AIBU to resent SIL always taking food off my plate!?

[freename]

If theres a meal we're at together, home, restaurant, wherever she always samples things off my plate. She never orders dessert, but will happily try and nick some of mine.

It has got to the stage where I go to great lengths to avoid sitting anywhere near her but the last time we were together she actually moved seats to be closer to me!

DH thinks she sees it as some kind of female bonding. Bond with someone else I say Other than confrontation which I want to avoid (because lets face it with her it would be like pandora's box ) how can I deter this particular obsession.

good plan

I´ve already eaten thanks!

Thought I´d do it without telling you all so that no one can steal my food .

Perhaps you could go out for a meal, just the two of you?

You might feel better about saying something when she is not going to be embarrassed in front of all the family.

Yes, I think try to talk to her alone first.

I wonder if she´d try to take your food if it was just the two of you?

This moving to sit next to you, it´s almost a form of bullying, in a way.

diddl well executed not that I'd ever nick anyone's food

Desperate I'm sure you mean well but I'm not ready for that yet...small steps!

If you´re going to meet her alone, perhaps just risk coffee-but check for hidden straws!!

!you're cracking me up....my fear is, being alone she might up the ante and god knows what she'd do then!

wimp

Ok, back to the more subtle inflatable hammer suggestion

Have you another meal planned?

Could you get your dcs to shout ''no! Don't steal mummy's food, Aunty x'' at the top of their voices?

you must have a thriving family/social life. I get on well with my sil but I'd say I only sit down max twice a year at table with he. How often do you lot eat together?!

Oh desperate! the wimp in me really loves the manipulating the DCs idea! They'd do a good job too!

DH, I know for a fact, will go for the inflatable hammer. He would be that subtle left to his own devices.

It used to be more often but now it's more like 4 times a year (they are far away) but because they come for days at a time we would probably clock up a few meals per visit iyswim.

I'd be exactly the same as you use the hammer too

I'd be driven demented. My mother did actually stab her own SIL in the hand with a fork (after years of food snatching) and it did stop her. Well it stopped her stealing my mother's food anyway!

How was their relationship afterwards Pike? Cordial?

I'm not sure the moving next you is bullying as such - perhaps she really does have food issues and you're the only one she feels comfortable with? Could be a compliment although that doesn't make it any less irritating.

One of my colleagues tried to steal a crisp from me once and (quite to my astonishment - instints set in) I immediately told him to bugger off, slapped his hand and crouched protectively over them in the style of Gollum hunching over a fish. I had no idea I was so protective over my food. BTW if he had asked for one I would have gladly shared.

That's the thing. If a friend/relative asks to taste my food when out for a meal, no problem. I quite like tasting theirs- specially if it's something I had been thinking of ordering myself.

But for someone to just reach out and help themselves??? I don't care if they have issues, or just want to be your buddy- it's just plain rude. There is such a thing as manners.

If she moves next to you, once you've sat down carefully away from her - think you've mentioned this happened previously - could you just stand up and say something along the lines of:

sorry, whilst usually it's lovely to sit next to you (soften her up with a compliment just in case there are issues going on) but today I'm really hungry and want to eat all of my meal. That means I can't sit next to you as you pinch my food, you'll have to have somebody elses instead.

and then get up and move - maybe having primed your DH and others so that you can either switch seats with your dh or move to the other end of the table and get everyone to shuffle down.

if she's deliberately changed to be near you, she'd be very brave to move again and follow you. You can always follow up with 'we can sit together and have a chat once all the food has been finished at the end of the meal' if she insists she just wants to chat to you...

good luck. but you definitely need to say something, the longer it goes on for, the more she is going to feel entitled to do this.

Alternatively, pretend that she is stealing the food off one of your children's plates and react to that rather than it being off your plate IYSWIM.

Or just get a pair of fun/toy handcuffs and slap them on when she tries to nick your food

Wary is the best way to describe their relationship afterwards, freename. It wasn't entirely without cordiality but there was a certain distance to things!

Hit her hand with the spoon and say 'no'

Next time she does this, just hand her your plate and say "here you take it" and when she ask's why, say "if you are that hungry you have it"...will stop her dead in her tracks. Tried and tested it does work

Right - I want to know when the next SIL meal event is planned and I want to know what happens!
This is one of threads that MUST have an update!

Thanks again for the comments

Well they come every other year for Christmas and they're not due this year so she will probably be coming before in late Nov/early Dec to do presents etc.

So a few weeks yet.

I'm actually looking forward to it because I really am resolved to saying 'please don't do that, thanks'.

It will work too because you guys have convinced me she definitely has a thing about it and I'm sure she will get what I'm talking about as long as I VOCALISE it which I know I haven't done before. I just hope she doesn't internalise it in some other way.

Perhaps its an evolutionary primeval kind of pack thing, wolf female puts younger female in place by eating some of her rabbit

Maybe you should eat hers first!