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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to go to mother & baby groups because they interrupt my dts' routine?

43 replies

Ewemoo · 07/10/2009 13:46

My dts are 9 months and as much as I'd like to be able to take them to mother & baby groups they are a nightmare when I do. They need sleep every 2 hours otherwise it's complete meltdown and then I just get embarassed (sp?) as you can't cope with 2 babies that age screaming by yourself. Other mothers have tried to help but end up passing the dts back to me saying they must want their mother! I will take them when they're older but is it really necessary for them now or is it more for the mothers to get out and socialise?

OP posts:

Maz297 · 07/10/2009 20:28

Thank god it isn't just me although my DS is 17 months old now. It just seems that all of the groups round here are at the wrong time for us so I don't take him and then feel really guilty at depriving him of socialising opportunities. As a first-time mum, I think the guilt is the worst thing - eventhough DS seems perfectly happy I worry that I am somehow stifling his development.

pigletmania · 07/10/2009 20:45

The thing is you cant please everbody, if you put the groups in the morning might not suit some people, in the afternoon might not suit somebody else you cant win! I am not so tied to a routine that we just stay in doors all day or we dont go anywhere just incase it coincides with lunch or naptime. If its naptime dd naps in her buggy if we are out, or if it coincides with lunch time i will take something with me and give her it outside.

pigletmania · 07/10/2009 20:46

When the baby turns into a toddler it is much easier but no i go out and do things with her and take it as it comes.

carocaro · 07/10/2009 20:58

not at this age, can you have people over to your house instead?

it is really important to have mates and get out there when you have little ones

i never did, until mine were older, toddling round a music class, they loved it

artlesschaos · 07/10/2009 21:03

I agree with pigletmania. Mother and Baby/toddler groups saved my sanity when my DD1 was tiny. I made a couple of good friends from them. With DD2 I had a 19 month old to cope with and getting out of the house to groups helped her burn up energy.
TBH I have always refused to be dictated by my kid's sleep patterns. I can only cope with them if we go out everyday, be that parks, shops or groups.

artlesschaos · 07/10/2009 21:06

But meant to add my two kids have never had "routines" in the day. They sleep when they're tired in the buggy.

pigletmania · 07/10/2009 21:09

lol i would go mad in doors all day, imo its important that as well as having time at home to also go out so they experience different things, though 9 month twins not so when they become toddlers yes definately. We have a fairly flexible routine.

artlesschaos · 07/10/2009 21:31

That said, it's a bit sad that the OP feels in some way obliged to do the "Mother And Baby" group thing. I think we heap on so much pressure on ourselves to be doing things all the time with our babies/toddlers. For me it helps me (possibly more than my toddler) to go to groups but that's just how I feel. I don't like feeling too lonely and isolated and being stuck indoors all day with very young children makes me feel this way. I am not great at "playing" and end up trying to do housework instead.
What I am trying to say is if you're happy at home and your babies are, don't knock yourself out getting to activities. Babies and toddlers up to the age of three only really need their mums IMO to be happy.

paisleyleaf · 07/10/2009 21:36

yanbu
I used to make a point of taking my DD. But that's mostly because she's an only, and I was concerned about her learning to share etc
I'd imagine twins are learning that everyday at home.

mummytotwins · 08/10/2009 01:28

YANBU I didnt really take my DT's to any groups other than twin club until they were 12 months. TBH I only take them as they have the chance to play with other toddlers and tire themselves out, the mums and baby groups near me are FULL of horrid snobby mums who just bitch about each other behind their backs. My advice find your nearest twin club and go there and even if your DT's scream the building down there will be lots of other twin mums there who will offer help if needed and are full of advice that you never thought of and wont wince at the doubled up ear shattering screams and will just bring you a brew and cuddle your babies x

legspinner · 08/10/2009 02:35

YABU. Agree with mummyoftwins, find a local twins playgroup if you can and then only if it fits your routine. I found that the twins' playgroups, whilst a pain to get to, were great (and I really looked forward to our monthly playgroup), everyone helped each other out and watched each other's kids, and even made sure all the mums got cups of tea or coffee - which IME didn't happen at the other groups I went to...they were also a great source of support. Also if you have 2 clingy whingy toddlers hanging off your legs, no-one looks at you as if you're from another planet!

Having said that I didn't start going till the DTs were over a year old. Too many daytime sleeps / feeds etc and too hard!

legspinner · 08/10/2009 02:36

Sorry typo I meant YANBU!!!!

Rollmops · 08/10/2009 08:43

Kerrrrist on bike, why would you want to go to 'mommy and baby groups' to start with? [Shudders at the very thought....

starwhores · 08/10/2009 08:47

There are loads of other reasons not to go to mother and baby groups....
YANBU

troutpout · 08/10/2009 08:49

Yes yabu...how dare you get away with not going to mum and baby groups...if i had to suffer that weekly hell then so should you

Danthe4th · 08/10/2009 19:35

You've got years ahead for groups, enjoy the peace and quiet at home and if you want a bit of company just invite them to you so your ddts can sleep, far more relaxing than any baby group.

NinthWave · 08/10/2009 20:17

I never really did baby group either. The toddler group, on the other hand, is brilliant - DS (2yo) gets to play with all sorts of new/different toys while I drink tea and catch up with my friends. Plus it wears him out nicely!

We stayed at home much more when he was smaller, as it was just easier.

clown7 · 08/10/2009 22:18

YANBU My dts are also 9 months and I have had exactly the same problem as you - nightmare dual screaming sessions at m&b groups with my overtired babies who both wanted me to pick them up at the same time. I stopped going for about 4 months as I couldn't take it anymore. However, just to give you some hope for the future, in the past few weeks they have started to sleep a bit less in the mornings so I decided to try out a new group today which would not disrupt their routine too much. Unbelievably, there were almost no tears and they enjoyed themselves. I feel much better now as although I am not desperate to spend loads of time at m&b groups I just wanted to feel that it was an option, if I am going stir crazy at home, particularly with winter weather on the way.

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