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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be mightily pissed off at my friend child friendly birthday party

111 replies

Lifeistooshort · 06/10/2009 20:16

apologies in advance as this is a long post, but I need to vent

I will try to keep it short but basically this weekend it was my friends 30th birthday but also my DH's birthday on Saturday. It has been planned for months, and because it is an important birthday I have on many occasions offered not to take my DCs if she was doing something where children would not be very welcome. Each time she assured me that the children were her friends too and that she really really wanted them there.

So anyway weekend was planned at center parcs and a child friendly trip to a nearby safari parc was planned for the Saturday. We arrived on Friday night we arrived quite late with tired little DCs only to be told within minutes of arrival that we wouldn't go to the safari parc as everyone wanted to play badminton instead. DD (4) ended up in floods of tears because she was looking forward to it. I calmed her down and told her we would go swimming instead and my friend promised her that she would come.

Next day my DD was looking everywhere at the swimming pool saying "oh I think I can see friend here all the time" after about 5 minutes, I knew friend wasn't going to come. After about 30 I broke the news to DD who was completely hearbroken and couldn't understand why friend who had really really promised wouldn't come to swim with her.

And from then on the whole weekend was like that. We met the others at badminton and had to watch them play for an hour to then be told that they had booked a bowling alley for 14.00 (it was 13.00 then). The kids were starving so at 13.20 my husband asked what the plan was with regards to having lunch. We had been told there was a picnic for which we bought loads of food for everyone to share but that was cancelled too. So we all went to cafe/pub and for some reason our orders arrived last...and all the party left before we had even tucked in our food because they ?add to go bowling otherwise they would loose the alley. I thought that was so rude.
Before they all disappeared, my DH said he would put the kids in bed and bring back the food to the villa with me and would catch them up. So he did just that except that when he turned up at the bowling alley, they had all left and not waited for him. And because they wouldn?t make a plan because they had to go with the flow, DH spend an hour cycling before coming back to the villa unsucessful.
And the last straw of the day was that to meet the other to go to the pub in the evening, our trailer broke. A few people from the party including Friend hadn?t left and one of them was supposed to come back with their car to pick us up allegedly. So we waited with the starving and tired DC (it was 19.30 after all) and waited and waited and no one came, so my husband had to hitch a ride from one of the parc rangers. I was so pissed off, if it had been down to me, after 40 minutes of waiting I would have fed the kids at the villa and put them in bed. Because we arrived very late at the pub between 8.30 and 9, we only stayed about an hour, a good chunk of which was spend walking DS.

And the next day because again there was no plan, we went swimming on our own. We managed to track Friend and party down at about 13.00 they were playing volley ball etc. And again, we were told within 5 minutes of arrival that they had booked a badminton course at 14.30 to which we replied ?fine because we are leaving?. We stayed about 40 minutes and left.
So come on ladies, give it to me straight:
AIBU to be pissed off that we were completely side lined? It was as if we had turned up to a party we weren?t invited to. I would never treat my friend this way. I think it is so rude to ignore some of your guests ...a whole weekend
AIBU to think that if I had wanted to be in centers parcs on my own, then I would have like to do it on my terms and to fit my kids routine
AIBU to be pissed off that we insisted we come a whole weekend and didn?t give us the time of the day
AIBU to be pissed off that my kids were completely ignored apart from the fact that they were treated like cute litte pets for about 5 minutes and supplied with sweets (!). Especially when friend insisted I bring them (I could have come just to the pub and have them looked after, it would have cost me a fraction of the price of the weekend)
AIBU to be pissed off that we had to spend a small fortune to end up spending the weekend on our own?

So am I?

OP posts:

morningpaper · 06/10/2009 21:27

Actually, you know, I think you are being a little unreasonable

A child-free friend has just asked me to hers for a culture weekend and said 'the toddler can play with the cat while we watch films!'

childless people have NO IDEA that things REVOLVE around children and it is BORING

I think you should have realised that - or at least realised when you arrived that you would have had to sort yourselves out. Standing around basically watching them for the whole weekend is daft - you should have just got on with things

lilyjen · 06/10/2009 21:27

What an awful weekend!!
yr definately right to be upset and annoyed.
Next time someone(rather than you)arranges a trip to a safari park or other such place I wd keep it as a suprise for the children, that way they wont be dissappointed if it doesn't happen. Also always be really rigid about mealtimes regardless of what others are doing or keep snacks in yr bag.
Either way yr friend was out of order!!

6feetundertheGroundhogs · 06/10/2009 21:30

Hell No! YANBU!!

If I were wearing my most delusionarily rose tinted glasses, I would almost forgive her everything in her abject ignorance.

I'm not however, and am inclined to believe that she is beyond heartless for promising to go swimming and standing a LO up. She promised, She didn't show. Take it she didn't apologise to DD either...

You don't need 'friends' that not only have not a clue how to interact with families, but also let your LOs down and break their hearts.

Agree the reaction to the 'you'll understand when you've got kids' was strangely overboard.. more there than meets the eye me thinks?

She'd be an ex-friend if she were anything to do with me.

crokky · 06/10/2009 21:42

I would have gone to the safari park without them. Sounds like they just are not aware of what having children is like as they haven't had them yet.

mrsgboring · 06/10/2009 21:44

YANBU - these kind of fluid arrangements and constantly changing plans used to drive me right up the wall even before DCs came along.

i would say though that saying "you'll understand when you have kids" could be presumptuous / hurtful / rude in many different ways and it would have been better not to have said it.

potoftea · 06/10/2009 21:44

I don't think the fact that ye had children is the biggest deal. I think they were all incredibly rude to you and dh anyway.

It sounds as if ye were tagging along as if ye were trying to join in, but not being included. Forgetting to come back to bring ye to the pub!

I'd be very hurt if a friend did this to me.

2shoes · 06/10/2009 21:48

ya SO nbu
I read your op open mouthed.
I wouldn't call people like that friends

piscesmoon · 06/10/2009 21:49

YANBU.Being childless is no excuse for being rude.

ConnieComplaint · 06/10/2009 21:59

Sorry - am pmsl @ "the toddler can play with the cat"

boundarybabe · 06/10/2009 22:28

I'll bet good money the cat hasn't agreed to that idea........

OP - your friend's sound bloody rude irrespective of their thoughtlessness towards your DC. They'd be ex-friends if it were me.

TheCrackFox · 06/10/2009 22:43

YANBU

They sound rude and thoughtless. However, the chances of me going to Centre Parks are zero. Seriously, you can get a week in Greece cheaper.

Op, you have learnt a valuable lesson. Never take your Dcs to any event where it will be mainly childfree people. They just don't get it.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/10/2009 22:45

YANBU. Your friend was thoughtless and clueless (possibly I was like that pre-DC's but I don't know .....)

It strikes me as pretty ironic that she chose the most child-friendly venue for herself (child-friendly if you have a plan and a routine, that is ...), but then sidelined you.

I think I would have just done my own thing at the earliest opportunity (easy to say in hindsight).

Sorry you had a bad time. I love CP, but it's bloody expensive !

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/10/2009 22:47

'tis true CrackFox, and there's nothing more depressing, when your kids are little, to be made to feel like boring old routine-ruled farts by young, pissed childfree friends.

MollieO · 06/10/2009 22:53

Do people without children actually go to Centre Parcs? In my pre-child days I would have thought it hell on earth to be staying anywhere that was popular with families.

QuintessentialShadowsOfDoom · 06/10/2009 22:55

Yabu. They are not aware what children are like. You, however, are.

Where you trying to follow their setup just to see how far they would go in their lack of understanding your needs?

They probably did not expect you to watch all their activities from the sidelines during the day, but do your own thing and join them in the evening. I have no idea why you even tried to keep up with them at all!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/10/2009 22:56

Mollie It's pretty popular with stag and hen nights ... the Spa is pretty good, and there's golf and abseiling and stuff.

Cheaper out of school holiday times as well...

thesecondcoming · 06/10/2009 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCrackFox · 06/10/2009 23:01

A Hen/Stag Night at Centre Parks . Shudder.

MollieO · 06/10/2009 23:45

I've never been to CP but the thought of being in the same place as a stag/hen party and possibly having to interact with children not related to me is enough to put me off forever.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 06/10/2009 23:52

I'd never heard of CP before having DCs. What a frustrating weekend for you and your DH. I think I'd need a long time to start seeing the "friend" as I did before.

hmc · 06/10/2009 23:55

I think you are unrealistic. Childless friends, with a few exceptions, really don't have a clue, and you shouldn't expect them to. Don't take "Oh yeah, bring along the kids" on face value, they know not what they say.

Either (a) go without the kids
(b) don't go at all
(c) take the kids but have realistic expectations and don't be offended if you are marginalised

Kids can rather curtail hedonistic fun and pleasure - something which the childless like to indulge in, and aren't I

Carrotfly · 07/10/2009 00:01

I would have felt the same way as you after a weekend like that.

Take from it what you have learnt and never repeat again.

I dont think your friend was being deliberately mean, but certainly wasnt thinking straight and ended up looking a bit self centred.

Sounds like your DH was a doll.

labyrinthine · 07/10/2009 00:05

This reminds me of a friend who often invites me out for a meal in a group or for her birthday ~ and then doesn't speak to me lol!
I was completely amazed at first but now realise she wants a lot of people there to confirm her popularity,not to actually see the people.

Northernlurker · 07/10/2009 00:59

What a shame for you and no I don't think yabu. I think your so called friends are rude and thoughtless. Actually the fact that you had kids with you isn't any mitigation for their behaviour at all. Take the kids out of the equation and the situation is that you and dh couldn't join in with their activities because of a limiting factor - in other circumstances it could have been money or health or another dependent - did your friends do anything to modify their planes and include you? No they didn't, in fact they took out elements that would have included you. I'm not surprised you're angry and hurt. I would be too - this isn't typical of childless friends either. We were the first in our circle to have a baby and nobody has ever treated us like you have been. Very for you.

Northernlurker · 07/10/2009 00:59

Plans not planes

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