to have cancelled DD2's birthday trip to legoland

[SparklyGothKat]

It DD2's 8th birthday on saturday we were supposed to go to Legoland.

Last sat. we went to the shopping centre while waiting for DS1 to come out of the cinema, she spotted a necklace in Claires which was about £5. I said I would come back in the week and get it for her birthday, at which she started screaming and stormed off. I left her to it and took a slow walk ahead saying if she didn't come back to me and stop screaming she would lose her legoland trip. She carried on, and refused to come walk with us, and carried on sulking and screaming in a shop doorway. DH went over and picked her up and we went and sat in the car until it was time to pick up DS1. I told her that because of that behaviour she has defo lost her birthday trip.

She keeps saying she is sorry now and really wants to go, but I refuse to take her to a place that costs lots and then her do the same when we are there, because I can't buy her something. We have had this problem for a while and its draining me tbh

so AIBU??

yanbu

at 8 is old enough to know and understand that her actions have consequences (sp)

she had a strop, you told her off and what would happen if she didnt stop - she continued - so you cancelled the trip

you must ALWAYS follow through if you threaten/say something or else they learn very quickly that they misbehave,you say no, she says sorry and she can go

might have been better to take away another treat/use another punishment

hopefully she will learn from this

I agree with you 100 % Sparkly

"But punishing is just giving attention"

No it isn't because, at 8, they are old enough to work out that their behaviour has lost them something and (theoretically!) learn from that. It is different for a toddler.

my 4yr dc is old enough to understand his behaviour has actions

an 8yr def will

But having a tantrum is not being naughty.It is expressing feelings of frustration.

In this case, the "tantrum" was a deliberate attempt to get the OP to do what she wanted.

If the daughter has shown before that she is capable of controlling her emotional outbursts (as 8 year olds need to be able to do to get on in the social world), then she was making a choice not to listen. she was also warned what would happen if it continued.

By the age of 8, a child has ways to express frustration that don't involve tantrumming in public.

SGK was, and is, absolutely right.

To those who are of the opinion that a tantrum is expressing frustration - yes that is true, and just about tolerable up to the age of 3 or 4. Totally unacceptable in an 8 year old.

She does sound an unhappy child though - maybe worth more exploration of what could be going on there.

I think cancelling the LL trip was appropriate under the circumstances TBH. It's not as if she isn't getting to celebrate her birthday at all.

i doubt think this was an involuntary ourpouring of emotion the sulking doesn't fit in with that,She is doing it because it is effective ! she knows it embarasses you and might get her what she wants.
I wouldn't have punished her though.I would have just stuck to my guns and pointed out to her how daft she looked !