Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pised off that everyone is being so negative about DH and I TTC Baby Number 2?

51 replies

BrokenBananaTantrum · 18/09/2009 09:10

DH and I are just starting to think about TTC again. Our DD is 3.2. So far everyone I have mentioned this too has had negative comments.

"2 are soooo much harder than 1"
well yes I don't have rose tinted specs on

"They'll fight all the time" surley not all the time they will have to sleep at some point

"It's not fair on DD as she is used to having you all to yourselves" Yes but a sibling relationship can be very special too.
etc etc etc.

By friend (Who I met when I first had DD) rolled her eyes and said "oh no why would you want another? Her DD is same age as mine.

AIBU to pissed off that nobody is looking on the positive side of bringing a new person into the world and making our family complete?

Oh sorry My mum is pleased tho MIL is trying to put DH off.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenBananaTantrum · 18/09/2009 09:13

Sorry about the spelling mistakes!

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 18/09/2009 09:15

YANBU. I wish that I had more than one to dilute dd a bit. It is your choice.
Go for it and good luck.

LadyBuzz · 18/09/2009 09:16

Oh how awful people can be. YANBU

IMO DCs are the most wonderful thing and it warms my heart to see my DSs when they are bonding.
Yes they have their moments but they are also very rewarding.

I wish you all the luck in the world!

girlsyearapart · 18/09/2009 09:17

No yanbu but I think it's just far simpler not to tell anyone in RL that you are ttc.
If you say I'm pregnant they can hardly be as negative then?

I have two dds who are 1 and 2. We didn't tell anyone we were ttc the 2nd as would have got lots of negativity due to close age gap.

We are going to ttc number 3 soon and have only told 1 very close friend.

Good luck! x

Laquitar · 18/09/2009 09:27

I wouldn't tell people yet.

Then again people will tell you why are you so selfish and don't give your dd a sibling! And she ll be spoilt, lonely and blah blah blah . You can never win that's why you shouldn't care about other people's opinions.

Good luck with the TTC!

SmallScrewCap · 18/09/2009 09:29

YANBU. It's the usual thing - people projecting their parental experiences and worries onto yours.

I agree that it's better not to inform people of your plans. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was here on Mumsnet - "Your first mistake was to tell them what your plans were." ;)

If it's any consolation, I didn't think I would have a second child (mainly through choice) for most of the last 3 years, and I heard nothing but "onlys are lonely" and "you'll regret it when you're older." Even one "You're not a proper parent until you've had 2."

Now that number 2 is newly arrived, it's all "they'll be jealous of each other" and "you'll be run ragged", mainly from the same people.

People are daft, eh?

Try and spot the people who listen and do not offer unsolicited advice, and stick to them like glue. Hang in there.

Original poster
BrokenBananaTantrum · 18/09/2009 09:30

Thanks. Girlsayearapart you are right i shouldn't have told anyone in RL. I thought family and friends would be pleased for us. I got that wrong.

I just wonder WHY everyone is being so negative

OP posts:
belgo · 18/09/2009 09:32

Just don't tell anyone. None of their business.

LadyPinkofPinkerton · 18/09/2009 09:35

People are just so rude. I wonder if they think they will change your mind.

But tbh I have no idea why anyone would tell people they are ttc. I told a couple of close friends with DS2 as I needed support from them as it wa taking time to get pregnant. But I would never in a million years tell my family.

girlsyearapart · 18/09/2009 09:39

that's ok. My mum and mil have both already said why on earth would i want more than 2 and my dad said 'oh god you're not pregnant AGAIN?' the other day when I had tummy ache.

Wouldn't mind but my mil had three herself!!

Hypocrites the bleedin lot of them. x

LouMacca · 18/09/2009 09:44

YANBU. I cannot believe your friend would roll her eyes and ask you why you would want another!!

Eh, because children are a joy and having children is one of the best and most rewarding things in your life.

As others have said maybe its best to keep it to yourself. Good Luck!

2shoes · 18/09/2009 09:45

yanbu
people are starange,

meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 18/09/2009 09:47

Wait til you're on your 3rd and everyone assumes it was an accident!

alana39 · 18/09/2009 09:47

YANBU why is it any of their business? I mean I'd probably not tell people your plans, but if you do choose to it's a wierd thing for them to all be so negative about given that most people are not only children so they could perhaps have expected it.

katiestar · 18/09/2009 09:48

I found the second much easier than the first.Your DD will be 4 when the second comes a long and will most likely be a great help entertaining her.

RumourOfAHurricane · 18/09/2009 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

spitnpolish · 18/09/2009 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldenSnitch · 18/09/2009 10:00

I always countered comments like this with "well, I wouldn't want DS to be an only child, that must be so lonely" and "all the only children I know are a bit weird"

Not necessarily true (not the first one at least - I do know some very strange onlies) but it certainly shut them up

Tombliboobs · 18/09/2009 10:08

GoldenSnitch, you know some very weird/strange 'onlies'? It seems slightly strange that in trying to make someone feel better about having negative comments about having 2 children, you then counter that with negative comments about 'onlies'

Op= Agree with the others (and Golden snitch's comments demonstrates this) that you get negative comments no matter how many children you have.

Some people are just natural doom mongers

GoldenSnitch · 18/09/2009 10:09

Plus, I loved being one of 4! Why would I deny a sibling (only the one mind) to my precious DS?

I'm told, once thiey're over the baby stage, it actually makes life easier as they play together and give you some time off!

anniemac · 18/09/2009 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GoldenSnitch · 18/09/2009 10:12

I would never say those things to soemone who wanted an only tombliboobs - only someone who was trying to make me feel bad about having 2!

And yes, I really do know some very strange only children

Tombliboobs · 18/09/2009 10:22

That is such a sweeping statement Goldensnitch, I am sure all of us with one DC will be driven to have another based on your observations to make sure our children don't end up being 'strange'

curiositykilled · 18/09/2009 10:26

God there are so many judgey child-bashers in this country! Why does it even matter to other ppl if you want to have another, it's not like you are telling them they should have another baby? Pay no attention, their poor children! Imagine feeling like you were so awful you'd put your parents off having another baby!

SmallScrewCap · 18/09/2009 10:26

GoldenSnitch I will accept that you truly know some very strange only children, if you will accept that it proves bugger all about only children.

I know plenty of kids with siblings who are whiney, grasping and selfish, but I don't think it's an inevitable result of having siblings. ;)

Swipe left for the next trending thread