in thinking that refusal of a Special School place for your SEN child is totally mystifying?

[notanumber]

I read this article about the growing numbers of children exluded from primary school in The Telegraph today.

It is absolutely beyond me why some parents are so hellbent on keeping their child in mainstream education when alternative provison would clearly be so much better for all involved.

"Then the head teacher called to say that she had found a place for George at a most excellent school ? a special school for children with moderate to severe learning difficulties. David was 'appalled'. Not only had the school negotiated a place without consulting them, but also 'it showed a complete misunderstanding of George,' David says. George, he stresses, 'is a mainstream child."

How is a child who bites and scratches, lashes out when asked to hold a pencil and bolts from the classroom "a mainstream child"?

I'm not saying that they are wrong to question and be critical of the way the school handled their son. Mainstream education is, I think, often woefully inadequate for (some) children with SEN.

But if they are so disgusted at how mainstream school is handling their child's needs, why the blazes are they doggedly keeping him there and not jumping at the chance for him to go to a special school?

I'm a teacher and if my child had SEN that were causing him the horrible difficulties that the family in the article describe and he was then offered the chance of a specialist tailored education in a Special School I wouldn't think twice.

This is not an attack on all parents who have children with SEN. I know there will be lots of posters who are desperate for their child to be offered a Special School place but have to work with the mainstream system as best they can.

I also know that inclusion has worked really well for many children. Please don't think that I am airily saying that if your SEN child is in mainstream education this is automatically the wrong place for them, or that you don't care about their wellbeing.

I am just genuinely bemused by this couples' attitude. Do they really think that they are acting in their child's best interests by refusing the Special School place he was offered?

Moondog - I am currently walking on egg shells with the school to be honest.

I feel like i have to treat them like a child, encourage any attempts at good and ignore the bad!

They have suggested we 'give it a go' for a week and see how it goes and then have another meeting with SENCO to discuss how it is going.

I know exactly how the meeting will go. They will tell me how brilliantly ds has done and hasnt needed to use the cards once all week.

I will reply has he asked for help then.....well no, but perhaps he hasnt felt the need and is coping!

As i said earlier some just dont 'get it', but if i voice my concerns before 'giving it a go' i am being negative.

I will leave it a week, then 'suggest' my ideas, if theirs do not work.

[sigh]

Notanumber

FGS
The way in which you quoted me made the quote appear as if it was ALL that I posted. As if you posted a full and detail post and I had just said er..sn schools are hard to get into. You then used that to extrapolate that people were neither reading nor responsding to your OP.

Actually my full post rebutted your OP by pointing out that children are often offered specialist provision which is unsuitable for their particular needs. That children often have complex needs which may not be easily met by the provision offered simply because it falls under the SN specialist school provision. That was in fact the main thrust of my post.

Parents are often offered unsuitable provision. The experts and professionals often recommend unsuitable provision. THAT was my main point - not the one line that you chose to post in your reply. And I was irritated because you tried to use that to infer that I had neither read your post nor replied to it - which was highly disingenuous.

I am pleased to note that now many of us have repeated that same truth you seem to be realising that we are not making it up.

Have not read all the messages on this thread, but have read the link and it has lef me sobbing for the almost exact same experience I went through (though my son is aspergers not ADHD). It is very easy to say parents should jump at a SN place, but it is hugely difficult to let go of your dream for your child of a 'mainstream' life. Especially when that child is so gifted academically and can be so perfect at home. Parents like me and 'Anna' do understand that other children's education shouldn't be disrupted, but what we would like is a little bit of empathy, and appreciation of how hard it is for us to. I was one of the lucky ones, my son has moved to a mainstream school with an ASD provision where he is taught in mainstream, with a wonderful 1-1, but has access to the unit. He is so happy and thriving academically, and I have almost got over the pain and psychological scars of the last few years. What everyone should realise is sometimes your heart rules your head when it comes to your children. I was incredibley lucky to have found a suitable option, I would be in a very different place now if I had been pressured in to a SN school that wouldn't meet his needs, however brilliantly it meets other children's needs. this is one of the big problems with provision with ASD children, no 2 are alike, so to say a school is for ASD is not enough. Most of my son's needs did display themselves as behavioural and emotional, but they were caused by autism.

Good to hear it turned out well in the end O&J'smum. There are some really good people out there.

Claw, I really sympathise.This is such a common scenario. Look into PECS yourself. You can go on one of the courses yourself and learn how to do it and are then in a much stronger position to insist on appropriate intervention for yuor child. Best of luck.

claw

Start a thread about PECS or visual support. There is quite a lot of knowledge about it on these boards.

Done right it can be fantastic, but done wrongly a complete waste of time. You might have to take it upon yourself to teach the concept and then have the school generalise it to their setting.

On the SN boards I meant.

Thanks Moondog, school SALT phoned me today to change an appointment time, mentioned it to her. She knew nothing about it and seemed shocked that they had given my ds cards 'as he is verbal'!

Please come and work at my ds's school! Will definitely look into what you suggest. Thanks you are a star.

Moonlight - Thanks, i have no experience of the SALT side of things, SN needs section is my life line.

Seriously, - start a thread in SN. It is irrelevant that your ds is verbal. It isn't about getting him to talk, it is about getting him to communicate (and really your SALT should know this).

I'm not a SALT btw, just on a very steep learning curve.

Moonlight - I have started a thread, hope everyone can understand my ramblings.

Lancelottie - at the school place but also really pleased that your ds has been doing so well. Thanks for your good wishes too.

YABVU.

My DS has SN, I wanted him to go to a unit, attached to a M/S school, for children with severe speech and language disorders. My LEA said whilst he met their requirements for a place there (no behavioural issues, 'normal' IQ - infact non verbal problem solving skills 1 year ahead of his age - and only mild physical disabilities) it was full. The only school place they could offer him was at a school for DC with severe and complex learning disabilities.

My local 2 primary schools turned him down also.

So, as I am not prepared to accept a highly sought after place at a completely inappropriate school I am a pushy middle class parent?

Well, thank god for that.

I'd rather be seen as a pushy middle class parent, than one who failed to make a stand for the right education for my DS, one who couldn't be arsed.