I'm actually asking because I don't know.

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

I'm pregnant, having a very hard time at work being bullied, and I've had hideous headaches and been in and out of hospital for weeks.

DH has said as it's his birthday next week we'll have a small family party to celebrate sort of hopefully coming through the otherside of a very shit couple of months. It's my birthday the week after so as we both work alllllllll the time, he has said that we'll spend the day and night together doing whatever I want for a change. We planned this a few weeks ago and have been counting down the days to something nice!! I said that I wanted to go away for the day to something we'd wanted to go to for a while, then at the night I wanted us to have a special tea, DVD and to chill out together for the first time in ages (and perhaps have an early night since we never get the chance with a toddler) my mum was going to have our son for the night. We had started to save as we are in bad debt and so we literally have to save for these things.

Today SIL came round to tell us she has gotten engaged to her partner. Apparently they picked out a ring over a month ago but have been waiting for it to come. MIL knew, but was the only one, and as the ring came yesterday they have decided to tell people.

MIL, who really dislikes me and makes life very hard for me - much similar to another thread that is on AIBU at the moment called 'another MIL thread'. She has decided to have a party for them on my birthday. When she did our engagement party, they were all allowed to invite their family and friends, but I wasn't allowed to even have one of my friends there, but I'm sure it will be different for SIL. I said 'Oh I can't make it, it's my birthday' immediately without thinking and SIL said 'yes she knows it's your birthday, she's only having it on that date if [her new husband] is off work so it might not be that date. But if it is you are bloody coming.'

The reason MIL won't have it the week after is because it's her sister's grandson's birthday party in the day time and the week after they are having a 'piss up' for all the adults of the family to celebrate the boy's 3rd birthday. Which I think is strange anyway.

I really don't want to go on my birthday, do I have to?

I'll probably end up going anyway but I wanted to ask on here.

See, it doesn't sound like a bad thing to me. I like the way your SIL said "you are bloody well coming". Means she likes you and wants you to be there.

S'nice if you are broke to have a party to go to where you won't actually have to do anything or spend anything.

So I think you are being a bit dog in the mangerish.

Good to hear that your DH finally did the right thing. Now, having made that stand DO NOT NEGATE IT by going to the party - not even 'popping in' for half an hour, fgs - reasonable people might consider it a nice gesture, but your ILs are more likely to regard it as capitulation and you'll be back at square one.

Totally - I get what you're saying about being slagged off, but personally, I'd rather they slag me off behind my back than make me feel awkward while I'm actually there!!

I really feel that you shouldn't back down on this just because you are worried about what they might say about you. They don't sound like they have ever been particularly nice to you, so what's gonna change whether you go or not ?? You may as well do what you want to do for your birthday & stuff the rest of them.

FWIW, my DS1's b'day is the same day as my SIL's (DH's sister), and I ALWAYS call her every year before I arrange anything to see what her plans are. Even if their b'day falls on a weekday I will ask her what her plans are for the weekend as I appreciate that she might be celebrating at the weekend rather than the actual day. As far as I am concerned, this is common courtesy so they should have done the decent thing by you & asked if you had plans before organising their party and for that reason alone, DON'T GO !!!!

"But it does bother me that they'll all be slagging me off"

In the words of that great philosopher Marty McFly (Back to the Future III) - "He's an asshole. What do I care what he thinks of me?". I was deeply affected by this speech, and try to live up to its ideals .

They are actually going to change the date because someone else said they can't make it that weekend!!!! Nevermind when we can or can't.

Good outcome though!

Wow. After all that, they managed to change the date (?).

That just proves they are bl**dy minded when it comes to considering ignoring your plans.