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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be mightily pissed off at my friend child friendly birthday party

111 replies

Lifeistooshort · 06/10/2009 20:16

apologies in advance as this is a long post, but I need to vent

I will try to keep it short but basically this weekend it was my friends 30th birthday but also my DH's birthday on Saturday. It has been planned for months, and because it is an important birthday I have on many occasions offered not to take my DCs if she was doing something where children would not be very welcome. Each time she assured me that the children were her friends too and that she really really wanted them there.

So anyway weekend was planned at center parcs and a child friendly trip to a nearby safari parc was planned for the Saturday. We arrived on Friday night we arrived quite late with tired little DCs only to be told within minutes of arrival that we wouldn't go to the safari parc as everyone wanted to play badminton instead. DD (4) ended up in floods of tears because she was looking forward to it. I calmed her down and told her we would go swimming instead and my friend promised her that she would come.

Next day my DD was looking everywhere at the swimming pool saying "oh I think I can see friend here all the time" after about 5 minutes, I knew friend wasn't going to come. After about 30 I broke the news to DD who was completely hearbroken and couldn't understand why friend who had really really promised wouldn't come to swim with her.

And from then on the whole weekend was like that. We met the others at badminton and had to watch them play for an hour to then be told that they had booked a bowling alley for 14.00 (it was 13.00 then). The kids were starving so at 13.20 my husband asked what the plan was with regards to having lunch. We had been told there was a picnic for which we bought loads of food for everyone to share but that was cancelled too. So we all went to cafe/pub and for some reason our orders arrived last...and all the party left before we had even tucked in our food because they ?add to go bowling otherwise they would loose the alley. I thought that was so rude.
Before they all disappeared, my DH said he would put the kids in bed and bring back the food to the villa with me and would catch them up. So he did just that except that when he turned up at the bowling alley, they had all left and not waited for him. And because they wouldn?t make a plan because they had to go with the flow, DH spend an hour cycling before coming back to the villa unsucessful.
And the last straw of the day was that to meet the other to go to the pub in the evening, our trailer broke. A few people from the party including Friend hadn?t left and one of them was supposed to come back with their car to pick us up allegedly. So we waited with the starving and tired DC (it was 19.30 after all) and waited and waited and no one came, so my husband had to hitch a ride from one of the parc rangers. I was so pissed off, if it had been down to me, after 40 minutes of waiting I would have fed the kids at the villa and put them in bed. Because we arrived very late at the pub between 8.30 and 9, we only stayed about an hour, a good chunk of which was spend walking DS.

And the next day because again there was no plan, we went swimming on our own. We managed to track Friend and party down at about 13.00 they were playing volley ball etc. And again, we were told within 5 minutes of arrival that they had booked a badminton course at 14.30 to which we replied ?fine because we are leaving?. We stayed about 40 minutes and left.
So come on ladies, give it to me straight:
AIBU to be pissed off that we were completely side lined? It was as if we had turned up to a party we weren?t invited to. I would never treat my friend this way. I think it is so rude to ignore some of your guests ...a whole weekend
AIBU to think that if I had wanted to be in centers parcs on my own, then I would have like to do it on my terms and to fit my kids routine
AIBU to be pissed off that we insisted we come a whole weekend and didn?t give us the time of the day
AIBU to be pissed off that my kids were completely ignored apart from the fact that they were treated like cute litte pets for about 5 minutes and supplied with sweets (!). Especially when friend insisted I bring them (I could have come just to the pub and have them looked after, it would have cost me a fraction of the price of the weekend)
AIBU to be pissed off that we had to spend a small fortune to end up spending the weekend on our own?

So am I?

OP posts:

FlightAttendant · 07/10/2009 16:49

I think I had better not Hully

Belgo - are they all like that? I was it was just so like watching stills from The Office

manfrom · 07/10/2009 16:54

volleyball and badminton? ON A THIRTIETH BIRTHDAY???!!! What happened to a last and final blow-out to mark the end of an era? You know - champers, charlie, sick in the taxi on the way home?? Centreparcs sounds naff. Get some new friends - that's my advice.

nappyaddict · 07/10/2009 17:08

Lifeistooshort I totally agree about the safari park. I really do wonder if she had any intention of ever going. It seems an odd place to want to go to on your birthday if you don't have children.

wonderingwondering · 07/10/2009 18:11

OP, you ask what to do now: I think nothing. You won't change someone who is fundamentally selfish, if that's what your friend is. You won't make her understand what it's like to have small children if she's not worked it out herself. Why make a row over her birthday celebrations? It will serve no purpose other than (temporarily) making you feel better.

If the weekend was part of a pattern of behaviour, then perhaps the friendship has run its course. But if she's got other good qualities, just store it away for future reference: don't go away with her again. If you have to (I had a similar situation with family, so can't take the 'refuse to go again' option) then make your own plans for the weekend and announce to the others that you will be at x at 1o'c for lunch, then in the pool, then at y for tea at 5 if anyone wants to join you.

That's what I do - I'm sure my family think I'm a bossy old hag, but at they all comment on how content my children are! And they'd prefer bossy hag to fed-up stressed mummy and strung-out, bored toddlers .

M1SSUNDERSTOOD · 07/10/2009 18:47

I remember a scene from sex and the city which encapulates the gap when Miranda had the baby.she was determined to still go out with the girls and baby is in car seat. The other girls helpfully hail a cab for her when they think it's time for her to go hsome, bundle her in it and then continue partying. Miranda looks forlornly out the rear window at them as it drives away. I think when you have kids you have to put them first but others don't have to iyswim. YANBU but you know what to do next time and just pleas yourself.

katiestar · 07/10/2009 18:49

There is a big difference between liking children and liking the things they do.
If your friend hasn't had much experience of children she wouldn't realise this.And remember she had her other childless friends to appease and maybe felt she had to go with the majority vote.
This weekend was never going to work.

ruddynorah · 07/10/2009 18:55

you have my sympathy but i really don't see how you can have let this happen. how did it get to 1.20pm with the picnic stuff back at yours and then you asked what was happening about lunch? i can't imagine it. and the safari. i'd have just gone. and i would not have entertained sitting watching badminton. thankfully my friends know i wouldn't just mooch along with flaky plans, so it doesn't happen.

'i've got loads for the picnic later. the kids eat about 12, how does that fit with you? i'll be making ours soon would you like me to do yours?'

westernfront · 07/10/2009 18:57

You need a new best friend as this one is a frenemy - poor you and poor kids. really agree with everyone else about the safari park (as in would have gone solo with children),but I would confront re the swimming. short of a broken leg really stinks to make a promise to a child then bail for something more interesting - she should apologise to your child.

spookyrookie · 07/10/2009 21:32

Your friend is delusional, how an earth can a grown womans birthday trump that of a 5 year old child, madness.

Do nothing except make a solemn oath never to go on holiday with her again and hope that when and if she has a family its colicky twins who don't sleep a lot and grow up to be boisterous.

hmc · 07/10/2009 23:54

I've re-read you OP. I do think your friend was insensitive and she wasn't considerate to you.... but she may have been carried away by majority voting re plans and activities....

However, also think you should have been rather more direct at the time about how you were feeling. There is nothing to be gained in silently seething

jalopy · 08/10/2009 07:38

Yes, your friend was insensitive but your expectations were too high.

I would have thought, from the outset, that a weekend away with such a diverse group of people would probably be complicated.

I can see why you're pissed off though.

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