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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

for being angry with school for describing DD's trousers as 'sexy'?

165 replies

EccentricaGallumbits · 21/09/2009 15:22

They have a very strict new uniform policy.
Policy states classic black trousers. No loose weave or casual trousers.

DD is wearing black trousers (admittedly from new look but they do long lngth ones)

she is tall and very skinny. To get trousers to fit her they are narrow - because she is.

Girls pulled out of lessons and their trousers jiggled to see if they are lose enough

a selection of girls told their trousers are not suitable because they are 'sexy'

My daughter is 11.

I do not appreciate anyone describing her or her clothes as sexy.

I am cross.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 21/09/2009 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MadameCastafiore · 21/09/2009 16:38

Thanks PhantonPlopper - I think the OP probably lets her daughter deviate from rules and then makes a huge issue out of things and so allowing her daughter to think that it is ok to have issues - my DD doesn't have issues - she follows the school rules and that is it!

I had to have my school skirts taken in so they would fit me and I would be appropriately dressed - wasn't an issue.

hullygully · 21/09/2009 16:40

That OP is a rule-breaking fiffle-faffer and no mistake. Make her wear loon pants.

mummywhodrinks · 21/09/2009 16:40

Hmmmm yes I see your point hullygully.

Maybe it is in fact essential for everyone's moral wellbeing that pre-teen girls have their clothing jiggled by adults in a position of trust and power, the tightness of it around their bum assessed, and then the clothing pronounced sexy if it does not meet their (unspecified) looseness requirements.

I hope they are examining the boys trousers too, to make sure no bulging packages are visible. Its only fair after all.

posieparker · 21/09/2009 16:40

Elie, I do think the state of children's uniform does reflect enormously on the school. Hence private schools do it better because their uniform is usually sourced from the school shop and is very standard. People do pass by children in short skirts, hipster trousers and trainers and think poorly of the school.

OP, if the trousers are reasonable then so are you. Take it up with the head.

Stayingsunnygirl · 21/09/2009 16:42

MadameCastafiore - the OP has said that she bought trousers from NewLook's school trousers range, and that she didn't think that they contravened the school's uniform policy!! Where has she said that she deliberately sent her dd in trousers that contravened the uniform policy???

The OP has also said that she strongly dislikes the sexualisation of clothes for younger girls, and wouldn't put her dd in them - I see no reason to doubt her.

And I believe the OP when she says that these were the only trousers that she could find that fit and that she thought were suitable and conformed with the uniform policy.

diddl · 21/09/2009 16:42

If the daughter is tall and skinny, I would have thought you would have to buy trousers too big to get the length, and that they would automatically be baggy?

KerryMumbles · 21/09/2009 16:43

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hullygully · 21/09/2009 16:43

It's not really about the trousers any more, is it?

lou33 · 21/09/2009 16:46

dd1 was 5ft11 by 15, with size 8 feet being tall and skinny and finding school uniform that fits is not an easy matter, let alone shoes

MaggieBeauLeo · 21/09/2009 16:52

Yeah I'd take the complaint back to them.

They should have said 'too fitted' or something, if they had a real complaint. But it sounds like they were looking for something to fuss about?!

ElieRM · 21/09/2009 16:59

Sounds like the OP did her very best to meet the school's standards. I don't think sending her into school in clothes that fit is 'I think the OP probably lets her daughter deviate from rules and then makes a huge issue out of things and so allowing her daughter to think that it is ok to have issues - my DD doesn't have issues - she follows the school rules and that is it!'
Do you know the OP personally? What a nasty thing to say.

morningpaper · 21/09/2009 17:00
  • school is right to discourage tight trousers
  • school is wrong to use word 'sexy' in this context, but not HORRENDOUSLY wrong, just not-very-appropriate wrong

I would think 'grr' and that would be about it TBH

purpleduck · 21/09/2009 17:02

State or private school?

State Primary schools are not allowed to regulate uniform. Nor - I would suspect_ allowed to jiggle the trousers.

I would also go ape shit.

diddl · 21/09/2009 17:04

Perhaps another point is that "fashionable" trousers shouldn´t be worn, and the posters daughters are?

MrsMerryHenry · 21/09/2009 17:05

I'd have to see the trousers to decide whether 'sexy' was used inappropriately. I agree that the school's methods of inspection are unacceptably intrusive, however, I think it's a good thing that the school is concerned about the girls' self-image and sexual well-being. I'd expect them to take a similar stance on 11-year-old girls unbuttoning their shirts down to breast level or wearing skin-tight tops to school.

morningpaper · 21/09/2009 17:05

I don't understand why "jiggling the trousers" is a problem. That sounds like the sort of thing bossy teachers DO.

Why is that part upsetting people?

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 21/09/2009 17:05

ADifferentMe - WTF are "kinky socks"?

hullygully · 21/09/2009 17:06

I wish someone would jiggle my trousers.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 21/09/2009 17:07

mp - As someone else said further down, if the trousers are having to be "jiggled" to see if they're too tight or not, surely they should be ok?? I mean, if they were too tight, then surely you'd be able to see? With your eyes? (Unless the teacher in question was sight impaired, in which case I apologise, unreservedly).

Also, 11 year olds shouldn't be "jiggled" around, I'd be upset if someone "jiggled" my children.

hullygully · 21/09/2009 17:08

Am loving the whole jiggling vibe. Fuck the trousers, bring on the jiggling. And the love.

Hulababy · 21/09/2009 17:17

Have we got a link to said trousers?

Are they tight round her bottom and thighs?

As someone else has said, surely if she is tall and thin, said trousers would be automatically a bit baggy as you often have to go up a size to get the leg length right.

Are they "fashion" trousers rather than school trousers?

Was the word used by the teacher "sexy" right from the start? What I mean is, did the teacher use other phrases first, but then expanded or changed term to "sexy" if/when children said they didn't understand what she meant initially?

As mp says, I would think "sexy" was an inappropriate term to use to descirbe children's clothing to an 11y, but not horrnedously so, just ill judged and not right for the audience.

The jiggling - again, wouldn't be too happy I guess, but not overly upset and personally would be something I would be complaining over. I am assuming a teacher just held a bit of fabric and jiggled it a bit. It is definitely not inappropriate touching, unless skin contact took place, or it was holding material near thighs and bottom - then more suspect.

However, should add that when I see what some children, especially girls, turn up to school wearing, and hinking it is appropriate school wear - well, some of it would look too revealing for a night round town, let alone in a classroom. I can see why schools need rules.

Oh - and at 11y I am assuming it is secondary school and, afaik, secondary schools in the state secotr can impose uniforms.

KerryMumbles · 21/09/2009 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

posieparker · 21/09/2009 17:20

In danger of sounding a little right wing, but this whining about authority is what's wrong with this bloody country. No child was assaulted.... uniform, meaning the same.

hullygully · 21/09/2009 17:23

Absolutely! Less jiggling, more obeying. And definitely no love. Brown shirt, anyone?