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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel slightly narked at being categorised as 'dopey forgetful mum'?

32 replies

OrmIrian · 08/10/2009 10:34

I know my DC are one of the ones who sometimes turn up looking less than box-fresh in the mornings, without coats or sunhats on the days when the teacher deems they need them, and sometimes (very rarely) we forget something that they need, and occassionally arrive just before the bell goes and don't have time to chat but we are hardly ever properly late (3 times in the past 8 years), most forms and monies are returned within a day or so of receiving them, homework is 99% of the time done and handed in on time, they always have a complete PE kit etc etc

So it is fair that I appear to have been given the label of 'mother most likely to fuck things up'? DS#1 had a leaking drinks bottle and was told not to bring it back in to school - he misinterpreted that as being that he couldn't bring his lunch bag back in and was upset. I went to check with the TA and she confirmed that it was only the bottle that was banned - but she said 'I was quite firm with DS1 as I wanted to make sure the message got back to you Mrs W' (ho ho ). DS took his hw in late last week as he thought it had to be in on Friday instead of Thursday - we made a point of making sure it was in on time - I saw the teacher and apologised for it being late last week and she said 'Oh that's OK, I know all about you and how busy you are.'

I am beginning to feel a bit paranoid tbh. I know it doesn't matter, and it was said in a friendly joking manner, but am wondering why? Is it because I work and am not there for things in school? I managed fine with both my other DC - why am I seen as hopeless and helpless now? I have always counted as one of my few virtues the fact that my DC get there on time, dressed, fed and equipped and that I can then get on to work.

Didn't help that on the way out of school I spoke to DS#1's friend's mum who said that she forgot her boy's hw but he said it was OK 'because J's mum always forgets his hw too'. I DON'T ALWAYS FORGET HIS HW!

OP posts:
theDeadPirateRoberts · 08/10/2009 10:35

YANBU. Don't people love assigning labels though. [Grr] for you!

RealityBites · 08/10/2009 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Morloth · 08/10/2009 10:42

Don't be upset, just enjoy it. The less people expect the less you have to give!

Damn I am lazy...

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 08/10/2009 10:43

Don't worry about it. Sounds like you do get things sorted most of the time and that's what counts.

I'm not sure you are being seen as helpless. Sounds like they just think that you are v busy.

If you fixate on it you will probably feel worse. From what you have said I think you are very sorted. Ignore them.

BrokkenHarted · 08/10/2009 10:45

I thought being dopey and forgetful was part of the whole mothering thing?? No?? Oh dear....

BiteOfFun · 08/10/2009 10:49

I reckon you have a crafty little bugger who is blaming everything on a hapless mother...you need to look closer to home to find out who is creating this impression, mark my words [experienced]

Polaris · 08/10/2009 10:51

I am just the same as you; but I haven't got a good track record of 8 years to reassure me that I'm doing a good job over time!

I'm always late back with forms etc, always the last to pick DD up, last to drop her off, forget library books. DS's nursery are still waiting for his autumn outdoor kit, I'm not even going to go to his parent's evening (he's 16 monts for gawds sake and goes in for 12 hours a week - what the hell can they tell me about his develoment that I don't already know?). BUT I don't care what 'the system' thinks of me. I am great mum at home in other ways; I have a great relationship with my kids, who worship me and I am an anchor. I'm chilled out, I give them security; I also work (albeit from home) so am also providing and am busy; I'm not a 'fun mum' but I make my DD laugh until she cries and we go camping. I cook every night and we sit around as a family to eat. We don't have the TV on much, but DH and I talk to them and read the stories that we like to read together. We dance a lot and I am fit enough to run around after them. I also don't do anything or wear anything that makes me stand out in the playground and embarass them.

I'm sure you are the same so don't beat yourself up about school issues. IMHO I think they push too much on the parents anyway with rules for this and rules for that; too much homework; no chocolate in lunch boxes etc etc. Jeez. My mum didn't have to do any of that for me back in the day.

I have also had comments from teachers both to my face and through my DC's; along the same lines as you have. I just smile sweetly and get on with it. I'd rather be like that than over keen mum who over compensates and worries about every little thing. Control freak? Not I!

Original poster
OrmIrian · 08/10/2009 10:52

Ok...I will try not to take it personally

I have a feeling that partly it is because of the new teacher. She doesnt much care for DS#2 from what I've seen and heard - which is fine, they can't love 'em all! But it has made me a bit wary of her. She is also small, fierce and efficient. I am tall, vague and I get through things stuff by the skin of my teeth - think jack russel and newfoundland I may be making assumptions.

OP posts:
BiteOfFun · 08/10/2009 10:54

I used to get told off for daydreaming at primary school. Eventually I was going to get in real trouble for it, so I sobbed that I was actually half-deaf, and my parents didn't want me to wear a hearing aid in case it prejudiced people against me

Parents' Evening was quite an event...

Original poster
OrmIrian · 08/10/2009 10:55

I am awestuck at your cheek and inventiveness bof. Wow!

OP posts:
Doodlez · 08/10/2009 10:56

I think your DS is blaming you - like saying "oh my Mum forgot, she's always doing that..." or whatever, to cover his own dreamyness!

theDeadPirateRoberts · 08/10/2009 10:57

Proper LOL at BoF

BiteOfFun · 08/10/2009 10:59

I think I might start a thread actually- have a think for some stories of nefarious brattishness of your own, please

Pyrocanthus · 08/10/2009 11:17

Yes, I bet BoF is right, as well as darkly brilliant. You actually sound above average efficient to me, Orm.

BLEEPyouYOUbleepingBLEEP · 08/10/2009 11:21

When my DD started school, the lovely older lady next door told me that that was it, every part of our lives would be discussed at length at school now. I thought 'phew, thank goodness we're pretty normal', but what she didn't say was that every part of our lives would be discussed at school, but only half the story and totally misinterpreted by our DD!

It's like the worst kind of chinese whispers, I say we haven't got the money for blah, and suddenly were poverty stricken lol I'm with Polaris and try not to think what she says about us and how much of it the teachers believe, if your DSs teacher is new, she'll soon have to learn not to take what they say too seriously.

MintyCane · 08/10/2009 11:21

I am also seen this way by other mums and teachers. We often have the wrong stuff. The highlight of this week was youngest dd drinks bottle leaking out of the bottom of her backpack while it was on my back. A mother came up to me as I walked through the gates and said you do know your bottom is soaked don't you.

She walked away looking like this hopless mum alert. So I proceed to sort backback - homework flies all over the playgrond - I manage to stand on the snack banana - envelope with school trip money is soaked and empties money all over the floor.

I don't mind that people see me this way anymore. I looked up to see my closest friends at school looking at me like this

It is funny i am very organised with everything else but I will never be a neat organised mum.

stuffitllllama · 08/10/2009 11:24

Orm: if you want to change this impression you need to look haughty at school. Stop apologising and stop smiling at the teachers. Never apologise or explain.

MintyCane · 08/10/2009 11:28

and buy a boden skirt

stuffitllllama · 08/10/2009 11:32

yes desperate measures may be required

Danthe4th · 08/10/2009 11:35

Lol we have a few of these mums at our school but we love them for it, they are the friendliest mums and always give us a laugh at the things they say and do but its all meant in the nicest way and I would hate to think that I had offended them, but to be honest they play up to it and use it as an excuse for everything.Every school has its characters its what makes the school.

ChunkyKitKat · 08/10/2009 11:52

I probably have a reputation of being dippy, but I always get kids to school, just have to do something dappy a couple of times and people will label.

I once got the wrong day for comic relief and sent ds to school in red. Luckily no underpants over his trousers. My friend believed me when I told her when comic relief day was so she sent her ds in red also so he wasn't alone.

Original poster
OrmIrian · 08/10/2009 12:14

danthe - but I'm not dopey .

I may purchase a clipboard and cloppy shoes just for going into school. Would that mend my image I wonder?

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 08/10/2009 12:21

I love it when schoolmum friends come up to me to tell me of their latest incompetences, adding "I thought I must tell Balloonslayer, she'll know just how I feel."

And I do.

Every time I fuck up, I tell everyone

busybutterfly · 12/10/2009 18:26

DS1 had to take an empty ring binder into school. He didn't say a word about needing one.

Teacher says to me, "Oh Mrs X, Junior needs a folder."
Me, "Oh really? I knew nothing about it! He'll have one on Monday."
Teacher (with pitying smile) "Don't worry, Asda do very cheap ones!!!"

Like we couldn't afford one and that's the real reason he didn't have one!

FFS

I'm not disorganised either but am sure she now pthinks I am!

busybutterfly · 12/10/2009 18:27

The extra p in thinks was courtesy of my baby DD...

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