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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for seperate Christmas and Birthday presents for my child?

113 replies

Doodleydoo · 08/10/2009 19:00

My DC was born v. close to Christmas and it breaks my heart to think that she might not be able to enjoy her birthday as a special day because of the ocnfusion of xmas. Last year her DGP gave her for her birthday the same thing they gave their other DGC as a present that they had brought back from holiday. Felt slightly peeved - but that is my problem! However DGP is suggesting that a joint xmas/birthday present of same thing other DGC got for their birthday which is earlier in the year. I know it is probably me being jealous but don't want this to start being a regular thing as I think it is unfair to distinguish between the 2DGC for a start and set a precident that DC birthday is combined with xmas every year.

I know must get over the jealousy myself, and that in the years when I was small I sometimes got a joint bday/xmas present but it was when I was much older and understood.

How do I broach the subject without being told I am a spoilt cow - which I hope I am not.

OP posts:
PersonalClown · 08/10/2009 19:33

I don't know if everyone gets the same as I do or if it's just my family.
Because I am just after Xmas, my birthday seems to be an afterthought. Presents are done and sorted and then it's like 'Oh crap, forgot PC's birthday...errmmm...that'll do'

(Can you tell I have unresolved issues with my birthday?!

browntrout · 08/10/2009 19:35

my DD is 29/12 and I am very clear on this with everyone. She has separate presents - and her birthday ones must not be wrapped in Christmas paper. So far so good (she will be 3 this year). I have removed all Christmas decorations apart from the tree (which she loves) for the last 2 years and put up birthday balloons and banners etc and had a party/lunch thing so that it is treated as an entirely seperate occasion.

Original poster
Doodleydoo · 08/10/2009 19:36

PC, you poor thing, I suppose pre xmas birthday has its merits as it comes first. I feel for you and do you know what to start a hornets nest, it is still nice to recieve presents when you are over 16 (even 20 years over!)

OP posts:
lovechoc · 08/10/2009 19:37

I think it's just unfortunate if you happen to have a Christmas baby, try and time the conception better next time so it doesn't clash with Christmas, fgs!

On a serious note, I'd be a bit miffed if I was in your situation too. I think you should say something but try and work it very very carefully or you are going to come across as seeming ungrateful.

As someone else has pointed out, it's not compulsory for anyone to be given a present on their birthday.

PersonalClown · 08/10/2009 19:38

I console myself with the notion that I tell everyone to get me vouchers or if they are being lazy, cash.

I then rampage the sales and get some of the best stuff!!
Advantages to everything!!

3LegsandNoTail · 08/10/2009 19:38

Dd (1) birthday is 18th Dec and we made a concious(sp?) decision to not do anything Christmassy til after her birthday, and emphasised to ds that there was no tree etc til after her birthday. And absolutely no joint pressies, if she chooses this when she's older then that's fine.

eandh · 08/10/2009 19:38

my dd2 birthday is 5th Jan and this year 3 people just forgot her birthday (I dont mind if they send a card and no pressie or said could they get a pressie after January pay etc) however same 3 people got dd1 a birthday present a few weeks ago when it was her birthday, I feel if you can buy for one of them then you should do the other. What really peeves me is one friend who 'forgot' has a ds who birthday is week before xmas and I made a point of getting his birthday present to him before his birthday wrapped in birthday paper etc (dd2 has had presents for birthday wrapped in xmas paper )

Original poster
Doodleydoo · 08/10/2009 19:38

Well looks like a majority that so far i ANBU. Gives me backbone to have the conversation!

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 08/10/2009 19:39

My birthday is just after Christmas. I get fab presents in the sales

The joint present thing can work to your advantage. If we wanted a big present it was joint whether our birthdays were near Christmas or not, and it seemed much more bearable to have them close together then.

I have always enjoyed my birthday despite its proximity to Christmas. It's really nothing to break your heart over.

How old is your DD?

mckenzie · 08/10/2009 19:40

I'm totally with Personalclown on this.

Mine is 28th Dec and I still have a firm childhood memory of my sisters and I opening our christmas presents from an aunt and uncle, each present was the same but a slightly different version and yet my label said 'Happy Christmas and Happy Birthday'. I appreciate that I should be grateful to get any present at all but...
As I've got older the problem has changed to that of my friends not wanting to come out and celebrate my birthday. They are getting over christmas and/or saving themselves for New Year .
I'm obviously quite scarred by the whole thing as during both attempts to have a child, I made DH use a condom during the periods that would produce a December/January baby

Original poster
Doodleydoo · 08/10/2009 19:44

And yes appreciate presents are a gift not a necessity (is there a pun or not in there am not sure) but do hate the distinction between the 2. Surely IANBU about that? As I say in years to come it will affect her. And am talking more about a specific situation with a GP not with friends/more distant family who I agree it is very kind of them to even think. Lets be honest the OP was about a Grandparent not just regular friends. Surely they should NOT make an obvious distinction especially when all spending xmas together - (incidentally Grandfather Xmas also visited other GC but not my DC last year! but didn't make a big thing of it due to the day.

OP posts:
nbee84 · 08/10/2009 19:44

As clarice says - once they're older, if you have 2 children and the one with a summer birthday gets a scooter for her birthday and an art set at Christmas and Christmas child gets a scooter as a joint christmas/birthday present - then one has dipped out and will notice.

PersonalClown · 08/10/2009 19:44

Mckenzie-you've just brought a great memory flooding back.

Just after a school friend emigrated to the US, she sent me a Xmas card.
Alert-Wild generalisation
Typical Americans- it was a Xmas and birthday card!!
She knew how I felt about seperate events so decided to aggrivate me from across the pond!

Original poster
Doodleydoo · 08/10/2009 19:46

TFM - I know I think I probably worded it wrong by breaks my heart - what breaks my heart is the obvious distinction between the 2 DGC.

OP posts:
IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 08/10/2009 19:49

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable, as anybody with a December/January birthday will tell you.

My Dad is the 16th, a friend is the 28th. I wouldn't dare give either of them a joint present, i'd be forever scorned (they really really hate it)

If someone tried to give you just one present just ask 'so, what are you getting DC for Christmas then?

Turniphead1 · 08/10/2009 19:49

Doodleydoo - my DC3 is 1 this Dec 30th and I am damned well going to make sure people don't give her joint presents until she is old enough to decide that is OK. I don't care if both things cost 5 p each - but after this year (when she will be oblivious) if anyone does it I will be explaining (nicely) why I would prefer her to have separate gifts.

I am surprised that your kids GPs are so insensitive really.

Original poster
Doodleydoo · 08/10/2009 19:51

Turnip - have psycho analysed to the point of ridiculous in the past and can only come up with my DC being punished because GP doesn't like me.

OP posts:
Maz297 · 08/10/2009 19:52

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Children don't understand that, because their birthday is so close to Xmas that adults find it easier to buy joint presents. To them their birthday is just as special as Xmas day and should be marked as so. My DH is an early Jan baby and he also got joint presents, as did my cousin who was a NY Eve baby and it just isn't fair. Maybe DGP's just don't realise though - a tactful, polite reminder of how it might seem through a child's eyes would be in order.

lovechoc · 08/10/2009 19:53

I think some people are just tight with money and at that time of the year, if they can get away with giving a joint birthday and Christmas gift then they'll do it.
Would just like to point out that we have a relative who's bday is close to Christmas but we've always given him seperate presents.

Seona1973 · 08/10/2009 19:54

I have 2 nephews with birthdays close to christmas (18th and 24th) and I always make sure they get a birthday and a christmas present. My sister also has a little birthday celebration for her lo so he doesnt miss out (his is on 24th). DH's is on the 27th and he has memories of his parents going to the corner shop on his birthday to get him his birthday card as it had been forgotten about!!

Leeka · 08/10/2009 19:57

Is it your parents that do this, or your husband/partner's? If it is his, I suggest you get him to mention it, rather than cause bad feeling with in-laws.

If it's your parents, I don't think you're unreasonable at all to mention it, in a casual, friendly, not-a-big-deal kind of way - possibly as though in relation to others that 'may' do it, though, to keep it general rather than a direct accusation as such.

SardineQueen · 08/10/2009 20:01

YANBU. Mine is near xmas and it isn't fair to combine two things which siblings have separate. It's bad enough that no-ones really interested as xmas overshadows it and then you've got no other celebrations all year.

I once got a card from a friend, cheapo xmas card with happy xmas "and birthday" added underneath in biro. Was really super-chuffed with that one

Original poster
Doodleydoo · 08/10/2009 20:02

lets face it money is tight for the majority of us and am not saying it has to be expensive in anyway, just possibly the same consideration given to my DC as to the other GC.

To all posters who have post xmas birthdays that are forgotten I feel for you. My parents forgot my 17th bday (me all excited about being able to drive etc) but felt so guilty about it they gave me a small and very lovely piece of jewellry of my grandmothers (sentimental value to me as something I had always been allowed to play with when small) which was my best birthday ever!

OP posts:
kitkatsforbreakfast · 08/10/2009 20:03

Doodleydoo - YANBU.

My birthday is the 22nd Dec and my mother was very fierce with all relatives that I was to receive separate presents, wrapped in appropriate paper, get birthdays cards too (some people seemd to think I wouldn't mind not getting a card as there were so many Christmas cards around the place), and that if they were posting presents to make sure they did so early enough that my presents actually arrived on the day!

On the flip side I was expected to write 2 sets of thank you letters, the birthday ones had to be sent off before Christmas.

We didn't put our Christmas tree up until the evening of my birthday (was a tradition that Dad and I would go and dig it up together on my birthday), and the mantelpiece in the sitting room was for sole use of my cards, no Christmas ones allowed there.

I really think you have to say something. It's not your dd's fault she has a birthday close to Christmas, and although it will be a yer or two before she starts making comparisons with her cousins, she will eventually and it will be harder to change GP's behaviour then.

And I don't think you're at all grasping. Just want fairness for your dd.

notagrannyyet · 08/10/2009 20:09

My DS (12) has BD on 2nd Jan. He has never been given joint presents from relatives thankfully, but they nearly always come wrapped in Christmas paper. Not that that's ever bothered him.
Now he's older and gets given money by some, he enjoys getting more for his money as things are often cheaper after Christmas.
The only downside really is people have had enough of parties so we wait until a few weeks into the new year for his birthday treat.