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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to continue to send DD to nursery 2 days a week when I dont work anymore?

59 replies

Boobalina · 22/09/2009 12:53

I lost my job at the beginning of the year so kept my DS in preschool and DD in nursery 2 days a week to keep their nursery places open whilst looking for work.

DS has now started primary school and DD still goes to her nursery for 2 days a week. I havent been able to find any P/T work still.

I have an angst-y dilemma - do I keep DD in nursery where she loves her careers and little mates and also keeps her place open should I get work.

or

Take DD out and save money whilst I am not working but take her away from her little friends (she is 2).

When she is at nursery I use the time to do all housework, shopping, laundry etc...

OP posts:
MillyR · 22/09/2009 12:56

Keep her in nursery if you can afford it.

wishingchair · 22/09/2009 12:56

When can she go to pre-school - that could be a compromise? In my opinion, YANBU ... your life, your choice. Just depends if you can afford it.

FranSanDisco · 22/09/2009 12:57

If she enjoys it and you can afford it then keeping sending her. Most children of 2 yo love mixing with other children. Also her routine is not being disrupted in the event you get a job.

AstronomyDomine · 22/09/2009 12:57

You are not being at all unreasonable. Your DD needs to interact with the other kids... not slating your company there Boobalina

sarah293 · 22/09/2009 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Boobalina · 22/09/2009 12:58

Cant start preschool til she is 3 - so a whole year away.

A good friend of mine said a while ago that its was 'unreasonable for a parent to be home and not working to put a child into nursery'.... it keeps rattling round my head!

OP posts:
ChunkyMonkeysMum · 22/09/2009 12:59

If you can afford it, keep her in nursery.

Have you looked into any benefits you may be able to get whilst not working that may help out with the nursery fee's ? i.e, Child Tax Credit (if you get it already, may increase now you're not working), and also Job Seekers Allowance.

Original poster
Boobalina · 22/09/2009 12:59

Riven - my 2 year has her little friends at nursery that she mentions specifically by name after each session....

OP posts:
fizzpops · 22/09/2009 13:00

I guess it boils down to how much you need to save money.

In your situation if I could continue to afford it I personally would prefer not to have to disrupt my DD, and I also think she does activities and has more contact with other children than she would do if she was at home all the time with me.

If money was really tight and we were starting to struggle then I think that would be the main deciding factor for me and however reluctantly I would think of nursery as a luxury I could no longer afford.

This was something I had to think about recently when I was considering giving up my P/T job and I surprised myself how much I wanted her to continue to have that varied experience. It seems to work well for us.

FranSanDisco · 22/09/2009 13:01

Your friend's entitled to her opinion but that doesn't mean you have to agree with it. It's 2 days a week not full time care.

DoNotPressTheRedButton · 22/09/2009 13:02

DS4 starts CM proper this week, two mornings a week, I don't have a job either.

It's for a few reasons- biggest is to give me some respite (am a carer but we dont get it from SSd), also need a morning a week to to do written work for MA and am hoping to help at school one morning or similar- as we have nil babysitting it's the only way.

In your sit I;d say go for it and doubly so- if you find work you might be the only one can start immediately due to childcare.

Original poster
Boobalina · 22/09/2009 13:04

Love your name Red Button!

OP posts:
wishingchair · 22/09/2009 13:05

And that is your friend's opinion, but doesn't mean you have to share it.

However (and I say this as someone who has put DCs in nursery from age 1 for 3 days a week), agree with Riven that at that age they don't really have friends they have any kind of loyalty to. You could easily take her out, she would be happy with you, she would make other friends at toddler groups etc, and she would settle into pre-school when she turns 3. And keeping her in nursery 2 days doesn't mean if you did get a job, they would have a place for her on the days you actually need to work.

So it comes down to you: if you like the break and she enjoys nursery and you can afford it, it really is your decision. Some may be judgy but that's their problem. No prizes for being a martyr!

Original poster
Boobalina · 22/09/2009 13:08

DD is in nursery on their busiest days so when/ if work comes up I can switch days easily (it was their suggestion)

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 22/09/2009 13:08

YANB at all U. children do have friends that they call by name at the age of two. My dd had happygirl (abigail) and Padam (Adam), she is still in touch with happy girl by email. FWIW, I think children get a lot out of being with other kids (as long as the others are relatively well behaved).

ben5 · 22/09/2009 13:14

if you can afford it keep her in. you both need a break from each other and like you say it's not as if you are sitting down doing nothing. isn't it so much easier to clean the house,do laundary and food shop with out them!!?? means then you can do things with her without having to run round doing everything else!!!!!!!!!

herbgarden · 22/09/2009 13:16

I would definitely keep sending her. I was under the threat of redundancy recently after mat leave with DD and I didn't like the thought of DS being pulled out of nursery from his 2 days a week which he loves.

We could just about to afford to keep him there but I probably would have then taken him out when we could have got him into pre-school for his five sessions.

I did go back work and he still does nursery two days and then on my 3 days off he does a couple of mornings at his pre-school - this gives me chance to get some jobs done with just one child. I think they need it even more as they get older and if you can afford it and like the bit of time off to get jobs done (or sit at home watching rubbish telly with a quiet child free coffee) then do it.

I felt a bit angsty about sending DS to pre-school when I was at home but with work and another child I thought it would do us all good !! and he'll get to know a few of the kids he'll hopefully start school with.

mummysaurus · 22/09/2009 13:17

YANBU

There is really no need to be so purist about childcare. From your dd's perspective it doesn't matter whether she goes to the nursery so you can work or so that you can clean/study/surf in peace. What matters is that she is in a place where she is happy and well looked after. And of course that you can afford it.

I only know a few SAHMs that would turn down the occassional bit of paid childcare if they could afford it and they are often the ones that have a support network of friends/family that can take their kids for at least a few hours a week.

TheBalladofGayTony · 22/09/2009 13:17

theya re all different. my dd hated nursery esp at this age but by all accounts some do like it. do what works for you.

wishingchair · 22/09/2009 13:18

Don't get me wrong - not saying they don't have friends (have 2 DCs older than this myself so have been through this) just that they don't have any major loyalty to them and get over losing them pretty quickly ... when they move away etc.

sarah293 · 22/09/2009 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MorrisZapp · 22/09/2009 13:28

@ happygirl and padam!

WickedWitchSouthWest · 22/09/2009 13:48

hiya, YANBU at all. I did exactly the same thing, but just to save a little money I halved her sessions from 2 full days to just the one. I couldn't have taken her out at that point; like your dd, she had some lovely friends and tbh we'd got used to having time to ourselves!

If you can afford it, then carry on and let ppl judge if they like. If they really haven't got anything better to worry about, then how lovely for them!

Original poster
Boobalina · 22/09/2009 14:01

annoyingly the nursery doesnt do half days or I'd cut it down to just 2 mornings.

Plus I guess I am also on a bit of a life change - shall I be a SAHM proper or wait for P/T in my field (specialist) or do something totaly different!

OP posts:
alfiesmadmother · 22/09/2009 14:21

I would say definitely keep her in Nursery, obviously if you can afford. Most 2 year olds I know go to some sort of playgroup. I think it's really important as they learn so much and different skills. And I bet your daughter loves it!! All my children started Playgroup at 2- made Nursery, school etc less stressful and they came on leaps and bounds. Also less stress for the parents- they can do all the messy stuff at Nursery!