year when all friends get two lots (if lucky I know financial and can't expect it etc etc) and actually for me planning DC xmas and birthday presents find it so difficult as toys of one age don't suit for the rest of the year etc. But quite often get a little treat for her in the supermarket if feel she is growing out of her toys, and she has a great great brilliant aunt who is divorced and has 3 v spoilt children who quite often passes on toys that are no longer used to us so she is by no way neglected. In fact have so far found other people are so generous and haven't made it a joint present, but GP I think should make an effort. As mine are good in years to come DC is probably going to resent other GP and it won't be anything to do with me.
Agree in the future though if big present required a joint one is fine, and have no problem with the whole family chipping in (often do it for my bros/sis) and then get a tiny silly present to open on the day which I do think is fair enough. (all family bought DS a "vanity table" for xmas and bday - lots of us so didn't end up being what I would have usually spent on her - so got her a picture frame to put on it and it was very much appreciated!)

The problem with joint presents for xmas/bday is that if you have a bday say in July then some times people forget that you have already had a present so give an extra one! Those are very lucky people!

BTW to anyone who thinks could have planned better - took 3 years to make DC and so didn't care at the time!

YANBU

ds1's birthday is 11th dec so no Christmas decs etc put up until after that

mine is the 24th and my parents had two trees, one in the front room a 'Christmas tree' and one in the dining room a 'Birthday tree'. My friends were all envious that I had a 'special' birthday tree (which was a cheap artificial one but I didn't care) . No joint present until I was much older and specifically asked for one!

On the other hand no one forgets my birthday but my brothers which is in the middle of the summer holidays is often forgotten!

We have loads of December birthdays in our family - and on both sides - and no joint presents .

YANBU at all. And when you have your little chat try to get in the wrapping in birthday paper thing. You won't get a second chance!

Actually re wrapping am a little guilty myself! BUT would like to point out not for DC! I always over buy at xmas time but do so sensibly = red/silver/non specific xmas - and then wrap all presents for the rest of the year in remaining paper. Crap but environmentally friendly!

My sister's birthday was the 23rd December my mum and dad insisted with family and friends that it was SEPERATE presents until sister was old enough to ask for large combined presents. Christmas started Christmas Eve with everyone there to help with tree, last of shopping and start of festivities etc. As a child this made it more fun - any early dad would have been at work. This still pretty much the pattern I use now.
Also as children get older they notice that GP/auntie/etc couldn't be bother to get them a present for their birthday. I got very miffed when my birthday present (Nov birthdy)and everyone else's didn't arrive until March. Even though GP in question had brought Christmas presents for us all with her to Christmas dinner(at our house!!!!!!!!)

In my family we have birthdays on the 17th the 26th and the 31st of Dec,all seperate present.

we have 8, 10 and 23 dec in our family.
we are here, jesus isn't...we get good birthday pressies and token xmas pressies

YANBU my dh birthday is 22nd Dec and he has a real issue with his parents in particular giving him joint presents/birthday presents wrapped in christmas paper etc - it is not the materialistic issue but the fact that they could not be bothered to separate the two celebrations (he has other issues with his parents but this remains one of the things that really upsets him even now).

He will be 40 this year and mil has already asked if she should do a joint cake ie half birthday cake and half christmas cake - dh nearly exploded with pent up rage when she asked - some people never learn I guess.

My birthday is on New Years Eve and my parents always insisited that I had two lots of presents. My mum always maintained that it was not my fault that I was born on NYE and therefore I should have two lots of presents.
As I got older I did, from time to time, have a joint present if I wanted something "big", but it was my choice. This year I will be 40 and have told DH that I want LOTS of presents!
As to how you approach the other issue, that is a bit more tricky. I think you are just going to say it straight. Maybe use my mum's line of "it's not DC fault they were born close to Christmas". Good Luck

It's tricky, isn't it - My DD's b'day is Christmas Day. At the moment she's too little to notice who gets her what (not yet 2) and I feel for the most part that she has enough toys etc so it's not a big deal when people do joint presents. Having said that the different treatment for each DGC does seem a bit unfair so perhaps a very gentle "we're just a concerned that as DD has a b'day so close to xmas that it will be a bit less special so we're trying to encourage ppl to get separate gifts even if they are just small things".

We give DD a half birthday in the summer though, I think it's less about the presents and more about giving them a day when they feel really special.

Having said all that YANBU, I think you're completely within your rights to say something but also don't worry too much about your DD, she obviously has a lot of love from her parents and she'll grow up knowing that birthday/xmas presents aside!

thank you somethinganything. I agree about the toys as I have previously said its not about the presents and toys etc because she doesn't miss out from friends/family/godparents and us!

But do want her to feel special as you say which is the most important thing and which I am not sure IL do to the same extent.

Really hope your lo has a wonderful 2nd birthday - half year is a great idea as you can do something outside to celebrate - park/garden etc which is more difficult in winter.

Thank you mummy's for all your good advice to assume all mummy'/female! Sleep Well!

Hi this is something Ive always wondered about as my DD will be 2 on 25th Dec!!!! I like the idea of no xmas tree till after the birthday (But that wont work for us).

What I plan to do is expect people to give her one present for both, but I will always go out of my way to make sure as she gets older and realises birthdays etc that I will give her a birthday treat seperately maybe xmas evening with a nice tea etc. She will have her special day celebrated just for her.

We have about eight December birthdays i our family, including 24th, 25th and 26th December. 99% of the time we give separate cards and gifts, wrapped in the correct paper. Occasionally we have given a 'joint' gift, but only when we have genuinely spent birthday and Christmas present money on one item, such as a special piece of jewellery for example. I would have to say something. It is not just that she is being given only one present, but that what she is being given for her 'joint' present, is only half of what the others are getting. Whilst I don't neccessarily think you have to spend the same amount to the penny, I do think that to only spend half the amount is a bit tight.

One of my friends had a similar problem with her children and eventually asked everyone to give money to all three children for birthday and Christmas. She used to save it in an account and after the last birthday (28th December) she would share the whole amount equally between the three children so they all got the same from the relatives. it hadn't even occurred to the relatives that one was missing out until one year they got a letter from the children thanking them for the £ 16.66 ( or whatever) and they got on the phone because they had sent a different amount. My friend explained that they had sent the first two money for birthday, followed by money for Christmas but the third had only had the Christmas money so she had shared it all between them. the relatives were very embarrassed and actually improved after that. Might be worth a try.

DEFFO DO a ½ birthday in JUNE on the date 6 months later

my bro had it as his is christmas eve

nice weather for outside party etc.

lots of friends cos not on holiday

YANBU. My dh was born on Christmas Day and up until having dcs I always held a party for him on Christmas Eve night. Use to be a hell of a job buying a birthday cake though!!!

My DD's birthday is also 23/12. She loves having a 'Christmas birthday' as she gets to take her friends to the panto and out for dinner. This is a tradition that has so far lasted 5 years and shows no sign of waning! I think she loves the fact that everything is exciting around the time of her birthday. She gets really nice presents from everyone else for her birthday, not wrapped in Christmas paper ( although she wouldn't care!) and something smaller from us and then smaller gifts for Christmas because she gets something nice from us then. We also ( and so do my parents) get her a gift on her brother's birthday in May. He enjoys this tradition as much as she does!
It all balances out nicely!

YNBU. DS1 is born close to Christmas and one of my sisters would always say that she would buy him a slightly more expensive joint gift. I said he would be happier with 2 cheap gifts. I refused to let anyone set a precedent. I find the same with my DTs. People want to get them joint presents. I told them we'd rather have none.

YANBU. We have the same problem here. DD1's birthday is 29 Dec and for her first birthday she got a 'joint' present from the PILs, they told DH it was because they didn't have enough money for two presents despite having just been on holiday to Peru . How much would a picture book have cost? Will have to get DH to talk to them this year. Thankfully there are a lot of Dec/Jan birthdays in my family so all my relatives know to get separate presents.

My nephews birthday is 3rd January and although he gets a card and present off everyone(we send money or voucher as he's 450 miles away) he has an official birthday in June just like my step mother-in-law she was born on January 1st and hated it as a child and was determined L wouldn't have the same.My brother and I always got a little token birthday present and a large joint present as our birthdays where March and December. Have to admit I was guilty of doing it with youngest when she was small as her birthday is October and eldest 2 are June and July we now give her a good day out of her choice with a present to go with it, were going to Blackpool today (shes 14 on Sunday) and were doing what she wants a long way for a day out we live in Scotland and won't be able to leave till my son comes home from school at 1.

Also must must must not have the birthday presents wrapped in xmas paper!

YANBU.

Have read all this with interest as my DD is due on the 27th of December but will probably arrive a week or so earlier as I think I'm going to need a c-section so I'm expecting her around the 20th. We didn't plan to have a baby at this time of year but it would seem that it's true that you're most fertile after a miscarriage as one little accident and here we are!!

I'm determined that DD will not have her birthday consumed by Christmas. Not sure how yet which is why I've been interested to see how everyone else does it. Definitely not going to put the tree up till after her birthday and will insist on the right wrapping paper. Might even do the half birthday party thing. All fab ideas

My family should be good as my brother's birthday is at the end of November and he's always hated the two being mashed together even when they're a month apart! Hopefully, this will set enough of a precident to keep the in-laws in check ;) My family are even doing separate presents this year when she will definitely be too little to notice!!

If anyone had asked what to get, I've suggested vouchers - she'll be a whole different baby in 6 months and will want different things so at least if we have vouchers, we can get her something appropriate in the summer - and it saves people having to think of 2 things right near christmas.

You are NBU.

I am steeling myself to have the same conversation with my FIL and his partner - ds has a birthday on the 21/12, and their other gc's birthday is in May. She had a nice bday present, but on Boxing Day they were both given 2 presents together each, exactly the same - one was billed as ds's bday present, but my dn got the same two presents as a Christmas present.

Really pissed me off.

I would say two small gifts and to wrap one in christmas paper and one in birthday paper to distinguish between the two.