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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this, because my world seems a little skewed?

62 replies

ireallydontknow · 19/09/2009 18:03

i have booked a holiday and asked dh's brother & sil (live in a different country a long way away) if they wanted to come back in feb. having had no response i assumed they weren't coming. this holiday is somewhere in europe so it's a flight and a hire car scenario.

the holiday is now in 2 weeks. dh has informed me that his brother want to send just their kids along, 10 & 13 yo. the 13yo has sn. i don't know the children very well. i've probably met them about 4 or 5 times.

dh's mum will be there so i'm sure she will help. we will have to meet them at the airport, a couple of hours drive away from where we're staying. i have 2 kids, 1 & 3 yo.

i'm feeling rather put out. is this something people do? send their kids on hols without them?

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 19/09/2009 18:04

I'd say they couldn't come.
What does your dh think?

TeamEdwardTango · 19/09/2009 18:05

Sounds odd to me, but then people are odd. Can you say no? Too short notice?
How long has DH known??

ingles2 · 19/09/2009 18:05

er..no. not with 2 weeks notice and without discussing the ins and outs of it with you first.
This is meant to be a holiday for you isn't it? not a childfree break for them.
What does your dh say?

claw3 · 19/09/2009 18:05

Say no, they have a bloody cheek! Its your holiday, not a babysitting service.

ingles2 · 19/09/2009 18:06

Actually this is bloody ridiculous you have a baby and a toddler... of course you can't entertain their teenagers as well. Put your foot down

diddl · 19/09/2009 18:06

It´s not a thing I´ve done,TBH.

Is it possible the adults can´t afford to come but that this is a way of them seeing their grandmother?

bergentulip · 19/09/2009 18:07

no bloody way- what planet are they living on?

onebatmother · 19/09/2009 18:08

Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 19/09/2009 18:08

Another one saying "no" here. If they'd discussed it all with you and you were happy to go ahead, then fine - but not to just announce it with two weeks to go.

Can you get the flights, anyway? How big a car would you have to hire, or would you need two?

Rindercella · 19/09/2009 18:09

OMG that is shockingly rude of them. Even though your MIL - I assume the children's GM will be there, it is totally, totally unacceptable to do this.

YANBU AT ALL

MarshaBrady · 19/09/2009 18:22

I really do not think you should do this. Say no.

PrincessToadstool · 19/09/2009 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 19/09/2009 18:25

Just noticed you asked in Feb & they have only just responded.

That´s not on.

What do your hubby & MIL think?

LIZS · 19/09/2009 18:50

Seems very odd. Has mil perhaps spoken to them and offered to have the dc without telling you directly ? Have they booked flights and escort for their dc ?

Original poster
ireallydontknow · 19/09/2009 18:51

i don't think mil knows yet. i will speak to her tomorrow.

car-wise i think it will be ok. i have hired a mini-van thing. i hope they don't need booster seats...

they will have serious jet-lag.

my dh thinks it's fine but he wants to say no because I am not happy. that's the reason he wants to give. so they'll all be pissed off with me. i'm sure mil will be happy to have them as she hardly ever sees them.

dh's sister and her dh have also been invited but they haven't told me whether they're coming yet either. they have said from the start that they can't commit until the last minute so i can't complain about that.

but if sil, bil and 2 nieces come we will be quite short of space.

OP posts:
Original poster
ireallydontknow · 19/09/2009 18:52

don't think mil has spoken to them. don't think they have booked flights yet.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 19/09/2009 19:03

If DH and MIL think it's fine, they can do all the childcare, and you can have lots of lovely days out on your own.

lavenderkate · 19/09/2009 19:09

agree with oldlady.
Failing that get DH to rebook something with whole family another time.

ingles2 · 19/09/2009 19:10

yes, but it won't be mil & dh doing the childcare really will it? It'll be mil and IRDK.
Talk seriously to your dh about it... remind him that this is meant to be your relaxing break for you and your family. Not loads of hard work with 2 extra teenagers. Also if they want to visit MIL they could do that unaccompanied at home. It's not fair to do this to you, you will have to be involved and as the son has SN he may well need extra care and attention. Remind your dh of that and see if he's prepared to take that on without your help.

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/09/2009 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rindercella · 19/09/2009 19:24

Sadly, I think you're going to be stuck with the two children for your holiday. Of course your MIL is going to be delighted to see them - if they live so far away, I am sure she will jump at the chance - whether or not her DS & his wife are actually there. Your DH says he's happy about it - fine...he can be the one to share looking after them with his mother then.

You should though take a back seat in it all. DO NOT trek the 2 hours or so to the airport to pick them up. DO NOT do ANY of the child care/baby sitting for them. Make sure you get a break from your two small children too - go to a spa for the day or something and have a nice long wallow in self indulgence.

Enjoy your holiday, but I am afraid I think you're going to be stuck with 2 unaccompanied minors.

Some people's rudeness never ceases to amaze me. I am really on your behalf.

OrangeKnickers · 19/09/2009 19:38

I LOL'd at the cheek of your dh's Brother ! Really impressive. I would come up with a very good reason not to have them. Say your children have swine flu, or measles. Or are allergic to teenagers.

or cancel holiday - two weeks at home sound nicer than two weeks babysitting some strange (as in you don't know them) teenagers.

Is the dear Brother going to contribute to their entertainment / holidays costs?

poor you.

Original poster
ireallydontknow · 19/09/2009 19:38

well i'm glad it's not just me. seems to be the way dh's family operate. they think nothing of turning up 2 hours late, changing plans at the last minute and not letting us know etc. mil is not like this so i don't know why they think this is ok.

i will not organise a family holiday again. this was just awful.

dh has decided to tell them that it's too late to make proper arrangements and he's not happy about kids coming on their own. he's agreed (i hope!) to not say it's because of me.

however, until we're on holiday and the kids are NOT there is the point at which i'll believe it!

OP posts:
Trikken · 19/09/2009 19:39

I would definately say no, too short notice, it is a holiday for you and will end up resenting the holiday if you have to spend it doing more work than you normally would at home. The parents sound well cheeky to me.

purpleduck · 19/09/2009 19:40

I'm going to go against the grain here...

Yes your in laws were rude to assume, however, as someone who doesn't get to see her neices and nephews very often, I LOVE the time I have on my own with them. I can really get to know them, and they get to know their cousins.

So I would say yes...BUT with the provisio that mil and DH take up alot of the slack.

I would consider these points first:

How much extra care will your nephew need?

Also, what kind of holiday is it? Is it a Centre Parcs type vacation where there are facilities for all ages?

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