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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to find out the sex of our baby

33 replies

womble1 · 20/09/2009 21:04

We have a lovely but very hard work DS. I have our scan next week for baby number 2. I would really love a DD, so much so that I feel that and I need to know the sex so as to get used to the idea of another boy and as bad as it sounds, almost get over, not having a DD.

I know I sound terrible.

OP posts:

GirlsAreLOud · 20/09/2009 21:07

Nope, find out if you want to find out, why not?

MaggieBeauLeo · 20/09/2009 21:07

I wanted dc2 to be a girl. It was a boy.

I'm glad I found out at 21 weeks, because I accepted it and had a tough week at 21 wks, but by 24 wks I'd just totally accepted it. I am glad I didn't go on guessing and hoping for another 20 wks tbh.

anyway boys rock.

devilsadvocaat · 20/09/2009 21:07

how old is ds?

my ds went through a very difficult time between 18months and 2yrs. during this time i got pg with dc2. a few months ago he really chilled out,he's now 2.3yrs.

i'm not saying this will happen for you but a lot can change with kids over a few months.

you don't sound terrible

devilsadvocaat · 20/09/2009 21:08

oh and just find out if you want to, you don't have to justify that decision at all.

Hassled · 20/09/2009 21:08

No, YANBU. Once you have your baby you won't care either way, and second babies are often much easier and more laid back, but if you feel you need to have some time to get your head round it being another boy then take the chance while you have it.

Original poster

womble1 · 20/09/2009 21:11

devilsadvocaat he is right around that age, I really hope your right! I am also finding it hard as everyone keeps saying "I bet you would like a girl", I kind of feel that people think my DS isn't good enough

OP posts:

chegirl · 20/09/2009 21:18

YANBU at all.

I didnt want to find out the sex of my first children. I didnt see the point.

Then i lost my DD and got pg a year later. I really needed to know if the baby was a boy or girl. I need to be able to prepare myself either way. I am pg again and will be finding out asap. I was lucky last time, I found out at my early scan.

I would dearly love another girl (I have 3 boys now). I would be lying if I said I didnt. But I know that I will love my boy if I have another one.

I just dont want any suprises on the big day. Its emotional enough as it is!

Find out if you want to. People find out for all kinds of reasons.

devilsadvocaat · 20/09/2009 21:20

do you know what womble? i feel the same. people constantly tell me they hope i have a girl.

sometimes i agree and sometimes the thought of not having another boy, a brother for my son, makes me feel sad too.

it's hard when you feel like it's always your dc being difficult. and it's bloody embarrassing!

be very consistent and firm, even if it feel like it's not working, it will eventually. took about 6 months of naughty step beofre ds got it. it didn't feel effective at the time but i didn't know what else to do.

things that help with my ds:

go for a walk every day;
change of scenary, sometimes playing in another room;

these are the rules:

he must hold my hand when walking or straight back in buggy,
throwing or hitting gets a warning and then on the step.
he goes to bed at a regular time, in his bed.

you'll be fine and imo you don't need to find out what you're having in order to get your head around it. you will be happy, whatever you have

devilsadvocaat · 20/09/2009 21:20

chegirl

samsonthecat · 20/09/2009 21:23

YANBU at all. I found out the sex of DD2 for similar reasons. I really wanted another DD but needed to "get over" the baby being a boy before it was born. When we found out she was another girl it was fantastic so definately find out if you want to know.

Original poster

womble1 · 20/09/2009 21:27

Thank-you devilsadvocaat. I really mean that.

Its not so much he is naughty but he is fast and busy, very confident and unless he is in my bed with his milk and cbebbies, he isn't really ever still. He wouldn't sit with me in a coffee shop and eat cake like his pals do! He is lovely!

I am so worried about toddler groups with him and a new born. I have to watch him as he is everywhere and needs reminding to share and wait his turn all the time.

I am soooo tired too

OP posts:

Original poster

womble1 · 20/09/2009 21:29

samsonthecat I am sure if you did have a DS he would be lovely.

OP posts:

devilsadvocaat · 20/09/2009 21:33

haha. just my ds that was a terror then!

i think the hard thing is when you know what a great kids you've got but you feel like no one else gets to see that.

like i said, you got a bit of time and he'll have a whole new set of skills under his belt by the time the newbie gets here.

just keep taking him to cafes and toddler groups so he can learn the ways of the world.

it is so tiring

lynniep · 20/09/2009 21:37

not at all unreasonable. Always thought I'd have 2 DS's, but then got pg and 'decided' I really wanted a girl. I really needed to find out what it was going to be and did - its a boy. Gave me a chance to get used to the idea and I'm now really looking forward to DS2

Firawla · 20/09/2009 21:45

yanbu find out if you want to, there's nothing wrong with that
and btw my ds1 behaves the same way - veryyyy active, i think its just the age group & they will get easier eventually (i hope so!), & i am preg and found out dc2 is ds2. once you find out you just forget about having a girl for now, so i agree its better. some people have said in some ways it is easier 2 of the same gender next to each other and of a small age group, because when they get a bit bigger like 1&2 yrs onwards they wil be really good @ entertain each other and play together, more than one of each who may be into more different toys and different interests? im sure theres positives to both

tethersend · 20/09/2009 22:52

YANBU.

I knew I was having a boy; I felt it in every bone in my body. I asked to know the sex of the baby because I couldn't bear for another human being (the sonographer) to know and not me IYSWIM.

It was a girl. I was completely devastated. I am still quite ashamed to admit that. I had wanted a boy all my life. I felt really alone with it, as any cases of 'gender disappointment' I could find referred exclusively to parents wanting a girl and getting a boy. The world is full of people who desperately want a child and can't have one, or lost one and I was devastated at the prospect of having a healthy girl. I couldn't tell anyone.

Finding out the sex enabled me to confront many of my issues and prepare myself before the birth. Of course, no-one could explain to me that I was not having a boy or a girl, but a

FatFree · 20/09/2009 23:37

Its your choice, find out if you want to, dont let anyone influence your decision.

My cousin has 3 girls and her OH desperatly wants a boy. They have had 3 scans and paid 100 quid for a 4th one and are still non the wiser.

The last scan, the babys legs were crossed again but the sonographer said she didnt see a willy but couldnt be 100 percent sure so he is clinging to that hope, but i think its another girl and he will be devestated.

paisleyleaf · 20/09/2009 23:46

For me, if I had a preference for a boy or a girl, I think I'd be inclined to wait.
I think rather than give myself time to come to terms with any disappointment, I'd be better off waiting til the baby is born. Then when I see them I will love them immediately whatever sex.

But that's not to say I think yabu. I've not actually been in the situation. Maybe I'd feel differently if I was. We're all different, and if you want to find out, find out.

BringMeWine · 20/09/2009 23:46

YANBU. I found out with both my pregnancies. I knew I was having a girl 1st time round and I so desperately wanted another one. Was disappointed when I found out my 2nd was a boy. I am glad I found out as it gave me time to come to terms with it. I was so convinced I was having another girl.

And he's the most gorgeous boy in the world. He's nearly 3 now and an angel, (most of the time), and my DD is 5 and a complete stroppy mare. So that serves me right

Rosesinautumn · 21/09/2009 00:06

YANBU - I'm having my scan for DC3 tomorrow and I'll be asking. I've got two scrummy boys already and like you mine are very active (not naughty as such just need a lot of looking after. That said DS2 is considerably more chilled than DS1). I would dearly like a girl this time, not because I think girls are 'better' in anyway as my boys are just perfect in my eyes, but because I always envisaged having a mix of both and this will probably be our last baby.

I know that if it's another boy I'll have a pang of disappointment (possibly even a tear or two but then that means nothing at the minute as I cry at just about anything, including cbeeies) which I would rather get out of the way now and spend the next 17 weeks looking forward to another gorgeous boy.

sunnydelight · 21/09/2009 06:34

YANBU, I think if you have a strong peference either way it helps to know in advance so you can get your head around it either way.

My mum was dying when I got pregnant out of the blue with no.3. I already had two boys and was never desperate for a daughter, but it was a real comfort at my mum's funeral to know that I was having a girl. In some weird way it made the loss easier to bear and DD has never been anything other than a total joy in our lives.

MaggieBeauLeo · 21/09/2009 10:33

Sunny, I must be getting my period. Your post made me cry. I know what you mean. Another female member of the family. The baton goes on.

I think finding out basically makes something which is still a bit abstract become very real.

When I was pg with dc1 I'd no idea, and I found it impossible to visualise anything further ahead than a tiny baby (who was always conveniently asleep). With dc2 I found out the sex and it was much easier to envisage the two children together and who'd sleep in what room etc... Brought it to life definitely.

NOT having a third, but if I did, having not found out once, and found out once..... I would find out for imaginary hypothetical #3.

hth

kreecherlivesupstairs · 21/09/2009 10:54

I found out what mine was. The scanographer was not allowed to tell me (it was Oman), but I deduced from the lack of winkle that I was carrying Martha rather than Arther. I was so relieved. All through my, frankly, foul pregnancy I knew it was a boy. I told dh it was a boy, come the day of the scan I was past myself with joy. I phoned him at work - he wasn't allowed time off and he was pleased too. It's not that I don't like boys but I do prefer girls.
so to answer your question, YANBU.

Morloth · 21/09/2009 11:01

I am going to find out at the 20 week scan for this one. Am quietly hoping for another boy. I really enjoy my DS a great deal and would love another bouncy boy. However, will be just fine with a girl as well!

DH can't come to the scan due to scheduling, so I am going to drive him crazy by either pretending I know when I don't or vice versa.

sazm · 21/09/2009 11:06

TBH i dont think you should find out,
we were told we were def having a girl - guess what, we now have a ds,
i didnt care whether it was a boy or girl, but i think in your case if you were told it was a girl and they were wrong you would find things harder

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