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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to go to mother & baby groups because they interrupt my dts' routine?

43 replies

Ewemoo · 07/10/2009 13:46

My dts are 9 months and as much as I'd like to be able to take them to mother & baby groups they are a nightmare when I do. They need sleep every 2 hours otherwise it's complete meltdown and then I just get embarassed (sp?) as you can't cope with 2 babies that age screaming by yourself. Other mothers have tried to help but end up passing the dts back to me saying they must want their mother! I will take them when they're older but is it really necessary for them now or is it more for the mothers to get out and socialise?

OP posts:

StrictlyAvadaKedavraarrrrghhhh · 07/10/2009 13:48

There's no law that you need to take children to groups, if it doesn't suit you/your dts routine then don't go and don't worry about it

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 07/10/2009 13:49

IMVHO, those groups are more for parents than babies, in terms of socilaising, so if it's a nightmare hassle for you, don't go. Your babies will still meet plenty of other people when you go to the park, out for a walk, shopping etc, you won't be keeping them permanently incarcerated after all.

MovingOutOfBlighty · 07/10/2009 13:50

I think it is more for the mothers at this stage.
Equally, I don't know how i would have coped without toddler groups from when mine were small as it got me out of the house and got them tired.

Just wondering, but at 9 months they need sleep every 2 hours?! I am really impressed/amazed. How long will they sleep for?

TheCrackFox · 07/10/2009 13:50

Baby groups are more for the mothers. I don't think babies need socialised, just loved. I would give it 6 months and see how you get on.
FWIW I didn't do baby groups (loved toddler groups) as i couldn't be arsed with it all.

Greenshadow · 07/10/2009 13:51

At 9 months, mother and baby groups are entirely for the mother/carer.
If it is making you more stressed, don't go, unless staying at home makes you even more stressed....

crazylizzy · 07/10/2009 13:51

I agree with OldLadyKnowsNothing, I've always found that mother and baby groups are more for the mothers than babies

I tend to go day by day, if the time suits me and DC then we go, if not, we leave it until the following week. Don't feel guilty about it.

Firawla · 07/10/2009 13:53

yanbu just go when they are older and sleep less, then you will be glad to get out of the house and benefit from them more. if it doesn't benefit you now, you dont have to go just for the sake of it

bran · 07/10/2009 13:53

Don't worry, if you have twins then they're not exactly lonely anyway, and they will learn valuable skills like using a hard toy to hit another child and snatching while looking innocent without having to go a group.

I found groups great for DS when he was toddling, it definitely improved his gross motor skills trying to copy the older kids. By the time your DTs get to the toddling stage they will probably have a different nap schedule anyway, so it will all be a bit easier.

Original poster

Ewemoo · 07/10/2009 13:54

Thanks everyone that's made me feel better and less guilty. I can't believe they still need sleep every 2 hours either but maybe it's because they were prem? They usually have from half an hour to an hour or sometimes just a quick 15 min nap but they are unbelievably bad when they don't get it. Also, they will only sleep in their cots/car so at baby group this isn't an option which makes me and them stressed.

OP posts:

cwtchy · 07/10/2009 13:56

I stopped taking my DD to groups around that age and waited til she was older, I didn't see the point as she would get overtired and didn't gain anything from them. I wanted to get out and talk to some other adults but I never managed a conversation due to the screaming baby!

Just take them for a walk or round the shops if you fancy a trip out, then you can head home when they need to rest. Try the groups again in a few months I reckon.

preciouslillywhite · 07/10/2009 13:56

Don't bother till you feel you want to.

I didn't take my dts to baby groups till they were toddlers for the same reason. Stay at home, get your friends to come over, eat cake and watch telly for another 6 months

TheCrackFox · 07/10/2009 13:58

I had that problem too CWTCHY. My screaming baby got in the way of me actually having a proper adult conversation. i was more stressed going to mother and baby groups than staying at home.

Pikelit · 07/10/2009 14:01

Stay home and enjoy the dts! If you find the experience of mother & baby club stressful then for sure, the babies will pick up on your unease and "reward" you accordingly. Wait until they are a little older and then try toddler groups.

To be honest, I treated baby clubs much as I do puppy parties. At best, their worth to the alleged beneficiaries is questionable. At worst, howling, biting chaos results.

GhoulsAreLoud · 07/10/2009 14:04

Ewemoo my DD did the every two hour sleeping thing til she was quite old as well.

Then she got to about 11 months and suddenly just started having one long nap after lunch and it was/is absolute bliss! Crossing my fingers your DTs will go that way soon.

Casserole · 07/10/2009 14:04

Don't do it - stay home and enjoy them. Honestly, it's all a bit pointless at this stage, esp when they have each other to play with! Go again in a few months, or whenever you feel it would work. I stopped going to groups between about 9mos and 15mos or so and I've only got one! But they just didn't work. They did when ds was tiny, and they do again now. There may come another time when they don't, and that's fine.

Really, with twins life is full enough for you - so be easy on yourself and don't pile on the pressure, I say.

GrumpyFish · 07/10/2009 14:06

I stopped taking my DS to most groups when he was about 6 months. He was also v set in his routine and would only sleep in his cot, so most groups were hopeless as they never seemed to be at the right times. He's 14 months now and down to just an early afternoon nap, and it's much easier. We are just starting to rejoin the morning groups. I agree that groups are mostly for mothers when DCs are little - even at 14 months DS is not hugely interested in the other kids, although does like having different toys to play with.

BalloonSlayer · 07/10/2009 14:07

When my eldest was a baby all the M&T groups seemed to be in the afternoon, when he slept, so I never went either.

All you miss is:

seeing your beloved child's dismayed face when some big bruiser of a toddler snatches something off them (said bruiser's Mum nowhere to be seen of course)
crawling DCs hands stomped on by big bruiser of a toddler (see above)
one child will always have the most revolting stenchful nappy in the history of sewage, everyone knows which child, except its mum
lukewarm tea made with the cheapest teabags in existence
in the wink of an eye your DC is the big bruiser toddler and all the other mums have pursed lips because you were not paying attention when he/she trod on someone/ hit someone /stole a toy

think that about covers it

WoTmania · 07/10/2009 14:08

YANBU.

colditz · 07/10/2009 14:09

It's for mothers at that age. And even when they are older, they are twins, they will already know how to share and socialise. So if you don't feel you want to go, don't go!

3littlefrogs · 07/10/2009 14:10

Oh God - no. If you have a routine and everybody is getting some food and sleep, just carry on doing what you are doing. No need to go to anything unless you all enjoy it and get something out of it.

preciouslillywhite · 07/10/2009 14:19

what BalloonSlayer said. She's just about nailed it

...ooh, except she missed out singing...supposed to be a little treat for babies/toddlers- ends up chorus of yummy mummies singing impossibly high notes while their offspring look bewildered/cry/try to crawl away, and any dads sit and look reeeeeeally awkward...

uuuurghhhh. Baby groups

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/10/2009 14:33

I Took ds2 to one last week....and Slayer got it spot on! I hated it, he hated it, i was alone blah blah blah....we are back to being indoors in the warm watching ITbloodyNG a trillion times a day.

pigletmania · 07/10/2009 14:33

Dont go IMO wait until they are older and need less sleep and will be old enough to enjoy it. I took my dd to mums and tots at about 7 months but she did not sleep every 2 hours and was fine loved it and only one of her. I am a STAHM and it got me talking to other adults and i even made a couple of good friends.

pigletmania · 07/10/2009 14:39

I dont drive and suffered from post natal depression so it was the one thing i looked forward in the week and when DD was at an age where she was not being trampled on my big bruiser toddlers and was old enough to used the equipment like slides and trampoline she really started to enjoy it more. Its not all negative you know, our one is fantastic and run very professionally

Meglet · 07/10/2009 14:43

yanbu. Don't go to the ones that screw up your routine, it's not worth the hassle. I have never taken my dc's to anything over lunchtime or early afternoon as they are napping. Leave it until they are a little older.

Can you get a couple of other mums round to your house at a convenient time so all your dc's can gurgle and roll around together?

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