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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to resent SIL always taking food off my plate!?

126 replies

freename · 05/10/2009 19:14

If theres a meal we're at together, home, restaurant, wherever she always samples things off my plate. She never orders dessert, but will happily try and nick some of mine.

It has got to the stage where I go to great lengths to avoid sitting anywhere near her but the last time we were together she actually moved seats to be closer to me!

DH thinks she sees it as some kind of female bonding. Bond with someone else I say Other than confrontation which I want to avoid (because lets face it with her it would be like pandora's box ) how can I deter this particular obsession.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 05/10/2009 19:34

When you're next in a restaurant - say

"Right - I think I'll have the chocolate fudge cake.

"SIL - are you going to do your usual seagull impression and nick my food? OK, fine - I'll have two chocolate fudge cakes then."

And actually order two.

At home - say - "I'd like about that much - could you give me a bit more than a quarter though, I have to allow for SIL nicking some."

Then cut her "bit" off, put it on a plate and give it to her.

Original poster
freename · 05/10/2009 19:34

DH has tried to help in the past by saying 'if you did that to me I'd stab you with my fork' but she doesn't get the hint. I have suggested 'why don't you just order your own pudding, you're clearly enjoying it?' to which I get 'oh no I'm not hungry'.

The other day she made a big fuss about gluten free gravy (!?) which the establishment couldn't provide, only to then nick ALL my regular gravy after saying 'oh hell can I just have a drop of yours?'

AARRGGHH

OP posts:
Katisha · 05/10/2009 19:36

I like LongTallJosie's approach.

bibbitybobbityCAT · 05/10/2009 19:36

Still raging. But thank you I will accept valium.

Original poster
freename · 05/10/2009 19:36

And you guessed it, her DH was sat right next to her with his own little jug of gravy .

OP posts:
Katisha · 05/10/2009 19:37

Ooh bibbity can I just have a little corner of your tablet?

Original poster
freename · 05/10/2009 19:38

bibbity I come over like that now at the prospect of any meal with her!

OP posts:
Eddas · 05/10/2009 19:40

just do as Joey did in friends and order extra food/serve an extra portion up at home 'a sharing buffer'

DandyLioness · 05/10/2009 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
freename · 05/10/2009 19:42

Thanks MNers, I know in some cultures offering tastes from each others plates is friendly (offering being the objective word) and in principle it's ok but I kinda feel targeted by her. Would be different if she was doing it to other people as well.

Oh and she wipes LOs faces with the dishcloth. But I digress...

OP posts:
diddl · 05/10/2009 19:43

I suppose you´ve tried just telling her not to take anything off your plate?

Do she actually have food in front of her?
If so, I´d feel like catching her hand, pushing it towards/in her food and saying, "wrong meal, that´s yours"

Original poster
freename · 05/10/2009 19:44

I'm glad other people are annoyed by it too and that it probably would be ok for me to say something. I'm not being rude by saying no.

OP posts:
Original poster
freename · 05/10/2009 19:47

diddl YES she does have her own food. LOL.
No one is limiting it ('cept herself!). I've tried subtly in my own way (moving seats?)but obviously need to become a bit more assertive and some of your suggestions sound perfectly acceptable. Just sound funny when I hear my own voive saying it, you know?

OP posts:
Original poster
freename · 05/10/2009 19:47

that's voice not voive

OP posts:
IWishIWasAFrog · 05/10/2009 19:50

I HATE this. YANBU. Have no advice though... I have a 'system' when I eat, and I always leave my favourite thing for last on my plate, just to find my DH consuming half... Tell her to order her own/offer to order the same on her behalf/ask her when you order if you should get her a portion too, seeing as she is going to share yours anyway.

troutpout · 05/10/2009 19:51

Cheeky mare!

I think just shouting "FFS!"..would probably do it

TheOriginalBreevandercampLGJ · 05/10/2009 19:52

DH went through a short phase of doing this,in the end I waited until we were out with friends and when my main came I picked it up and handed it over.

He looked most confuddled and pointed at his main said this is mine. I replied, yes, and that is mine but you will keep eating off my plate once yours is finished, so I am just cutting out the middle bit. Pass me back the leftovers, when you are done.

My best friend nearly had to be hospitalised she was laughing so much.

He has never done it since.

Original poster
freename · 05/10/2009 19:57

I don't really mind MY DH doing it... Just with her, why doesn't she see it would be more appropriate to do it to her own DH if anyone? Like the wine and the gravy. He had exactly the same yet she wanted mine.

OP posts:
diddl · 05/10/2009 20:01

If we´re out, I sometimes ask my husband if I can try some of his meal.

But would never just take food off anyone´s plate.

TheOriginalBreevandercampLGJ · 05/10/2009 20:03

Sorry, my point was that you should try it with her.

suey2 · 05/10/2009 20:17

I don't think there is a subtle way around this. Next time she tries it, I would say, I'm really sorry, but I hate it when you sample my food, I'd rather you didn't". If she responds badly, I'd shrug and make a coemt about being a bit ocd. Maybe her dh hates it and has told her off, which is why she doesn't try it with him?

diddl · 05/10/2009 20:21

Wonder why she does only take your food?

Also, if the rest of her family aren´t in the habit,I wonder why she thinks it´s an acceptable thing to do to anyone?

GoldenSnitch · 05/10/2009 20:37

I was going to say the same as Longtalljosie - just order 2 puddings next time you're out.

Either that or sit away from her, then when she loves to sit next to you, move again saying loudly "I'm not sitting next to you! You'll pinch my food!" Should get the message across

VicarInaBooTu · 05/10/2009 21:37

id send her over that episode of friends, the one where Joey doesnt share food and write in big big letters "HINT" on it!

seriously id not have a clue what to say but then i dont think it would bother me that much really - unless she is eating half of what you order then it would, but if she is just having a little taste of it i really dont think it would worry me that much.

NigellaTufnel · 05/10/2009 21:42

One of my colleagues did this; one day, I was v v hungry, my food arrived, she hadn't ordered anything, but before I had put my second forkful in, she reached over to nick some chips and I just lightly slapped her hand. It was pure instinct.

I get very ratty when hungry.

But it worked a treat.